The most uninteresting segment in the world

I just got done watching a segment on College Football Gameday that was so atrociously bad that I am purposefully breaking my writing sabbath to rake it over the coals.  Yeah.  It was that bad.

The feature revolved around Baylor University quarterback Robert Griffin III.  Griffin the Third is the next Peyton Manning for all I know- but from the amount of effort it appeared that they put into the spot, he might as well be the next Cooper Manning.

No no, I'm totally fine with the fact that I developed spinal stenosis while both my brothers went on to lucrative, Super Bowl-MVP winning careers in the NFL.  I love living in New Orleans and trading energy.  I don't blame God at all...

They led into it by telling us how much of a 'free spirit' Griffin is.  The actual spot borrowed the Most Interesting Man motif, right down to the music, grainy film quality, and the narrator- or maybe it's his brother who apparently has some Pharyngeal disorder.  I liked your first story better.  No offense to RG3, but if he truly is the most interesting man in college football then the NCAA has a personality crisis that goes far beyond the mere lack of knowledge of the Force.

Let's review the list of qualities that ESPN felt qualified Griffin 3.0 to be "The Most Interesting College Football Man":  

Might be the fastest quarterback in the history of football- Hey this isn't the dark ages.  Might be?  Why settle for woulda/coulda/shoulda?  We could actually find this out!  Simply run all of the quarterbacks in history through a series of speed drills, use a complicated mathematical formula to plug the numbers into, and voila- we could know for sure.  But don't try to sell us on speculative qualities- we get enough of that crap from Washington.

Participated in the US Olympic trials- as a 17 year old- Nadia Comăneci scored a perfect 10.0 on the uneven bars during the 1976 Actual Olympics.  At 14 years old.  So basically there have already been kids doing what he did except they did it better and younger.

Graduated early from high school and college- Well that's certainly quite a feat, but I'm sure there are tons of students that have accomplished that.  It either means he is really smart or took really easy classes, or some combination of the two.  I'm not sure if that makes him Most Interesting.  Or even marginally interesting.  Most smart people tend to be boring, and if he just took easy classes, then he probably doesn't have a very wide knowledge base from which to draw his topics of conversation.  

Wears goofy socks- I suppose that's pretty interesting.  I admire a man who can wear kids socks and get away with it.  What really makes this interesting is that Griffin said that each pair of socks "has a story".  Yes Robert, I'll bet they do.  Let's explore some of those stories, shall we? 

Once, when I was a kid, there was Sesame Street, and this blue monster and he just ate cookies.  HAHAHAHAHA

Once, a booster bought me a smart phone...um, I mean, my mom bought me a smart phone, and there was these Angry Birds, and they killed pigs.  HAHAHAHAHAHA

Once, when I was a kid, there was a dog, and he was stupid but everybody thought he was a great detective.  HAHAHAHAHA

Once, when I was a kid, I learned the dangers of toxic waste thanks to these turtles that turned into pizza-eating ninjas.  HAHAHAHAHA

Proposed to his girlfriend using a song that he wrote- Thank you, breath of fresh air.  Proposing to your girlfriend using an original song has probably never been done.  Ever.  Oh wait, what's that?  There was a guitar involved?  Woah!  I've never heard of that sort of thing happening.  Sorry Girlfriend, I was incapacitated by the sheer overwhelming sensation of all the innovation and I didn't catch what you said.  You mean he proposed while you were walking on the football field?????  Who could have ever imagined a football player proposing on a football field?????  While singing a song- that he wrote!!!!!  That is just too cutting edge.  My brain can't process this much creativity in one sitting.  I need to go lie down.

He has thrown more touchdown passes than incompletions so far this year- Please.  That's just a statistical anomaly.  Sure, it's interesting- but that's not something that makes Gryffindor himself more interesting, because technically any quarterback could have accomplished that.  I mean, Peyton Manning could have done that- would that have made him the most interesting man in college football- or any demographic, for that matter?

Actually...

I'm sure that Robert Griffin III is a very interesting guy.  But I think that because of individual make-up of each person, from their unique genetic structure to their environmental influence, everybody is interesting in their own way.  I just wish that ESPN would have made a little more effort to make Robert Griffin III feel like a really unique individual, instead of telling us he was off-the-charts interesting and then showing him putting on kids socks (which is only mild-to-moderately interesting) and listing off a series of accomplishments that happen all the time.




PIC- Cooper- http://www.sptimes.com/2004/11/07/images/large/C_1_cooper2_197601_1107.jpg

Cookie Monster- http://i.ebayimg.com/t/12-24M-SESAME-STREET-BLUE-INFANT-SOCKS-COOKIE-MONSTER-/05/!BuHOHu!!mk~$%28KGrHqQH-DQEv0t1byytBL-+BT7D3w~~_35.JPG
Angry birds- http://www.quertime.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/red_yellow_green_black_angry_birds_socks.jpg
Ninja turtles- http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41Q1rDMQBQL._SL500_AA300_.jpg
Scoobie doo- http://assets.lolquiz.com/4b2e384591513.jpg
Peyton- http://c553622.r22.cf2.rackcdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/p1_manning2.jpg