DC Stars defense

Last time I trotted out Superman the offense that the DC Stars would utilize to win the gridiron battle between the comic industrys' big two.  Today, I present their defense.  It isn't as pretty as the O, but as you will soon see, it is very capable of delivering a serious case of smack-down.

Pictures are taken from comicvine.com.  Measurables are taken from the DC Wiki.  Commentary is borrowed from the Hive Mind. 

Defensive end- Bane
6'8", 350 lbs

Ordinarily, I'm not one to advocate the use of performance enhancing drugs.  But this guy is as smart as Batman.  He can lift up to three tons when he's juicing.  So if I'm DC, I want him on the field at any cost.  ANY cost.  If that means a little Venom-drip on the sidelines between series, well then that's what has to happen.  Besides, Hulk has to get angry to release his powers, and I'm pretty sure that anger is a sin just like cheating is. 

Nose tackle- Doomsday
8'10", 915 lbs

Dude killed Superman.  Need I say more?

Defensive end- Kalibak
7'9", 810 lbs

More than physical attributes, most football talking heads praise the "non-stop motors" of defensive linemen.  A defensive lineman with a non-stop motor can singlehandedly disrupt an offense by forcing the QB to try and make plays outside their comfort zone.  Kalibak is one of those rare players who has both impressive physical skills and a non-stop motor.  And the reason that he has a non-stop motor is because he has constantly trying to impress his apathetic father, Darkseid.  Despite constantly having his affections rebuffed, poor old Kalibak will keep trudging out there, play after play, trying to sack the QB to get that long-desired 'attaboy' from his emotionally distant father.

Outside linebacker- Grodd
6'6", 600 lbs

Inside linebacker- Solovar
Unlisted height, weight

Inside linebacker- Ultra-humanite
7', 600 lbs

There is a reason I chose three anthropomorphic apes for linebackers on the Marvel D, and it isn't just because I'm lazy and didn't want to write about all of them (although...).  Just think about the physical attributes of a gorilla.  They're extremely strong and agile.  Gorillas are non-territorial, but will fight to defend their troop (in this case, the DC Stars defensive unit).  Then you factor in that gorillas already have a high level of natural intelligence, and these Three Amigo-rillas have enhanced genius intellect and assorted super powers.  Think 'Congo' but on the football field and field position instead of diamonds. 

Outside linebacker- Black Adam
6'3", 250 lbs

All you have to know is that this guy can go toe-to-toe with Superman.  But I'll tell you more.  Black Adam has all of the abilities you'd look for in a linebacker- speed, strength, a chip on his shoulder, and the ability to summon magical lightning.  Oh, and he is a vicious tackler.  Forget about trying to separate the ball from the ballcarrier- Black Adam has that old school disposition of trying to separate the ball-carrier from the ball carrier.  And this will come in handy for the Stars.  Football is largely a mental game played out in a physical arena.  As such, the ability to dictate what your opponent does because you're "in their head" is a huge advantage that transcends measurables.  Black Adam will play the role of football bouncer.  Nightcrawler getting a little cocky after a big play?  He won't be showboating after Black Adam rips his tail off.  Black Panther gets a first down and channels his inner Roy Williams?

Not that Roy Williams.  Although I'm sure he channels this Roy in the bathrooms of Wakanda.

Um, no.  Wait, what?  No.  NO. 

Closer, but this Roy plays defense.  Or at least he used to, before his career went in the toilet.

There we go.  First down, Marvel!

If Black Panther tries this stunt, then Black Adam will grab his arm and remove it from his body.  Will Marvel most likely end up with a first down due to a personal foul penalty? Yup. But in a game of this magnitude, if you have a chance to trade 15 yards for a ballcarriers arm, you take the 15 yards.  NOTE: I am not condoning the ripping out of people's arms in normal football.  But do what you have to do

Cornerback- Mr. Freeze
6', 190 lbs

I realize that Mr. Freeze is much to slow to play football- shoot he's probably too slow for shuffleboard.  But I don't need Mr. Freeze to be a speedy corner- I just need him to jam receivers at the line.  And by 'jam receivers, I mean 'shoot them with his freezey ray gun'.  As effective as a physical corner can be in the five yard box with jamming receivers and disrupting timing, imagine a corner who can literally freeze a wideout before he gets into his route.

Cornerback- Plastic Man
6'1", 178 lbs (variable height)

It would have been easy to just stick him over on offense as a WR, a la Mr. Fantastic. Of course, with my situational omnipotence, it is just as easy to plug him on on defense specifically to stop Mr. Fantastic. I guess I just figured that Plastic Man is sort of a goofball, and I'm afraid that Superman would get pissed off at his antics and just throw the football so hard at his head that Plastic Man would instantly disintegrate and release all that Bisphenol A into the air, and I just don't think anyone wants to deal with that sort of public relations backlash.

Safety- Deathstroke
6'4", 225 lbs

A literal hitman, Deathstroke has enhanced strength and reflexes and the ability to use 90% of his brain.  While this actually might not be as impressive as Wikipedia would like us to believe, it would still is probably a good 85-90% more than most football players are able to use.  Yes, I made a joke about football players being stupid.

Safety- Nightwing
5'10", 175 lbs

Look, just because I wanted Batman studying film in the Batcave and preparing a foolproof gameplan doesn't mean that I don't want him out on the field too.  And what better way to get the best of both worlds than to have Nightwing on the roster?  Batman's most successful disciple has many of the impressive physical and mental abilities that Batman does, but without all the psychological issues.

Defensive coordinator- Brainiac 13

Perhaps more than talent, the best weapon for a defense is preparation.  If they can know what the offense is going to do it is much easier for them to keep the offense from doing it.  With all of the brilliant minds in the DCU, there are dozens of candidates who could pour over film and discern tendencies within formations and situations.  But this type of study would take hours, and probably be flawed by human subjection.  Brainiac 13 could analyze all the film and calculate probabilities in a matter of seconds without the interference of a conscious mind. Sure, his main goal is the eradication of all life forms- but you have to take the bad with the good.  Kind of like marriage, except normally your wife's main ambition is not to wipe you out from existence (although you'd think so, what with all the nagging she does).

That concludes our look at the rosters of the Marvel Machine and the DC Stars.  The stage is now set.  The pieces are in play.  Events have been put into motion.  So how does this all play out?  I'll tell you- next week. 

PIC-
Roy Williams- http://mnjails.info/images2/ernest-roy-williams-1103602.jpg
Roy Williams (coach)- http://www.midwestsportsfans.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/roy-williams.jpg
Roy Williams (DB)- http://sports.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/roy-williams.jpg
Roy Williams (WR)-http://old.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/pt/photos/2009/09/090913_NS_13WilliamsSignal.jpg