Draftstravaganza 2012: The appetizer

First of all- I can't believe I hadn't ever mushed 'Draft' and 'Extravaganza' into 'Draftstravaganza' before.  It's incredible!  Now that I've done it once, I feel like I'll do it again and again and again until I feel the same way I did as a 12-year old when I thought I had coined the phrase 'silent-but-deadly'- a virtuoso of creative genius just waiting to get smacked in the face by the realization that pretty much everybody else in history had done the same thing. 

It's funny what 11-2 can do.  The last couple years, I put in zero prep time.  And as much as I'd like to say that my lack of prep time actually helped me to a league-best regular season mark, the fact that I nabbed Tom Brady in the first round and stole Jordy Nelson/Jimmy Graham in later rounds (both of which I had seen star in the previous seasons' playoffs) probably had something (READ: everything) to do with that.  This year, in an effort to not suck again I studied up like crazy.  Well, okay, so actually I just read a couple articles by Bill Barnwell and a couple of Bleacher Report lists.  Still, comparing my preparation time with last years, I was a veritable Marshall Eriksen.

From the National Studying Hall of Fame induction banquet, 2005

However, don't let the flashy new name and feigned preparation fool you (although if you did, that would help immensely)- this is a draft recap brought to you by Jason Parks, which means you're going to get the rundown of whether I would like to draft my previous years draft picks, and my pre-season thoughts about my draft picks.  As an added bonus, I'm going to be adding a little blurb about the player picked directly before my choice and the one immediately following.  My hope is that this will give you a little more context to my selections, as well as giving you more bang for your buck.

But first things first-which of my 2011 picks was I looking to nab for the 2012 squad?

1 Tom Brady, QB: After a record-setting 2011 campaign, I had the good fortune to keep Brady for the rest of forever.  Which I will be doing, by the way.

2 Darren McFadden, RB: A guy I really would have liked to have again- a supreme talent whose skill level is only matched by his inability to stay healthy.  And since he's probably going to get picked early because of his talent, I'm not planning on getting him.

3 Matt Forte, RB: Despite getting injured last season (and likely single handedly keeping me from winning in the playoffs...just saying), Forte had 163 points last year (6th most all time) and is my second keeper.  That said, I desperately want to make sure I end up with his back-up, Michael Bush.  Just in case...obviously...you know...okay, can we keep going?

4 Mike Williams, WR (Tampa): Mike Williams 2.Tampa is not really on my radar at this time.  Well, that's not entirely true.  He is sort of on my radar.  Because I have a heat-seeking missile  with his name on it set to deploy if he comes within a 100 yards of Snow Flurry HQ.  Freaking Mike Williams

5 Beanie Wells, RB: The consolation prize to McFadden in the 'Talented Backs Who Have A Significant Injury History'.  Unfortunately for Beanie, I'm not playing that game this year.

6 Brandon Lloyd, WR:  While Lloyd is probably in a fairly awesome fantasy scenario (reunited with Josh McDaniels, catching balls from Tom Brady), I'm not going to really go out of my way to look for him.  There's just too much pass catching talent in New England to go after anyone not named Gronkowski or Welker.

7 Mario Manningham, WR: Perhaps I'm harboring a little resentment for Mario leaving Michigan early when Rich Rod rolled over a hundred years of tradition, class, and excellence into town- but I can't see "upgrading" from Eli Manning to Alex Smith being a good career move.  So no.

8 Sam Bradford, QB: I'm not sure what to think about this cat.  He had a solid rookie season and is legally insane brimming with confidence.  But he's also coming off of an injury-plagued 2011 and still plays for the Rams.  I guess if I can't get any other QBs and he's still available in the 16th round...gah.  I don't know.  Flip for it?

By the way, did you notice how I utilized the cross out in back-to-back paragraphs?  Don't worry, I don't plan to use it again for awhile.  I just thought you'd like to know that I do kind of pay attention to my writing.

9 Brandon Jacobs, RB: I read this really smart sounding article about running backs and the age of 30 and steep decline- and in typical Jason Parks fashion, I went and forgot most of it.  So in the absence of solid data, I should probably just go ahead and try and draft him.

10 Jimmy Graham, TE: Oh Jimmy.  Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.  I want you back, baby- you know I do...but once I decided to not keep you, I knew that my fellow league members would jump all over you like I basted you in Samuel L. Jackson and threw you into the Deep Blue Sea.  Just know this, Jimmy- no one can take away our magical season together.  Not even Roger Goodell.

11 Ravens Defense:  The Ravens D scored 263 points for me last year, the second most in team history.  You better believe I'm hunting these guys down.  After all, they still have Ed Reed, right?

12 Jordy Nelson, WR:  While I would never stray away from a chance to draft an Aaron Rodgers receiver, I imagine 'ol Jordy here going much, much higher than the 12th round slot I was able to nab him in.  And until he has back-to-back historical seasons, that's just a little too high for moi. 

13 Mike Williams, WR(Free Agent):  The much anticipated red-zone threat never materialized.  In fact, he never materialized so much that he dematerialized from the NFL.  Which puts his chances of being drafted by me at about 25%.

14 Greg Olsen, TE: Olsen never really saw the field for the Snow Flurries.  At all.  What, with my season-long running episode of the 'Jimmy and The Gronk' show, and Jeremy Shockey and Steve Smith taking away catches/Cam Newton hawking red zone TDs for his real team...Olsen was not nearly the factor I thought he would be.  But now Jimmy and The Gronk went all Hollywood on me, Shockey's gone, and Newton will likely see a dip in his TD scoring- which means that there is potential for a Greg Olsen in my life. 

15 Patriots Defense: They could string together a season's worth of shutouts and I still wouldn't trust this defense with a ten foot pole.  See?  SEE?  They've scarred me so much that I mixed up my metaphors. 

16 Neil Rackers, K:  I've said it before, and I'll say it again- as long as any kicker is not Nick Folk, I will always welcome him in with open arms and foot firmly planted on his butt 'just in case'.

17 Steve Breaston, WR: After Steve found out I was using him to pass secret messages to Dwayne, he stopped speaking to me.  Which is fine- I have little use for WRs that don't score.  Yeah, you heard me right Steve.  Take THAT!!!  (sniff sniff...you bastard)

18 New York (Giants) Defense:  If I can somehow land the Ravens defense, I will have little use for these guys- even if they did just win a Super Bowl.

19 Cam Newton, QB:  Wait, who is this guy?  Are you sure I drafted him last year?  Did he even play last year?

I mean other than in the NFL's annual post-season All-Star game.

So this is my frame of mine heading into the draft.  Last year I had a team that kicked names and took ass- and while I won't be able to have all of them back on my team, they'll all be welcomed back in my heart.  (Cue 'Awwwww' from studio audience)

Tune in later this week (or sometime next week...or just whenevs) to find out who I actually drafted.  And then, hold onto your butts.

'Cuz it's about to get REALZ yo.

PIC: Marshall- http://i2.listal.com/image/640245/500full.jpg
Newton- http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Cam%2BNewton%2B2012%2BPro%2BBowl%2B8jySPI7CZtbl.jpg
Jackson- http://i.ytimg.com/vi/T9uuPza41Uw/0.jpg