Wait a second, who am I kidding? You live for this stuff.
Week 1- I was expecting the Knights here (a Lions homer that I trounced twice last year), but with last minute division realignment I was left with a match-up against War Machine, a traditional thorn in my proverbial side. At the end of the day, though, I apparently didn't need to spend $600 on that therapy session as the Snow Flurries ended up winning a 146-83 laugher. I wonder if I can get a refund on all that Xanax...
What went right- 8 of 9 guys went for double digits- 3 in the 20s. Wow. Talk about overkill. I mean, that escalated quickly, that really got out of hand fast. Let me assure you that my team is not about embarrassing the opposition, and I made sure that I went over to the War Machine sideline and said I was really sorry and explained to him that this really isn't what we're about.
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| Then we shook hands. Then we yelled. |
What went wrong- Nothing. I played my best guys and they had the most points. The end.
Bonehead play- Again, nothing. This week was pretty much the definition of fantasy perfection. The Snow Flurries are well on their way to another season that raises the expectations just enough to thoroughly crush all hope in the playoffs.
Week 2- If week 1 was the triumphant sequel to my 2011 overture (think "Godfather II"), then week 2 was "Weekend at Bernie's 2". And just like that, my season has started going downhill faster than an porta-potty on wheels. Matched up against Center League newcomer Fergette, the Snow Flurries welcoming party forgets to bring a dish to pass in a 153-86 loss.
What went right- Bowe redeems himself with a 23 point outing, and Tom Brady (barely) has 17. My attempts to motivate Frank Gore by trashing him out-of-hand are clearly working as he has a second straight strong outing. And, um... not all of Fergettes dudes go for double digits.
What went wrong- Start with the injuries- Aaron Hernandez went out in the first quarter of his game, Matt Forte in the third. At least Forte got hurt in Week 2 instead of late in the season like last year, so I'll have more time to find a replacement/kick myself for not securing Michael Bush as a handcuff. Also, I mentioned that not all of Fergette's players went for double digits- merely 7 of 9. On top of that, Victor Cruz, Reggie Bush, CJ Spiller simply went off, scoring 85 points by themselves. Let that simmer for a minute- three players on the opposing team scored one point less than my entire team was able to muster.
Bonehead play-Well, since I didn't have Cruz, Bush, or Spiller to sit on my bench...I'd have to say leaving Ingram riding the pine against the Carolina Panthers, who seem to have one of the worst run defenses in the history of bad run defenses. Of course, this information really wouldn't have helped me this week- I was run out of the gym. Still, it goes to show how little I'm really paying attention. When has that ever come back to bite me though?
Try the very next week.
Week 3- One play. One. Stinking. Play. That's it. That's all that separated sweet, sweet victory over two-time champion Disco and a division leading 2-1 record with defeat and a 1-2 start . One play that I didn't make, and now I'm sitting here wallowing in the misery of a 92-84 defeat. Ah, ineptitude. My old friend. I really missed you.
What went right- Robbie Gould had 13 points. My kicker. 13 points. And really, that's about the best thing I can say for my team this week.
What went wrong- They say confession is good for the soul, and while I'll get more in depth in the 'Bonehead Moves' part of the show, right here I'll just come out and say it: I sat Andre Brown and his 25 points. Yeah, that really doesn't feel any better. What really killed me though was Peyton Manning's 26 points. Especially since he was busy sucking the first 2.5 quarters (I even saw a couple of his throws in the third quarter and it reminded me of...well, me). I've now been beaten in successive weeks by Reggie Bush and post-neck operation Peyton. I just don't know what else can possibly go wrong.
Bonehead move- Long story short, I jumped off the Ryan Williams bandwagon about as quickly as I jumped on it. He was averaging a little over a yard per carry and had two fumbles in two games. Not exactly the stuff of legend- unless you're talking the legend of The Incompetent Duckling. So I dropped him and picked up Brown after a nice little 7 point outing in the stead of the injured Ahmad Bradshaw. Similar thing happened last year on the Giants with some dude named Victor Cruz. Seemed to work out pretty well for him- and for me.
So after deftly swiping Brown off of the waiver wire right before he plays against the not-very-good Panthers D- I sit him. I'm not sure why. Maybe I missed the part where he was playing the Panthers. Perhaps I was a little too enraptured by the idea of Jonathan Dwyer (whom I saw have, like, a 70ish yard run this one time). It could have been the early season Thursday night game threw me off. Whatever the case- I sat 25 points and started -2 points, even though I knew that Brown was going to be getting most of the carries for the Giants and Dwyer was going to be sharing carries with Isaac Redman. I tried to beat the system, and the system destroyed me.
What really, REALLY sucks is that I can't even draw solace from my concubine league because my mom (my mom! I freaking lost to my mom!!!) had Ray Rice and Joe Flacco, which basically doubled her point output Sunday night and turn a sure win into a definite loss. Oh, and Ryan Williams? He only had 9 points- 9 points which in place of the negadeuce that Dwyer dropped would have won me the game as well. The lesson here, as always- trust a Cardinal before you trust a Steeler and your mom is better at fantasy football than you.
After leading the league in scoring last season and getting off to that same type of start, we're falling apart. Well, maybe 'falling apart' is too strong. Really I'm one bad play away from being 2-1. I can't panic when I'm one bad play away from being 2-1. I had somebody offer a trade to take Julio Jones away from me- he offered a couple solid players, but right now is not the time for solid. Now is the time to remember who we are, circle the wagons and remind my team that at full strength, we blew everybody else away in week 1. And also, time to go back to the pharmacy and see if I can get some of that Xanax back.
I feel pretty good about my team (other than Jonathan Dwyer, who I jettisoned faster than Harry Dunne on Turbo Lax I'll spare you the hyperlink. My draft, other than the injuries and poor performances, has panned out rather nicely, led by Frank Gore who has drastically exceeded expectations (to be fair, he could have pulled a Billy Cole and still been slightly better than I was anticipating). All I know is that it's a long season and nobody ever won a championship after the first three weeks. Well, except for the Miami Heat. And we all know how that turned out.
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