Psyche! I'm not really going to write about the Pro Bowl, because I'm not really going to watch the Pro Bowl. Other than seeing all of the best players together on the same field (which is like watching a football game in a bizarro universe for a Lions fan) and seeing the really cool uniforms (to see a team of football players wearing different helmets is like watching the sports version of the Nockmaar army)- there is really no point to an NFL all-star game. I mean, football is probably the most physical of the four major sports (yes, I still consider hockey a major sport, and yes, hockey can contend with the physical aspects of football), but these guys are in Hawaii, their football seasons already over. How much do they really want to get beat up for an all-star game?
Plus, they have rules like you can only rush a certain number of players, and only blitz like once every three downs or something. And football plays take a long time to really master- yet these guys get about a week. It all adds up to lame football.
So I don't want to take anything away from those players that excelled over the course of the season and earned a shot to be all-stars. You guys deserve it. Just don't expect me to watch it. Because it's not really football.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Crowd Control
I was talking to a friend the other day about the second baby boom that has apparently hit our local church. In the past two years, she said, upwards of around 20 babies have been born, either into the church or to people that used to attend and moved away. 20 babies! That's no insignificant number...that's what we in the pros refer to as a 'trend'. Note- I am not actually a professional in any field that would refer to anything as a 'trend', and in fact I'm not even sure 20 is enough to qualify as an actual trend. For the sake of my blog, though, we shall assume that I am awesome and am totally telling the truth.
Before I commence further, I should probably back up a little bit and tell you the Parks family philosophy on birth control...since that's actually what this blog is about. And I will do that in fairy tale form....
(The periods represent the fading of our current, present state into the much brighter and softer world of The Fairy Tale)
(Oh, and the italics represent my voice becoming much deeper, with a sort of silky smooth tone)
Once upon a time there was a young couple named Jason and Sara.
Jason and Sara were cool people, but they were young and naive.
When they talked about having children, they smiled and said 'We will trust God'.
Little did they know that God's first command to humans was 'Be fruitful and multiply', which apparently has nothing to do with agriculture or mathematics.
So one day, early on in their marriage, Sara woke up and was pregnant. And Jason and Sara continued to eat fruit and do their math. Some time later, Sara woke up and was pregnant again. Then Jason and Sara realized the true meaning of fruit and multiplication.
The End.
And so it was that we decided that we were not going to be passive in this process. Understand that we hold nothing against those that are- some people like to get pregnant and have children. That is fine- for them. Not for us though. Not right now. When I told my friend our birth control philosophy (not in fairy tale form though :( ) she jokingly told me that maybe it was a faith issue. So then naturally my brain wheels started turning.
To me, this is not as spiritual of an issue as some people think it is. In Scripture, the first recorded commandment is 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it' (Genesis 1:28). But this wasn't just an empty statement- He also created humanity with the means to accomplish this task. (Puts on adult hat) (wait a minute sickos, not that adult hat) We can put all the spiritual spin on this that we want, but at the end of the day, procreation involves action in the physical realm. Sex=babies. Males produce sperm. Females produce eggs. Males get the sperm to the eggs. Then fruitful multiplication begins.
We are playing within the confines of a very structured system that God has made. God wants us to procreate. He gave us the means and the desire to do so- biologically, we (like all animals) have a drive to further our species existence. Socially, we want to create a legacy through our children.
Another thing to keep in mind- if God said those same words that He is recorded as saying in Genesis, He was saying them to Adam and Eve. The only two people on Earth! Of course they need to go forth and multiply- otherwise the human race would have died out before it got started. And then whose blog would you read?
There is definitely no need to populate the Earth at this point- if anything, we need to slow down the population process. We're already too big for this planet, and consuming our already overly stretched resources at an alarming rate. Yes, children are a blessing from the Lord- but what if we can't bless them? What if we bring them into a world that cannot support them? There is a hierarchy of needs- and the bottom level is food, water, and shelter. If there's too many humans, then there isn't going to be enough of those things.
I don't want to say "Do this, don't do that"- I do think that these are decisions that need to be made by the couple themselves. Obviously we don't want to all stop having children- there needs to be a balance between the birth and death rates. But we do need to be mindful of how many people our planet can sustain and how many children we can really give our undivided love and affection to.
And for us right now, that number is 'two'.
Before I commence further, I should probably back up a little bit and tell you the Parks family philosophy on birth control...since that's actually what this blog is about. And I will do that in fairy tale form....
(The periods represent the fading of our current, present state into the much brighter and softer world of The Fairy Tale)
(Oh, and the italics represent my voice becoming much deeper, with a sort of silky smooth tone)
Once upon a time there was a young couple named Jason and Sara.
Jason and Sara were cool people, but they were young and naive.
When they talked about having children, they smiled and said 'We will trust God'.
Little did they know that God's first command to humans was 'Be fruitful and multiply', which apparently has nothing to do with agriculture or mathematics.
So one day, early on in their marriage, Sara woke up and was pregnant. And Jason and Sara continued to eat fruit and do their math. Some time later, Sara woke up and was pregnant again. Then Jason and Sara realized the true meaning of fruit and multiplication.
The End.
And so it was that we decided that we were not going to be passive in this process. Understand that we hold nothing against those that are- some people like to get pregnant and have children. That is fine- for them. Not for us though. Not right now. When I told my friend our birth control philosophy (not in fairy tale form though :( ) she jokingly told me that maybe it was a faith issue. So then naturally my brain wheels started turning.
To me, this is not as spiritual of an issue as some people think it is. In Scripture, the first recorded commandment is 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it' (Genesis 1:28). But this wasn't just an empty statement- He also created humanity with the means to accomplish this task. (Puts on adult hat) (wait a minute sickos, not that adult hat) We can put all the spiritual spin on this that we want, but at the end of the day, procreation involves action in the physical realm. Sex=babies. Males produce sperm. Females produce eggs. Males get the sperm to the eggs. Then fruitful multiplication begins.
We are playing within the confines of a very structured system that God has made. God wants us to procreate. He gave us the means and the desire to do so- biologically, we (like all animals) have a drive to further our species existence. Socially, we want to create a legacy through our children.
Another thing to keep in mind- if God said those same words that He is recorded as saying in Genesis, He was saying them to Adam and Eve. The only two people on Earth! Of course they need to go forth and multiply- otherwise the human race would have died out before it got started. And then whose blog would you read?
There is definitely no need to populate the Earth at this point- if anything, we need to slow down the population process. We're already too big for this planet, and consuming our already overly stretched resources at an alarming rate. Yes, children are a blessing from the Lord- but what if we can't bless them? What if we bring them into a world that cannot support them? There is a hierarchy of needs- and the bottom level is food, water, and shelter. If there's too many humans, then there isn't going to be enough of those things.
I don't want to say "Do this, don't do that"- I do think that these are decisions that need to be made by the couple themselves. Obviously we don't want to all stop having children- there needs to be a balance between the birth and death rates. But we do need to be mindful of how many people our planet can sustain and how many children we can really give our undivided love and affection to.
And for us right now, that number is 'two'.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Conference Championship Weekend- or, the twilight of the 2010 NFL season as we know it
The NFL season is almost over...which means that we here at youshouldknowjasonparks.blogspot.com headquarters are scrambling around for other things to write about. In the mean time- there is still more football to be played, and thus more inane nonsense for me to write about! In case you missed my work on the Wild Card round or the Divisional round, I have hyperlinked it for your viewing pleasure. Please, please- I only live to serve.
Congrats to the Packers and Steelers. And congratulations to you reader, because you get to read what I was thinking about as I watched them enter into Super Bowl territory.
-Green Bay at Chicago
The Packers took it right down on their first possession with ridiculous ease- and yet they only scored one other offensive touchdown the whole game. I often wonder why teams that start super fast like that do not often seem to be able to sustain that. It reminds me of week 1- the season kickoff game between the Saints and the Vikings, and the rematch of last seasons NFC Championship game. The Saints looked like world beaters on their first possession, and marched it right down for a ridiculously easy touchdown. Then they spent the rest of the game having to scratch and claw for every yard. Do defenses really adjust that quickly? Or do the offenses just get super over-confident?
I may or may not have taken a break from the game late in the first half until the start of the second half, so I had no idea that Jay Cutler got hurt and I was really shocked when they brought Todd Collins in. And it was absolutely at the worst time possible. Brian Urlacher made that huge pick in the red zone and almost returned it for a touchdown, the Bears had this huge wave of momentum- and then Todd Collins trots out onto the field. I literally felt like the game was over at that point.
I have fond memories of Collins as a U-M QB, and I felt that he got the shaft in Buffalo after his one season as a starter- so believe me when I tell you that I derive no joy from what I am about to say. Todd Collins may have been the worst QB in the history of the world this season. His numbers from this season- including the postseason (10-31, 68 yards, 0 TD and 5 INT) are approaching Ryan Leaf-bad, but it was the fact that he played the position like they had found a random guy on the street and suited him up. At no point during his two series' did I feel like I was watching an NFL QB...or even a college QB...more like a really bad JV QB on a sad sack Class-D (sorry- Division 8) team. Todd- I really hope that retirement is kinder to you then your time in Chicago was.
Of course, thanks to the internet age we live in, the haters, conspiracy theorists, and "fans" were out in full riot mode over Cutler's mystery injury (which we found out today was a sprained MCL). Particularly scathing was the criticism (via Twitter) from his peers. Of course, his team rushed to his defense, but as Monday came to a close, Cutler-gate (I know, I know- take x conspiracy and add -gate on the end, how original) was not even close to being finished.
Now, I didn't want to say this during the season because I'm a true warrior and competitor..but it's possible that Jay Cutler sabotaged my Fantasy Football season. I'm just saying- when I played him, he sucked, but when I sat him out, he was amazing. I don't want to say that Cutler is a quitter- but he's a real big meany head and possibly a double agent.
Definite props to Tim Mashtay- punters don't get the recognition that they deserve, but Mashtay did a brilliant job of punting and kept the Bears offense pinned deep in their own territory. When your offense is struggling and you have to start drives inside your own 10 yard line- it can be a devastating combo.
Aside from not being a very big American Idol fan to being with- the presence of Steven Tyler is definitely not a compelling reason for me to watch the show...especially since his physical appearance and mannerisms in the promo ads remind me of a 15 year old girl. I know that Steven was a highly successful rocker dude, and he has always looked like a woman...but he's really taking it to the next level for American Idol.
Caleb Hanie played very well coming off the bench- even Troy Aikman agreed with me. Speaking of Troy Aikman- I'm not an especially big fan of the Joe Buck/Troy Aikman announcing team, and it makes me sad that Fox believes them to be their top guys. I personally prefer Jim Nantz and Phil Simms. Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth are good too, and Gus Johnson pretty much rocks whoever he is with. I just think Buck is too dry in his delivery, and Aikman is not dynamic enough to make this Summerall/Madden II combo work.
-New York at Pittsburgh
If the Steelers can play a whole game like they played that first half- then the Packers might want to stay home. That was one of the most dominating performances I've ever seen in football in a long time. It was 24-0 at one point, and really it wasn't even that close. Of course, the second half was a different story, which is why I had to sweat out the last few minutes of the game.
If I'm playing a backyard game of football, and I can choose from the entire pool of NFL players- I am picking Big Ben first. Hands down. He's like Houdini if Houdini was three times bigger and actually played football. Oh, and if he had a rocket launcher for an arm. I might pick Rashard Mendenhall second...what an amazing performance by that young man last night. I actually think MANdenhall would be a more appropriate rendering of his last name- what a beastly outing against a defense that doesn't get shredded like that (121 yards rushing and a TD, 32 yards receiving) very often.
Big ups to CMU Chippewa alum Antonio Brown, who for the second straight game made a clutch catch late in the game for the Steelers. And to think- before last week I didn't even know he had entered the NFL draft. Now- the Steelers would likely not be going to the Super Bowl without him. Funny thing, fate is.
Can the mainstream sports media just admit that they really don't know what to make about Rex Ryan's shenanigans? Last week, several columns basically said that Ryan was biting off more than he could chew by trash-talking Bill Belichick and the Patriots- and the Jets owned them (much to my chagrin). This past week, columnists were saying how Ryan is a 'master strategist' and was showing us all his brilliance by the way he uses press conferences to manipulate his opponents- and the Jets promptly came out and got pantsed. Look, I get it- there is this human need to rationalize events that don't seem to make sense- and really, Rex Ryan doesn't make sense. But don't try to dupe us- you don't know. We don't know. Nobody knows. And that's okay.
I mentioned earlier that I really like Nantz and Simms, but I definitely blame Nantz for that safety. It was a blatant case of Announcer Jinx. Fortunately it didn't come back to haunt the Steelers...otherwise I would have had to send Jim Nantz a mean letter.
As far as Super Bowl 45 goes (I'm sorry- I don't really remember the Roman numerals for the game, and really this is American football, not Roman football, so I think we should use American numbers)- if Pittsburgh can play a full game the way they played against the Ravens in the second half or the Jets in the first half- I can't see any team beating them. However, if any of the Ravens game first half or Jets game second half creeps in- then the Packers will be Titletown again. Personally, as impressed as I've been with the Steelers at times, the lack of consistency cannot be just wished away, and the Packers seem to have been more consistent. I predict a Packers win, although I think this game is going to go down to the wire and be one for the ages.
Congrats to the Packers and Steelers. And congratulations to you reader, because you get to read what I was thinking about as I watched them enter into Super Bowl territory.
-Green Bay at Chicago
The Packers took it right down on their first possession with ridiculous ease- and yet they only scored one other offensive touchdown the whole game. I often wonder why teams that start super fast like that do not often seem to be able to sustain that. It reminds me of week 1- the season kickoff game between the Saints and the Vikings, and the rematch of last seasons NFC Championship game. The Saints looked like world beaters on their first possession, and marched it right down for a ridiculously easy touchdown. Then they spent the rest of the game having to scratch and claw for every yard. Do defenses really adjust that quickly? Or do the offenses just get super over-confident?
I may or may not have taken a break from the game late in the first half until the start of the second half, so I had no idea that Jay Cutler got hurt and I was really shocked when they brought Todd Collins in. And it was absolutely at the worst time possible. Brian Urlacher made that huge pick in the red zone and almost returned it for a touchdown, the Bears had this huge wave of momentum- and then Todd Collins trots out onto the field. I literally felt like the game was over at that point.
I have fond memories of Collins as a U-M QB, and I felt that he got the shaft in Buffalo after his one season as a starter- so believe me when I tell you that I derive no joy from what I am about to say. Todd Collins may have been the worst QB in the history of the world this season. His numbers from this season- including the postseason (10-31, 68 yards, 0 TD and 5 INT) are approaching Ryan Leaf-bad, but it was the fact that he played the position like they had found a random guy on the street and suited him up. At no point during his two series' did I feel like I was watching an NFL QB...or even a college QB...more like a really bad JV QB on a sad sack Class-D (sorry- Division 8) team. Todd- I really hope that retirement is kinder to you then your time in Chicago was.
Of course, thanks to the internet age we live in, the haters, conspiracy theorists, and "fans" were out in full riot mode over Cutler's mystery injury (which we found out today was a sprained MCL). Particularly scathing was the criticism (via Twitter) from his peers. Of course, his team rushed to his defense, but as Monday came to a close, Cutler-gate (I know, I know- take x conspiracy and add -gate on the end, how original) was not even close to being finished.
Now, I didn't want to say this during the season because I'm a true warrior and competitor..but it's possible that Jay Cutler sabotaged my Fantasy Football season. I'm just saying- when I played him, he sucked, but when I sat him out, he was amazing. I don't want to say that Cutler is a quitter- but he's a real big meany head and possibly a double agent.
Definite props to Tim Mashtay- punters don't get the recognition that they deserve, but Mashtay did a brilliant job of punting and kept the Bears offense pinned deep in their own territory. When your offense is struggling and you have to start drives inside your own 10 yard line- it can be a devastating combo.
Aside from not being a very big American Idol fan to being with- the presence of Steven Tyler is definitely not a compelling reason for me to watch the show...especially since his physical appearance and mannerisms in the promo ads remind me of a 15 year old girl. I know that Steven was a highly successful rocker dude, and he has always looked like a woman...but he's really taking it to the next level for American Idol.
Caleb Hanie played very well coming off the bench- even Troy Aikman agreed with me. Speaking of Troy Aikman- I'm not an especially big fan of the Joe Buck/Troy Aikman announcing team, and it makes me sad that Fox believes them to be their top guys. I personally prefer Jim Nantz and Phil Simms. Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth are good too, and Gus Johnson pretty much rocks whoever he is with. I just think Buck is too dry in his delivery, and Aikman is not dynamic enough to make this Summerall/Madden II combo work.
-New York at Pittsburgh
If the Steelers can play a whole game like they played that first half- then the Packers might want to stay home. That was one of the most dominating performances I've ever seen in football in a long time. It was 24-0 at one point, and really it wasn't even that close. Of course, the second half was a different story, which is why I had to sweat out the last few minutes of the game.
If I'm playing a backyard game of football, and I can choose from the entire pool of NFL players- I am picking Big Ben first. Hands down. He's like Houdini if Houdini was three times bigger and actually played football. Oh, and if he had a rocket launcher for an arm. I might pick Rashard Mendenhall second...what an amazing performance by that young man last night. I actually think MANdenhall would be a more appropriate rendering of his last name- what a beastly outing against a defense that doesn't get shredded like that (121 yards rushing and a TD, 32 yards receiving) very often.
Big ups to CMU Chippewa alum Antonio Brown, who for the second straight game made a clutch catch late in the game for the Steelers. And to think- before last week I didn't even know he had entered the NFL draft. Now- the Steelers would likely not be going to the Super Bowl without him. Funny thing, fate is.
Can the mainstream sports media just admit that they really don't know what to make about Rex Ryan's shenanigans? Last week, several columns basically said that Ryan was biting off more than he could chew by trash-talking Bill Belichick and the Patriots- and the Jets owned them (much to my chagrin). This past week, columnists were saying how Ryan is a 'master strategist' and was showing us all his brilliance by the way he uses press conferences to manipulate his opponents- and the Jets promptly came out and got pantsed. Look, I get it- there is this human need to rationalize events that don't seem to make sense- and really, Rex Ryan doesn't make sense. But don't try to dupe us- you don't know. We don't know. Nobody knows. And that's okay.
I mentioned earlier that I really like Nantz and Simms, but I definitely blame Nantz for that safety. It was a blatant case of Announcer Jinx. Fortunately it didn't come back to haunt the Steelers...otherwise I would have had to send Jim Nantz a mean letter.
As far as Super Bowl 45 goes (I'm sorry- I don't really remember the Roman numerals for the game, and really this is American football, not Roman football, so I think we should use American numbers)- if Pittsburgh can play a full game the way they played against the Ravens in the second half or the Jets in the first half- I can't see any team beating them. However, if any of the Ravens game first half or Jets game second half creeps in- then the Packers will be Titletown again. Personally, as impressed as I've been with the Steelers at times, the lack of consistency cannot be just wished away, and the Packers seem to have been more consistent. I predict a Packers win, although I think this game is going to go down to the wire and be one for the ages.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
They may not pay me, but I can still represent. Yo.
One of the things I admire most about my blog is that it isn't specialized. I feel free to write about whatever I want, at any given time. I am not bound by the limits set by my particular subject matter- the world is my subject matter. I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a modern Renaissance Man...but I am a modern Renaissance Man.
Speaking of the Renaissance, that is the time period that I am going to take this blog to now...back in time, through a mysterious machine that allows people to relive the genetic memories of their ancestors. That's right folks- I'm talking about Assassins Creed.
I've been playing the game series for about a year now, ever since I picked up the first game in December of 2010- and I just love it. It's amazing, it's breathtaking, and it will not only knock your socks off- it will incinerate them with a blast of fiery breath from its nostrils.
The first game is definitely the weakest of the three, and I cannot imagine I'll play it again. It's not so much an indictment of that game, though, as it is praise to the quality of the later games. However, it is the birthplace of the franchise, so it will always have a special place in my heart.
I love these games for their basic tenets- you are an assassin- and you are free to roam around entire cities (which the peeps at Ubisoft went to painstaking lengths to make into very realistic digital replicas) and kill bad guys. Oh, and you can jump off of tall buildings into piles of hay. Sounds simple enough- but until you've seen the backdrop of Jerusalem from the Dome of the Rock...or Roma from the Coliseum, you have no idea how wondrous these games are.
I just recently picked up the most recent installment, Assassins Creed: Brotherhood, which is more of an "expansion" as opposed to a "sequel" to Assassins Creed II. And as much as I loved II way more than the first one, I think I love Brotherhood that much more than II.
Note: This is not in any way, shape, or form a thorough review on any of the Assassins Creed games. This is very much a quick blog about about the series and my nerdgasm for it. For more in-depth and detailed reviews, please visit here or here. I just recommend playing them, because you may grow to love them as I have.
First of all, I'm in love with addition of a crossbow as a weapon. I utilize it almost exclusively as my ranged weapon. I love to use my crossbow to shoot the guards that are on horseback (another fun new feature). If that guard was riding an armored horse, I will definitely steal it- and then use my sweet whistle to call the horse to me at a future point. There is a guild of assassins that I am responsible for, and can call on at any time. It's nice to have them come in and dispatch a unit of guards while I rummage through the deceased looking for coins and other trinkets like medicine or bullets. Sometimes, beggars will come up to me asking for money, and I will throw a smoke bomb instead.
I also really like the way that the game flow is set up. I mean, there is so much to do outside of the actual missions- I've played for several hours and am only about a third of the way through the game. And I love that! I love that my hard-earned money (well, scratch that. I got it as a Christmas present. Actually, I got the Xbox-360 version as a Christmas present. Which I had to take back to Wal-Mart and exchange for some toilet paper and pull-ups, because we were dirt poor around Christmas) is going to be worth it.
Assassins Creed: Brotherhood is the best game ever. I am Ezio de Audit....um, Jason Parks, and I approve this message.
PIC: http://www.gameinformer.com/games/assassins_creed_brotherhood/b/xbox360/archive/2010/06/14/e3-preview.aspx
Speaking of the Renaissance, that is the time period that I am going to take this blog to now...back in time, through a mysterious machine that allows people to relive the genetic memories of their ancestors. That's right folks- I'm talking about Assassins Creed.
I've been playing the game series for about a year now, ever since I picked up the first game in December of 2010- and I just love it. It's amazing, it's breathtaking, and it will not only knock your socks off- it will incinerate them with a blast of fiery breath from its nostrils.
The first game is definitely the weakest of the three, and I cannot imagine I'll play it again. It's not so much an indictment of that game, though, as it is praise to the quality of the later games. However, it is the birthplace of the franchise, so it will always have a special place in my heart.
I love these games for their basic tenets- you are an assassin- and you are free to roam around entire cities (which the peeps at Ubisoft went to painstaking lengths to make into very realistic digital replicas) and kill bad guys. Oh, and you can jump off of tall buildings into piles of hay. Sounds simple enough- but until you've seen the backdrop of Jerusalem from the Dome of the Rock...or Roma from the Coliseum, you have no idea how wondrous these games are.
I just recently picked up the most recent installment, Assassins Creed: Brotherhood, which is more of an "expansion" as opposed to a "sequel" to Assassins Creed II. And as much as I loved II way more than the first one, I think I love Brotherhood that much more than II.
Note: This is not in any way, shape, or form a thorough review on any of the Assassins Creed games. This is very much a quick blog about about the series and my nerdgasm for it. For more in-depth and detailed reviews, please visit here or here. I just recommend playing them, because you may grow to love them as I have.
First of all, I'm in love with addition of a crossbow as a weapon. I utilize it almost exclusively as my ranged weapon. I love to use my crossbow to shoot the guards that are on horseback (another fun new feature). If that guard was riding an armored horse, I will definitely steal it- and then use my sweet whistle to call the horse to me at a future point. There is a guild of assassins that I am responsible for, and can call on at any time. It's nice to have them come in and dispatch a unit of guards while I rummage through the deceased looking for coins and other trinkets like medicine or bullets. Sometimes, beggars will come up to me asking for money, and I will throw a smoke bomb instead.
I also really like the way that the game flow is set up. I mean, there is so much to do outside of the actual missions- I've played for several hours and am only about a third of the way through the game. And I love that! I love that my hard-earned money (well, scratch that. I got it as a Christmas present. Actually, I got the Xbox-360 version as a Christmas present. Which I had to take back to Wal-Mart and exchange for some toilet paper and pull-ups, because we were dirt poor around Christmas) is going to be worth it.
Assassins Creed: Brotherhood is the best game ever. I am Ezio de Audit....um, Jason Parks, and I approve this message.
PIC: http://www.gameinformer.com/games/assassins_creed_brotherhood/b/xbox360/archive/2010/06/14/e3-preview.aspx
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Lord of the Heroclix!!!
Yesterday, WizKids/NECA announced that they were coming out with a couple games based on the Lord of the Rings franchise. But I only (at this point) care about the first one- you know, the one that is Heroclix compatible!!!
I'm so excited about this announcement. I mean, I was very excited when WizKids/NECA announced the Watchmen Heroclix set (which, BTWs, having the gift of future-telling I knew would begat cooler new licenses)...
because I loved the graphic novel and liked the movie...but this is Lord of the Rings. Freakin' Lord of the freakin' Rings freakin'!!!
Now, as hard as this may be to believe, not everyone agrees that this is the best thing to ever happen to humanity. Some people feel that the inclusion of Lord of the Rings into Heroclix (combined with some of the other Clix-based games that WizKids/NECA is introducing, such as Street Fighter) is going to have a negatively profound impact on the game of Heroclix, which is currently based on comic book superheroes.
I suppose I can see this- but it's a little frustrating that there is a tone of doom in gloom in their assessment. For one thing- just because the game is Heroclix compatible does not mean that the primary focus of the game is to be involved in Heroclix. I feel like the compatability factor is a latent function of the figures- that is, that they are being designed and marketed as a part of their own, independent game. The fact that they can be used as a part of Heroclix, while an awesome secondary function, is not their primary intent.
It's like Legos. Each Lego set is primarily designed to interact with other sets within any given genre. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Ninjas- they have designs and certain pieces to go along with that theme. And yet, because they are Legos, you can use them with any other Lego set and have the pieces fit together. It opens up the option to create a myriad of creative and complex worlds. Options are not a bad thing.
Tying into the Lego concept is my second thought, which is that there is a contingent of people, of whom I am a part, that enjoy the crossing of universes. Games like Marvel vs. Capcom or Mortal Kombat vs. DC really appeal to us, because we have a flair for the creative. Our imaginations cannot be contained by the borders of one realms- not when there are other realms to explore. Now, I'm not saying that people that are against this sort of mixing are not creative- but they aren't very creative. Just kidding. I think.
I know that this is just the initial announcement, so there is still a lot of directions that this might go in. But for now- I'm very excited at the possibilities- Legolas and Bullseye squaring off, Aragorn grappling with Spider-man, or even Frodo trying to hide from Batman.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Divisional Playoff Weekend
You watched round 2 of the NFL playoffs- but are you ready for round 2 of my NFL playoff commentary? If not, read round 1, and then come back and consider yourself purified to enter this sacred domain. As with before- these are observations and gut reactions...and some random thoughts.
Before I begin, I just want to say that it was sweet, juicy, delicious irony that one of the commercials right before (or at the beginning, I can't remember) of the Bears/Seahawks game was a shaving cream commercial with Ray Rice and Matt Ryan. I know you guys are the NFL players and I am just the lowly blogger- but you sure didn't look ready on Saturday. There have to be better ways to get ready then to simply use Gilllette- like watching film. Or practicing.
Speaking of shaving, I'd like to use this time to take a moment of silence for all the playoff beards that died this past weekend- particularly those of the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots, whose playoff beards died before they were really ready.
-Baltimore at Pittsburgh
Unfortunately, I missed much of the first quarter because I was in the middle of risking my life driving on snowy Upper Peninsula roads to pick up my kids. I'm not saying I should be Father-of-the-Year...well, actually, I am. I'm writing this down right now so that when it's time to cast your vote, you remember that I am awesome.
Big ups to Todd Heap- he was on my fantasy team. Not only was he on my fantasy team, but I actually started him a couple games- so he produced real live points for me! I had Big Ben for a while back when I thought I could make the playoffs- but I don't like to talk about that.
Also, I didn't know Antonio Brown (CMU) was on the Steelers- that's awesome! I had no idea he had entered the NFL draft. I guess you can say I was very much a bandwagon CMU fan- and when Dan LeFevour left for the NFL, I left the bandwagon. But still, it was pretty sweet to see Brown make the play of the game to win the game for the Steelers- David Tyree would be proud. Maybe in time, they'll begin to call Big Ben to Brown the Big-MAC attack.
Qwest Field in Seattle has the rep, but I almost feel like Heinz Field was more explosive on this day. Maybe it's just the intensity of the rivalry, or the flow of the game (with the ebb and flow of the turnovers), but that stadium was definitely rocking hardcore at times- especially during that second Ravens turnover deep in their own territory that got the Steelers right back in the game.
What a testosterone fest this game was. Scratch that- it was a testosterone sausage-on-steroids fest. These teams are definitely man teams. I mean- Ray Lewis' is able to rip out his own heart , and he wasn't even the toughest guy on the field! That belongs to Troy Polamalu, whose hair is actually made up of little microscopic Troy Polamalus. I realize that's my third video hyperlink- I'll try to tone it down a little bit. I swear. No, for serious.
If you're the Ravens- how do you feel about Joe Flacco as your franchise quarterback? I mean, I'm not thinking they should draft one in the first round next year- he's been to the postseason all three of his season, and has won four playoff games in that time (all on the road). But when it came time to silence the terrible towels, when Baltimore's need was most dire- he went all Dead Men of Dunharrow on them (Just know that I'm purposely not hyperlinking here- but yes, it's a Lord of the Rings reference)- and no, I don't mean that his invincible spirit destroyed the Steeler army and saved the Ravens from certain defeat. The Ravens had that game for the taking- the Steelers were on the ropes, and they couldn't deliver the knock out blow.
-Green Bay at Atlanta
Again, I didn't actually watch the whole thing- we had some friends come over during the second half and we almost watched Caveman, which is Ringo Starrs finest work since Hard Days Night.
Even though the Packers came together in the second half of the year and whupped much ass, you have to wonder what might have been if they didn't suffer all those injuries- could they have been undefeated-or even better than that? Am I just projecting onto my Fantasy Football team, and the fact that Green Bay Packer injuries cost me a shot at not sucking so bad?
I don't care what happened in the second half (and I'm not just saying that because I didn't watch it and am worried that I will lose all my credibility as a football expert)- when Tramon Williams had that pick 6 right at the end of the half, the Falcons were done. They might call Matt Ryan 'Matty Ice' for more positive reasons, but after watching him versus the Saints in week 16 and against the Pack- the only reason to call him that would be in reference to the fact that he was ice-cold. I do think that having ice in your veins probably puts you at high risk of spontaneous hypothermia. Unfortunately for the Falcons, it sets in for Matt Ryan during the playoffs.
The other side of the coin is Aaron Rodgers- oh my goodness! Like I said, I only watched the first half, but even in that short stretch, you could tell this guy was on fire. There is no better QB in the game right now, even Mark Sanchez (I had typed Tom Brady in my notes, but obviously that reference is a little outdated at this point).
-Seattle at Chicago
Oh man- there is something special about watching snowy playoff football at Soldier Field- I think this is what the playoffs were meant to be. It's like God Himself was showering little flakes of approval right before my eyes.
Jay Cutler reminds me of a lot of Adam Banks from the first Mighty Ducks movie. Obviously a special talent, with lots of 'wow' factors going on- and yet, it's almost like he's playing against the green screen while everyone else is actually in the game. The couple times I've seen him this season, he's just completely isolated from the team.
His demeanor was definitely different this game- he was very much a part of what was going on, and he actually responded with what some experts call emotion. I believe that his fist pump after Chester Taylors' late 1st quarter TD was actually some relief from a lifetime of emotional blue balls.
After watching Greg Olsen explode for over 100 yards receiving and a touchdown on just 3 catches, I feel like he must be The Chosen One that was spoken of in the prophecy. Shoot, I might just start calling him The Avatar. He spent most of the season toiling in anonymity, but when this moment arrived, he got that freaky blue glow in his eyes and said 'It's time-time to put an end to the Seahawk Kingdom and claim the world for Da Bears Kingdom'. What a clutch performance. I haven't seen a player make 3 catches count for so much since Randy Moss and his famous Thanksgiving game against the Cowboys as a rookie.
How many former head coaches does Chicago have on their coaching staff? Three? Man, it's like the bizarro-Bill Walsh tree of coaching- instead of young protege's emerging to head up their own programs, the beaten down retreads come limping home with tails gently tucked between legs. However, Chicago is in the NFC championship game, so maybe it pays to have all that (ahem) "experience".
Does anyone else think that Cutler looks like Patrick Dempsey when he has his helmet on? Speaking of Cutler, that was a very gutsy performance. Hats off to him. Hopefully for the Bears, he didn't use up his allotment of playoff magic in this game- because he's going to need every drop of it for next week.
-New York at New England
While switching to this game, I couldn't remember what channel it was on, so I stopped on Channel 6 (NBC) and it was Johnny Weir figure skating to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. It was definitely the first time I've had to say to Delaney 'Nope, not a girl, that is actually a guy'.
Rex Ryan is just setting himself up for a whole lot of 'It's personal' jokes for the rest of his career.
I really don't have much to say about this game. As a man who strives to have some honor and integrity (um....why are you giggling?), I do have to commend the Jets on their victory. Even though I really don't like them (or teams/players that trash talk without having actually earned the right to do so), and hope that the Steelers crush them this coming week- they did come into Foxborough and beat the best team in the league. So there's something to be said for that. So, um, good job.
Predictions? Well, I'll keep this short. Packers and Steelers win next week to advance to the Super Bowl.
Before I begin, I just want to say that it was sweet, juicy, delicious irony that one of the commercials right before (or at the beginning, I can't remember) of the Bears/Seahawks game was a shaving cream commercial with Ray Rice and Matt Ryan. I know you guys are the NFL players and I am just the lowly blogger- but you sure didn't look ready on Saturday. There have to be better ways to get ready then to simply use Gilllette- like watching film. Or practicing.
Speaking of shaving, I'd like to use this time to take a moment of silence for all the playoff beards that died this past weekend- particularly those of the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots, whose playoff beards died before they were really ready.
-Baltimore at Pittsburgh
Unfortunately, I missed much of the first quarter because I was in the middle of risking my life driving on snowy Upper Peninsula roads to pick up my kids. I'm not saying I should be Father-of-the-Year...well, actually, I am. I'm writing this down right now so that when it's time to cast your vote, you remember that I am awesome.
Big ups to Todd Heap- he was on my fantasy team. Not only was he on my fantasy team, but I actually started him a couple games- so he produced real live points for me! I had Big Ben for a while back when I thought I could make the playoffs- but I don't like to talk about that.
Also, I didn't know Antonio Brown (CMU) was on the Steelers- that's awesome! I had no idea he had entered the NFL draft. I guess you can say I was very much a bandwagon CMU fan- and when Dan LeFevour left for the NFL, I left the bandwagon. But still, it was pretty sweet to see Brown make the play of the game to win the game for the Steelers- David Tyree would be proud. Maybe in time, they'll begin to call Big Ben to Brown the Big-MAC attack.
Qwest Field in Seattle has the rep, but I almost feel like Heinz Field was more explosive on this day. Maybe it's just the intensity of the rivalry, or the flow of the game (with the ebb and flow of the turnovers), but that stadium was definitely rocking hardcore at times- especially during that second Ravens turnover deep in their own territory that got the Steelers right back in the game.
What a testosterone fest this game was. Scratch that- it was a testosterone sausage-on-steroids fest. These teams are definitely man teams. I mean- Ray Lewis' is able to rip out his own heart , and he wasn't even the toughest guy on the field! That belongs to Troy Polamalu, whose hair is actually made up of little microscopic Troy Polamalus. I realize that's my third video hyperlink- I'll try to tone it down a little bit. I swear. No, for serious.
If you're the Ravens- how do you feel about Joe Flacco as your franchise quarterback? I mean, I'm not thinking they should draft one in the first round next year- he's been to the postseason all three of his season, and has won four playoff games in that time (all on the road). But when it came time to silence the terrible towels, when Baltimore's need was most dire- he went all Dead Men of Dunharrow on them (Just know that I'm purposely not hyperlinking here- but yes, it's a Lord of the Rings reference)- and no, I don't mean that his invincible spirit destroyed the Steeler army and saved the Ravens from certain defeat. The Ravens had that game for the taking- the Steelers were on the ropes, and they couldn't deliver the knock out blow.
-Green Bay at Atlanta
Again, I didn't actually watch the whole thing- we had some friends come over during the second half and we almost watched Caveman, which is Ringo Starrs finest work since Hard Days Night.
Even though the Packers came together in the second half of the year and whupped much ass, you have to wonder what might have been if they didn't suffer all those injuries- could they have been undefeated-or even better than that? Am I just projecting onto my Fantasy Football team, and the fact that Green Bay Packer injuries cost me a shot at not sucking so bad?
I don't care what happened in the second half (and I'm not just saying that because I didn't watch it and am worried that I will lose all my credibility as a football expert)- when Tramon Williams had that pick 6 right at the end of the half, the Falcons were done. They might call Matt Ryan 'Matty Ice' for more positive reasons, but after watching him versus the Saints in week 16 and against the Pack- the only reason to call him that would be in reference to the fact that he was ice-cold. I do think that having ice in your veins probably puts you at high risk of spontaneous hypothermia. Unfortunately for the Falcons, it sets in for Matt Ryan during the playoffs.
The other side of the coin is Aaron Rodgers- oh my goodness! Like I said, I only watched the first half, but even in that short stretch, you could tell this guy was on fire. There is no better QB in the game right now, even Mark Sanchez (I had typed Tom Brady in my notes, but obviously that reference is a little outdated at this point).
-Seattle at Chicago
Oh man- there is something special about watching snowy playoff football at Soldier Field- I think this is what the playoffs were meant to be. It's like God Himself was showering little flakes of approval right before my eyes.
Jay Cutler reminds me of a lot of Adam Banks from the first Mighty Ducks movie. Obviously a special talent, with lots of 'wow' factors going on- and yet, it's almost like he's playing against the green screen while everyone else is actually in the game. The couple times I've seen him this season, he's just completely isolated from the team.
His demeanor was definitely different this game- he was very much a part of what was going on, and he actually responded with what some experts call emotion. I believe that his fist pump after Chester Taylors' late 1st quarter TD was actually some relief from a lifetime of emotional blue balls.
After watching Greg Olsen explode for over 100 yards receiving and a touchdown on just 3 catches, I feel like he must be The Chosen One that was spoken of in the prophecy. Shoot, I might just start calling him The Avatar. He spent most of the season toiling in anonymity, but when this moment arrived, he got that freaky blue glow in his eyes and said 'It's time-time to put an end to the Seahawk Kingdom and claim the world for Da Bears Kingdom'. What a clutch performance. I haven't seen a player make 3 catches count for so much since Randy Moss and his famous Thanksgiving game against the Cowboys as a rookie.
How many former head coaches does Chicago have on their coaching staff? Three? Man, it's like the bizarro-Bill Walsh tree of coaching- instead of young protege's emerging to head up their own programs, the beaten down retreads come limping home with tails gently tucked between legs. However, Chicago is in the NFC championship game, so maybe it pays to have all that (ahem) "experience".
Does anyone else think that Cutler looks like Patrick Dempsey when he has his helmet on? Speaking of Cutler, that was a very gutsy performance. Hats off to him. Hopefully for the Bears, he didn't use up his allotment of playoff magic in this game- because he's going to need every drop of it for next week.
-New York at New England
While switching to this game, I couldn't remember what channel it was on, so I stopped on Channel 6 (NBC) and it was Johnny Weir figure skating to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. It was definitely the first time I've had to say to Delaney 'Nope, not a girl, that is actually a guy'.
Rex Ryan is just setting himself up for a whole lot of 'It's personal' jokes for the rest of his career.
I really don't have much to say about this game. As a man who strives to have some honor and integrity (um....why are you giggling?), I do have to commend the Jets on their victory. Even though I really don't like them (or teams/players that trash talk without having actually earned the right to do so), and hope that the Steelers crush them this coming week- they did come into Foxborough and beat the best team in the league. So there's something to be said for that. So, um, good job.
Predictions? Well, I'll keep this short. Packers and Steelers win next week to advance to the Super Bowl.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Update for the faithful
First of all- I missed a blog on Friday. So my goal of blogging everyday is dead (of course, I did blog twice on one day, so I'm still averaging a blog a day. Maybe I could locate all the references where I talked about blogging every day and fudge the specifics), but I've been pleased with the year so far. I'm definitely writing more, and I feel more alert and aware mentally- this is where I am hoping that you take it easy on me and don't talk about how it doesn't show up in my blogs.
Anyways- all this is just to say that my blogaday will probably slow down over the next couple weeks. My computer fan (God rest its soul) crapped out, and I've taken it upon myself to try and fix this myself (possibly hoping a little bit that I can't so I can try and talk my wife into an iPad). So it'll probably be a little while for me to figure out how to take the back off the computer, and get the part number, order the part, put it in- meanwhile my wife is using her computer for school and I'm not really feeling a lot of blogging on my awesome Smart Phone.
So I have a couple almost-finished posts in the queue for this week, and hopefully I can find time to hammer out another one. But if you don't hear from me as often as I'm sure you'd like, then hey now you know why.
Peace.
Anyways- all this is just to say that my blogaday will probably slow down over the next couple weeks. My computer fan (God rest its soul) crapped out, and I've taken it upon myself to try and fix this myself (possibly hoping a little bit that I can't so I can try and talk my wife into an iPad). So it'll probably be a little while for me to figure out how to take the back off the computer, and get the part number, order the part, put it in- meanwhile my wife is using her computer for school and I'm not really feeling a lot of blogging on my awesome Smart Phone.
So I have a couple almost-finished posts in the queue for this week, and hopefully I can find time to hammer out another one. But if you don't hear from me as often as I'm sure you'd like, then hey now you know why.
Peace.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Why's are for philosophers, the wize are for action
On January 8, Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot through the head in a shooting spree that also killed six other people. Not long after that, stupid arguments began over who is more responsible for the incident for the use of violent political rhetoric. Seriously- this is like the highest profile game of "Nuh uh...uh huh...Nuh uh...uh huh..." I've seen since Lonestar and Barf were deciding whether to jam the radar.
Shut up guys.Six people died, and don't think so highly of yourselves to think that your opponents are to blame for it. If there was ever a time for political differences to be put aside in the interest of working together towards making the USA a better place, then I'm sure you screwed that up as well. This is ridiculous.
And it's doubly ridiculous because this is not a new problem! Look at sports, for example. Commonplace violent language has existed in our culture long before you idiots started to throw it around like hot potatoes. And I'll give you some examples to prove it.
Note: I am not condoning the use of violent language in sports- I'm just saying that so many of these terms have become a part of my (and millions of other sports fans') vernacular that it's silly to me to think that you can blame this shooting incident on language.
Football is often referred to as "war"- in fact, the Arena Football League used to call their game the "50 yard indoor war". And a head coach better get his guys prepared to go to battle, because if his team does poorly, he's likely to get the "axe".
His chances for success surely increase if he has a quarterback with a strong arm (commonly referred to as a "cannon") that throws long "bombs" and "bullet" passes to his receivers. The quarterback may run plays out of the "shotgun" or "pistol" formations.
Oregon and Oregon State play the 'Civil War' every year. Kansas and Missouri have a Border War. Arizona and Arizona State duel in the desert. And religious schools have Holy Wars with their religious rivals.
If the New York Jets have taught us anything, it is what a football "gunner" is. Well, and how to act like a buffoon.
Hmmmm what else....oh, silly me- I forgot about defense-with all their "blitzs" and quarterback "sacks".
Football isn't the only sport that invokes images of Mark Wahlberg. Hockey goal scorers has its "snipers". College basketball gave us "The Alaskan Assassin", although Trajan is hardly the first athlete to be referred to in that way. It's also generally good to have a long-range "bomber" to nail the late game "dagger" to put the game out of reach.
I definitely do not mean to make light at all of the tragic shooting in Arizona on January 8th. I do, however, fully mean to make light of the ridiculous back and forth about who is more at fault for the shooting. The left doesn't want to take responsibility because theirs is the side that took the violence up a couple octaves. The right doesn't want to take responsibility because it is the right.
Just grow up. Please.
Shut up guys.Six people died, and don't think so highly of yourselves to think that your opponents are to blame for it. If there was ever a time for political differences to be put aside in the interest of working together towards making the USA a better place, then I'm sure you screwed that up as well. This is ridiculous.
And it's doubly ridiculous because this is not a new problem! Look at sports, for example. Commonplace violent language has existed in our culture long before you idiots started to throw it around like hot potatoes. And I'll give you some examples to prove it.
Note: I am not condoning the use of violent language in sports- I'm just saying that so many of these terms have become a part of my (and millions of other sports fans') vernacular that it's silly to me to think that you can blame this shooting incident on language.
Football is often referred to as "war"- in fact, the Arena Football League used to call their game the "50 yard indoor war". And a head coach better get his guys prepared to go to battle, because if his team does poorly, he's likely to get the "axe".
His chances for success surely increase if he has a quarterback with a strong arm (commonly referred to as a "cannon") that throws long "bombs" and "bullet" passes to his receivers. The quarterback may run plays out of the "shotgun" or "pistol" formations.
Oregon and Oregon State play the 'Civil War' every year. Kansas and Missouri have a Border War. Arizona and Arizona State duel in the desert. And religious schools have Holy Wars with their religious rivals.
If the New York Jets have taught us anything, it is what a football "gunner" is. Well, and how to act like a buffoon.
Hmmmm what else....oh, silly me- I forgot about defense-with all their "blitzs" and quarterback "sacks".
Football isn't the only sport that invokes images of Mark Wahlberg. Hockey goal scorers has its "snipers". College basketball gave us "The Alaskan Assassin", although Trajan is hardly the first athlete to be referred to in that way. It's also generally good to have a long-range "bomber" to nail the late game "dagger" to put the game out of reach.
I definitely do not mean to make light at all of the tragic shooting in Arizona on January 8th. I do, however, fully mean to make light of the ridiculous back and forth about who is more at fault for the shooting. The left doesn't want to take responsibility because theirs is the side that took the violence up a couple octaves. The right doesn't want to take responsibility because it is the right.
Just grow up. Please.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Bastardough
Moon dough is evil.
There, I said it. I tried several opening paragraphs to try and lead in, and soften the blow. No luck. Perception is reality, but truth is realitier.
If glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts, then moon dough is the Krippin virus. It might be related to Play-doh, but the truth is that in the Dough family, Moon Dough is an illegitimate child- more 'Moon' than 'Dough'.
It smells bad. It crumbles in your hand- Moon Dough is more like Moon Dust. It gets all over the floors, the chairs, inside the cracks of the table- I wouldn't be surprised in the least to discover that this stuff is airborne.
You know why it doesn't dry out? Because it's not held together by anything. Take marriage for example. Marriages are held together by love, and sometimes the love dries out. When that happens, you have to throw it away and get a new marriage. Moon dough is like those people that go from person to person and never really find love. Sure, they may have fun- but they're just fluffy and they fall apart easily. Oh, and they get dandruff all over the floor.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't buy Moon Dough. But don't buy Moon Dough. Seriously- send this stuff back to where it came from- which I actually believe to be Uranus.
There, I said it. I tried several opening paragraphs to try and lead in, and soften the blow. No luck. Perception is reality, but truth is realitier.
If glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts, then moon dough is the Krippin virus. It might be related to Play-doh, but the truth is that in the Dough family, Moon Dough is an illegitimate child- more 'Moon' than 'Dough'.
It smells bad. It crumbles in your hand- Moon Dough is more like Moon Dust. It gets all over the floors, the chairs, inside the cracks of the table- I wouldn't be surprised in the least to discover that this stuff is airborne.
You know why it doesn't dry out? Because it's not held together by anything. Take marriage for example. Marriages are held together by love, and sometimes the love dries out. When that happens, you have to throw it away and get a new marriage. Moon dough is like those people that go from person to person and never really find love. Sure, they may have fun- but they're just fluffy and they fall apart easily. Oh, and they get dandruff all over the floor.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't buy Moon Dough. But don't buy Moon Dough. Seriously- send this stuff back to where it came from- which I actually believe to be Uranus.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Wild Card Weekend
Before I dig into this post, you need to know a couple things. First of all, I plan to watch a lot of playoff football in the next couple weeks. So plan on reading some blogs about it. Secondly- I am not a football expert. I know the rules, positions, statistics, basic strategy, etc. But this isn't going to be one of those blogs with crazy football insight or scout speak. It's going to be one man's gut reactions to what he sees (and what the announcers tell him he sees). So with that in mind- Wild Card weekend!
-New Orleans at Seattle
This is definitely the game that I watched the most of, although that doesn't necessarily mean much- being easily distracted and having young children is a really bad mix for watching football. It doesn't help that I have a hard time slipping into old school dad mode, where nothing comes before football. But enough about that.
First of all- hats off to the Seahawks. I don't know how long their playoff ride will last, but anytime an underdog wins, it's a big deal. The fact that they had a losing record and beat the defending Super Bowl champs makes it even bigger. It's not quite a 16 seed beating a 1 seed in the NCAA tournament- but I think it's pretty close.
That said- this game was just as much a Saints loss as it was a Seahawks win. The defense looked really bad- 12 year veteran Brandon Stokely (12 year veteran is a synonym for 'cagey', which is itself a synonym for 'old and slow') beat 3 Saints on a deep touchdown, and Marshawn Lynch almost broke an entire defense worth of tackles on his way to a 67 yard dagger touchdown run in the 4th quarter. Matt Hasselbeck was only sacked once.
It was almost like New Orleans took this game for granted, and was never able to really capture a sense of urgency. One play symbolizes this to me. It's easy to miss because it happened early in the game, but it was a 3rd and 2 (or 3ish) inside the red zone on the Saints first possession, and a scrambling Drew Brees threw an incomplete pass to Reggie Bush (Bush dropped the ball). Brees is no Vince Young, but I feel like Brees could have ran for the 1st down instead of throwing an awkward pass to Bush. I almost feel like they didn't take that play as serious as they could have- maybe with more urgency, he would have put his head down and tried to make the 1st down. I don't know for sure. But to me, that play was huge, because instead of taking the opening kick and marching methodically for a touchdown, they had to settle for a field goal. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that you don't allow an underdog to hang around because they start to believe that they can win. You need to bury them, and bury them quickly. It's surprising that the defending champs weren't able to do this.
Next week, I think that the clock strikes midnight on Cinderella. I really don't see the Bears making the same mistakes. True, their offense is nowhere near as prolific as the Saints is- but then, their defense is much more likely to make life miserable for the Seahawks. I see the Bears winning and advancing to the conference finals.
-New York at Indianapolis
I only saw bits and pieces of this game because we were busy making some preparations for my in-laws 30th anniversary celebration. Nonetheless, I have stuff to say, doggone it!
First of all, I do feel bad for Peyton Manning. He's a great QB, a hard worker, and judging from his numerous commercials, a fun guy. Yet, all his qualities and successes haven't added up to significant post season success. Yeah, he has a Super Bowl ring and another appearance- but his list of failures is just as long. The loss to the Jets just adds to that legacy blemish.
I really don't like the Jets. I didn't like them before the season (without even watching Hard Knocks) because I hate the whole 'self promotion' thing. I am much more of the idea that you talk after you win, not before. The circus that came during the season for the Jets (Braylon Edwards DUI, Trip-gate, Foot fetish, etc.) just added to my disdain for them. Police your own, Jets- I am not naive enough to believe that all football teams are made up of saints (only the one in New Orleans), but you have to be able to keep things under wraps. The problem with talking loud and often is that eventually you have to stick your foot in your mouth because you say something stupid.
That said, the Jets win didn't surprise me- only the manner in which it happened. Nick Folk kicks the game winning field goal- really? I had Nick Folk as my fantasy kicker last season. How does he win a playoff game with a field goal? Did that just happen? Where was this last year during my playoffs? Huh?
Peyton and the Colts gave it their all, but they had too many injuries at key positions to pull it out. It was still a very gutsy performance by the men in blue, and I tip my proverbial hat to them. For the Jets- I hope that they have enjoyed their postseason, because it will be over after next weeks visit to the Patriots.
What stood out most to me about this game was the sequence late in the first half where the Jets were trying to get the ball to Dustin Keller and Mark Sanchez overthrew him- three straight times. Three. Straight. Times. You may get away with that against a banged up Colts team- but not against the Patriots. Sanchez still has time to develop into a really good QB- but he's definitely not there right now. Probably because he spends too much time throwing 2-liters and overacting.
-Baltimore at Kansas City
First of all, hats off to the Chiefs- they had a great season with a young team. And in no way is my perception of their success biased by the presence of Dwayne Bowe on my fantasy team this season. No really, it's not.
Ever since the 90's, when I first started paying attention to football, I've had this sort of mystical perception of the Kansas City Chiefs franchise. It's probably because they only play the Lions once every blue moon, and Arrowhead stadium seemed to be one of the most intense and passionate stadiums. Whatever the case- I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the Chiefs.
Speaking of soft spots in hearts, the Ravens found the soft spot in the Chiefs', plunged their hands in, and ripped it out and then ate it. Baltimore was simply dominant- witness their 4th quarter 10+ minute drive to squelch any hope that the Chiefs may have had. Both teams were in the playoffs- but the Ravens are obviously in a completely different league when it comes to postseason football.
I found it interesting that Joe Flacco has never played in a home playoff football game. Barring a major upset by the Jets, he won't play in any this season either.
Next weeks Baltimore-Pittsburgh game will pay homage to the olden days, when football was a man's sport. I look forward to watching it in my Snuggie.
-Green Bay at Philadelphia
Living in the Upper Peninsula is basically like living in Wisconsin as far as football goes. Our local newspaper covers the Packers like a local team. The locals root for the Packers. Even my Alma Mater has the same uniform colors as the Packers. So it is tough to openly root against the Packers. I have to be very subtle and subversive. Like that episode of Saved By The Bell where Valley steals the Bayside mascot, I have to be super sneaky.
PACKERS SUCK
Wait, that's not it.
(PACKERS SUCK)
That's better. Now, onto the game!
As much as it might pain me to admit it, the Packers are starting to live up to their preseason hype, and this 6 seed is going to send shockwaves through the rest of the playoffs. I don't see any remaining NFC team that scares them- they beat the Bears in the last week of the season, gave the Falcons all they could handle and more...and who is scared of the Seahawks? Actually...what is a Seahawk?
They found a running game against the Eagles, Aaron Rodgers threw 3 scoring passes, and the defense played very well. If you're a Falcons player, you probably would rather face the Seahawks than the Packers right now (although I doubt any NFL player would be brazen enough to actually say something like that out loud).
For the Eagles- tough way to lose. The magic just seemed to run out at the end- and if you've watched any of the Tinkerbell movies, you know that magic runs out, and you need to have a special blue stone that shines in the moonlight and makes more of it. It will be interesting to see if Vick's tail off at the end of the season will make the Eagles think twice about committing to him long term.
Another thing about Vick- Madden 11 basically treats him like he isn't even there! Seriously- every time he runs or makes a big play, he gets the generic QB treatment. I get that he was out of the NFL for a couple years, and was expected to be a back up when the game was being made. But this is Mike Vick, man- he was on the cover of your game, for crying out loud! How does he rate the same in-game commentary track as such legends as Rusty Smith or Dan LeFevour (sorry Dan- I love you man, but I can't think of any other QBs in the game right now that merit the generic QB commentary track).
That's all I have for now- tune in next week after another round of The Playoffs.
-New Orleans at Seattle
This is definitely the game that I watched the most of, although that doesn't necessarily mean much- being easily distracted and having young children is a really bad mix for watching football. It doesn't help that I have a hard time slipping into old school dad mode, where nothing comes before football. But enough about that.
First of all- hats off to the Seahawks. I don't know how long their playoff ride will last, but anytime an underdog wins, it's a big deal. The fact that they had a losing record and beat the defending Super Bowl champs makes it even bigger. It's not quite a 16 seed beating a 1 seed in the NCAA tournament- but I think it's pretty close.
That said- this game was just as much a Saints loss as it was a Seahawks win. The defense looked really bad- 12 year veteran Brandon Stokely (12 year veteran is a synonym for 'cagey', which is itself a synonym for 'old and slow') beat 3 Saints on a deep touchdown, and Marshawn Lynch almost broke an entire defense worth of tackles on his way to a 67 yard dagger touchdown run in the 4th quarter. Matt Hasselbeck was only sacked once.
It was almost like New Orleans took this game for granted, and was never able to really capture a sense of urgency. One play symbolizes this to me. It's easy to miss because it happened early in the game, but it was a 3rd and 2 (or 3ish) inside the red zone on the Saints first possession, and a scrambling Drew Brees threw an incomplete pass to Reggie Bush (Bush dropped the ball). Brees is no Vince Young, but I feel like Brees could have ran for the 1st down instead of throwing an awkward pass to Bush. I almost feel like they didn't take that play as serious as they could have- maybe with more urgency, he would have put his head down and tried to make the 1st down. I don't know for sure. But to me, that play was huge, because instead of taking the opening kick and marching methodically for a touchdown, they had to settle for a field goal. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that you don't allow an underdog to hang around because they start to believe that they can win. You need to bury them, and bury them quickly. It's surprising that the defending champs weren't able to do this.
Next week, I think that the clock strikes midnight on Cinderella. I really don't see the Bears making the same mistakes. True, their offense is nowhere near as prolific as the Saints is- but then, their defense is much more likely to make life miserable for the Seahawks. I see the Bears winning and advancing to the conference finals.
-New York at Indianapolis
I only saw bits and pieces of this game because we were busy making some preparations for my in-laws 30th anniversary celebration. Nonetheless, I have stuff to say, doggone it!
First of all, I do feel bad for Peyton Manning. He's a great QB, a hard worker, and judging from his numerous commercials, a fun guy. Yet, all his qualities and successes haven't added up to significant post season success. Yeah, he has a Super Bowl ring and another appearance- but his list of failures is just as long. The loss to the Jets just adds to that legacy blemish.
I really don't like the Jets. I didn't like them before the season (without even watching Hard Knocks) because I hate the whole 'self promotion' thing. I am much more of the idea that you talk after you win, not before. The circus that came during the season for the Jets (Braylon Edwards DUI, Trip-gate, Foot fetish, etc.) just added to my disdain for them. Police your own, Jets- I am not naive enough to believe that all football teams are made up of saints (only the one in New Orleans), but you have to be able to keep things under wraps. The problem with talking loud and often is that eventually you have to stick your foot in your mouth because you say something stupid.
That said, the Jets win didn't surprise me- only the manner in which it happened. Nick Folk kicks the game winning field goal- really? I had Nick Folk as my fantasy kicker last season. How does he win a playoff game with a field goal? Did that just happen? Where was this last year during my playoffs? Huh?
Peyton and the Colts gave it their all, but they had too many injuries at key positions to pull it out. It was still a very gutsy performance by the men in blue, and I tip my proverbial hat to them. For the Jets- I hope that they have enjoyed their postseason, because it will be over after next weeks visit to the Patriots.
What stood out most to me about this game was the sequence late in the first half where the Jets were trying to get the ball to Dustin Keller and Mark Sanchez overthrew him- three straight times. Three. Straight. Times. You may get away with that against a banged up Colts team- but not against the Patriots. Sanchez still has time to develop into a really good QB- but he's definitely not there right now. Probably because he spends too much time throwing 2-liters and overacting.
-Baltimore at Kansas City
First of all, hats off to the Chiefs- they had a great season with a young team. And in no way is my perception of their success biased by the presence of Dwayne Bowe on my fantasy team this season. No really, it's not.
Ever since the 90's, when I first started paying attention to football, I've had this sort of mystical perception of the Kansas City Chiefs franchise. It's probably because they only play the Lions once every blue moon, and Arrowhead stadium seemed to be one of the most intense and passionate stadiums. Whatever the case- I've always had a soft spot in my heart for the Chiefs.
Speaking of soft spots in hearts, the Ravens found the soft spot in the Chiefs', plunged their hands in, and ripped it out and then ate it. Baltimore was simply dominant- witness their 4th quarter 10+ minute drive to squelch any hope that the Chiefs may have had. Both teams were in the playoffs- but the Ravens are obviously in a completely different league when it comes to postseason football.
I found it interesting that Joe Flacco has never played in a home playoff football game. Barring a major upset by the Jets, he won't play in any this season either.
Next weeks Baltimore-Pittsburgh game will pay homage to the olden days, when football was a man's sport. I look forward to watching it in my Snuggie.
-Green Bay at Philadelphia
Living in the Upper Peninsula is basically like living in Wisconsin as far as football goes. Our local newspaper covers the Packers like a local team. The locals root for the Packers. Even my Alma Mater has the same uniform colors as the Packers. So it is tough to openly root against the Packers. I have to be very subtle and subversive. Like that episode of Saved By The Bell where Valley steals the Bayside mascot, I have to be super sneaky.
PACKERS SUCK
Wait, that's not it.
(PACKERS SUCK)
That's better. Now, onto the game!
As much as it might pain me to admit it, the Packers are starting to live up to their preseason hype, and this 6 seed is going to send shockwaves through the rest of the playoffs. I don't see any remaining NFC team that scares them- they beat the Bears in the last week of the season, gave the Falcons all they could handle and more...and who is scared of the Seahawks? Actually...what is a Seahawk?
They found a running game against the Eagles, Aaron Rodgers threw 3 scoring passes, and the defense played very well. If you're a Falcons player, you probably would rather face the Seahawks than the Packers right now (although I doubt any NFL player would be brazen enough to actually say something like that out loud).
For the Eagles- tough way to lose. The magic just seemed to run out at the end- and if you've watched any of the Tinkerbell movies, you know that magic runs out, and you need to have a special blue stone that shines in the moonlight and makes more of it. It will be interesting to see if Vick's tail off at the end of the season will make the Eagles think twice about committing to him long term.
Another thing about Vick- Madden 11 basically treats him like he isn't even there! Seriously- every time he runs or makes a big play, he gets the generic QB treatment. I get that he was out of the NFL for a couple years, and was expected to be a back up when the game was being made. But this is Mike Vick, man- he was on the cover of your game, for crying out loud! How does he rate the same in-game commentary track as such legends as Rusty Smith or Dan LeFevour (sorry Dan- I love you man, but I can't think of any other QBs in the game right now that merit the generic QB commentary track).
That's all I have for now- tune in next week after another round of The Playoffs.
Monday, January 10, 2011
@Twitter r teh suxxorz ZOMG!!!!1!!1 pwn'd n00bs!!!1!
When you're as popular and awesome as I am, you tend to get a lot of people asking you about important things in your life. Probably the most important of those is- "Why aren't you on Twitter?".
No really, it's true.
For serious- guys, stop looking at me like that.
Guys?
Okay, okay- so I'm not talking about me- it's actually the life experience of an alternate dimension Jason Parks, where I (he?) am popular and awesome. But aside from having the same name, we have one other thing in common- neither one of us have Twitter.
So why doesn't he have Twitter, you may be asking yourself. I just need to know what he's thinking right now.
Well fear not, loyal followers- I'm going to tell you. Because I only live to serve you, my faithful audience (BTWs, shameless plug- almost 2 weeks straight of blogging nirvana from yours truly!).
I don't personally hold anything against Twitter (other than, perhaps, that I wasn't the first one to discover it and make it super cool). Lots of people use it, and it's definitely added a new dimension to Sports Center for me- now I can watch Stewart Scott talk about what athletes are tweeting. Tweeting!!!
However, there are a couple things that I don't like about Twitter that unfortunately outweigh my desire to have each and every person on the planet wired into my brain.
The first is that I simply cannot limit myself to 140 characters or less. Shoot, sometimes Facebook cuts me off on my statuses, and they have like a 500 character limit. I mean- if Twitter really wants to be the outlet for my immediate thoughts- then they can't just assume that I can relay my thoughts in less than 140 characters. Because that is just not going to happen- I watch USA.
The second is somewhat of an offshoot of the first (if it makes you feel better, you may refer to it as 1a when you are not in my presence). I hate bad grammar. I know I don't always have the best grammar, and I use commas like I am being paid under the table to endorse them- but I also go to painstaking lengths to make sure that I at least have decent grammar, somewhat okay spelling, and a semblance of punctuation.
If you've read any Twitter posts- it's like a train wreck in a tornado in a mine field. Abbreviations, misspellings, l337 speak- and don't get me started on their punctuation atrocity. It's a nightmare! That's why the gods of language got together all those years ago and made The Six Rules of Language and put it on the Rosetta Stone.
To those that twiddle or whatever, I say 'whatever floats your boat'. There are people that use it, enjoy it, and get information from it. So it serves a social function, and I will not vote it off the island. I will just not use it. This blog is my own personal Twitter, and I shall tweet from it to my hearts content.
(This blog post has been brought to you by, Commas. Commas- Separating thoughts to secure peace of mind since the 3rd century B.C.)
No really, it's true.
For serious- guys, stop looking at me like that.
Guys?
Okay, okay- so I'm not talking about me- it's actually the life experience of an alternate dimension Jason Parks, where I (he?) am popular and awesome. But aside from having the same name, we have one other thing in common- neither one of us have Twitter.
So why doesn't he have Twitter, you may be asking yourself. I just need to know what he's thinking right now.
Well fear not, loyal followers- I'm going to tell you. Because I only live to serve you, my faithful audience (BTWs, shameless plug- almost 2 weeks straight of blogging nirvana from yours truly!).
I don't personally hold anything against Twitter (other than, perhaps, that I wasn't the first one to discover it and make it super cool). Lots of people use it, and it's definitely added a new dimension to Sports Center for me- now I can watch Stewart Scott talk about what athletes are tweeting. Tweeting!!!
However, there are a couple things that I don't like about Twitter that unfortunately outweigh my desire to have each and every person on the planet wired into my brain.
The first is that I simply cannot limit myself to 140 characters or less. Shoot, sometimes Facebook cuts me off on my statuses, and they have like a 500 character limit. I mean- if Twitter really wants to be the outlet for my immediate thoughts- then they can't just assume that I can relay my thoughts in less than 140 characters. Because that is just not going to happen- I watch USA.
The second is somewhat of an offshoot of the first (if it makes you feel better, you may refer to it as 1a when you are not in my presence). I hate bad grammar. I know I don't always have the best grammar, and I use commas like I am being paid under the table to endorse them- but I also go to painstaking lengths to make sure that I at least have decent grammar, somewhat okay spelling, and a semblance of punctuation.
If you've read any Twitter posts- it's like a train wreck in a tornado in a mine field. Abbreviations, misspellings, l337 speak- and don't get me started on their punctuation atrocity. It's a nightmare! That's why the gods of language got together all those years ago and made The Six Rules of Language and put it on the Rosetta Stone.
To those that twiddle or whatever, I say 'whatever floats your boat'. There are people that use it, enjoy it, and get information from it. So it serves a social function, and I will not vote it off the island. I will just not use it. This blog is my own personal Twitter, and I shall tweet from it to my hearts content.
(This blog post has been brought to you by, Commas. Commas- Separating thoughts to secure peace of mind since the 3rd century B.C.)
New Template=here!
If you came to my blog, then...wait a minute. If I'm writing this, and you're reading this, then that must mean (no it can't be, this is too good to be true) THAT I HAVE READERS!!!!!
This is the best day ever!
Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah...so if you're reading this, then that must mean that the world has ended. No, that's not it. I have been kidnapped, so give them anything they ask for. Hmmm...still wrong. What was I going to say?
I remember!
If you are reading this, then I want to assure you that yes, you are still at the same best blog ever that you've come to know and love. I just changed the physical appearance without changing any of the spiritual and emotional awesomeness.
I went with the Picture Window theme, because it's awesome. I went with a picture of planet Earth because that's where I live. And I chose a lot of blue because blue is the color of Earth.
Wow...I can't believe that someone is reading my blog- I feel like the king on the Princess Bride- she kissed me!
At this point, I'm sure you're all worried that because I posted twice in one day, that there won't be a post tomorrow. And I don't even need any reassurance- just knowing that you are worried is good enough for me. Just know that yes Virginia, there will be a post tomorrow. You can now resume reading the first post that I posted today. It's an epic tale about the University of Michigan and their dangerous search for a new coach. I invoke references of bawdy bar behavior, 1990's football comedies, and Elvis. It's great!!!
(Golly gee...I have real readers!!!)
This is the best day ever!
Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah...so if you're reading this, then that must mean that the world has ended. No, that's not it. I have been kidnapped, so give them anything they ask for. Hmmm...still wrong. What was I going to say?
I remember!
If you are reading this, then I want to assure you that yes, you are still at the same best blog ever that you've come to know and love. I just changed the physical appearance without changing any of the spiritual and emotional awesomeness.
I went with the Picture Window theme, because it's awesome. I went with a picture of planet Earth because that's where I live. And I chose a lot of blue because blue is the color of Earth.
Wow...I can't believe that someone is reading my blog- I feel like the king on the Princess Bride- she kissed me!
At this point, I'm sure you're all worried that because I posted twice in one day, that there won't be a post tomorrow. And I don't even need any reassurance- just knowing that you are worried is good enough for me. Just know that yes Virginia, there will be a post tomorrow. You can now resume reading the first post that I posted today. It's an epic tale about the University of Michigan and their dangerous search for a new coach. I invoke references of bawdy bar behavior, 1990's football comedies, and Elvis. It's great!!!
(Golly gee...I have real readers!!!)
Okay Michigan...any more bright ideas?
First off, congrats to Jim Harbaugh for landing the San Francisco 49ers gig. I have fond memories of his miracle playoff run in 1995, and I guess since then I've always liked to see him succeed. He strikes me as a classy guy, and from what I've read, he's a heck of a coach. I mean, to bring Stanford to the heights that he did this past season is very impressive.
That said, I don't think he's going to do very well in the NFL. It's a rough transition for most college coaches to the NFL- and I honestly don't see it going much differently in this case. The 49ers have some talent- but they have serious QB questions in a league that demands good QB play. Plus, how quickly will 49er fans turn on him if they get off to a slow start next year and Stanford starts off well (of course, we're assuming that there will be a next season).
But that's not really what I wanted to address. The fact is, I apparently have developed the gift of prophecy- and if you don't believe me, check this out. And no- it doesn't really matter that everyone else was saying the same thing- because I was bold enough to say it (and no, you cannot leave and go do a Google search...you just have to take my word for it, I'm a bona fide clairvoyant).
Unfortunately, at this point, the whole search-for-a-coach situation is really feeling like a Chinese fire drill. I like the fact that U- M AD Dave Brandon took his time- but unfortunately it seems like the cons might end up outweighing the pros. Rich Rod got a month+ to prepare for a bowl game with no vote of confidence for his job, high school recruits got to listen to other coaches play up the lack of stability at Michigan, and any desire that Jim Harbaugh had for the Michigan job left the building.
So now what? Michigan is really starting to look like that dude at the bar that wants to take a girl home and get lucky, only it's close to closing time and the pickings are slim. You could have asked that hot chick (Harbaugh in this case) way earlier in the night, but you wanted to wait it out a little bit with the girl you came with (Rich Rod), but you had too much to drink and kicked her to the curb. So you are basically looking at taking the ugly girl home tonight buddy.
Seriously, I feel like they're grasping at straws and just throwing out names. If there was any inkling back in December that they were going to fire Rodriguez- they probably should have done it, because right now I feel like the odds are increasing that they will be forced to make a seriously panic-driven decision as they continue to get turned down by all the coaching prospects. Bo Pelini? Said no. Pat Fitzgerald? Thanks but no thanks. Jon Gruden? Wait...Jon Gruden? That would be like failing to find a suitable one-night stand mate and just going back to your pad and playing X-box with your roomies.
Of course, Michigan does have a plan- Les Miles. I know, I know- it's not much of a plan. I suppose it's a good sign that he has agreed to meet with Michigan. Maybe he just likes to reject people face to face, I don't know. Maybe it coincides with his need to hunker down for the winter.
But if I was Miles- why would I leave a lucrative coaching gig in the SEC (where I get paid $2.8 million, BTWs) with a team that was 12-2 in the best conference in the land for a team that has 2 losing records in the last 3 years, the worst defense ever, and a team built for a completely different play style? I suppose there is the whole "Michigan-man" thing- but that wasn't enough to entice Harbaugh, and it wasn't enough to sway Miles last time around.
As a seer of the future, I'm not trying to use my new found powers to spread doom and gloom- but I also don't like the direction that this is all headed. At this pace, the Wolverines are in line to get rejected by Kevin O'Shea, Ed Gennero, and Coach Klein. Eric Taylor, though, is practically begging for the job- and by 'begging for the job', I mean he is yelling at his players and looking very confused.
At least we're not the Dolphins- how about that whole soap opera? Searching for a coach while you already have a coach- that sounds like something that even Ohio State wouldn't do.
That said, I don't think he's going to do very well in the NFL. It's a rough transition for most college coaches to the NFL- and I honestly don't see it going much differently in this case. The 49ers have some talent- but they have serious QB questions in a league that demands good QB play. Plus, how quickly will 49er fans turn on him if they get off to a slow start next year and Stanford starts off well (of course, we're assuming that there will be a next season).
But that's not really what I wanted to address. The fact is, I apparently have developed the gift of prophecy- and if you don't believe me, check this out. And no- it doesn't really matter that everyone else was saying the same thing- because I was bold enough to say it (and no, you cannot leave and go do a Google search...you just have to take my word for it, I'm a bona fide clairvoyant).
Unfortunately, at this point, the whole search-for-a-coach situation is really feeling like a Chinese fire drill. I like the fact that U- M AD Dave Brandon took his time- but unfortunately it seems like the cons might end up outweighing the pros. Rich Rod got a month+ to prepare for a bowl game with no vote of confidence for his job, high school recruits got to listen to other coaches play up the lack of stability at Michigan, and any desire that Jim Harbaugh had for the Michigan job left the building.
So now what? Michigan is really starting to look like that dude at the bar that wants to take a girl home and get lucky, only it's close to closing time and the pickings are slim. You could have asked that hot chick (Harbaugh in this case) way earlier in the night, but you wanted to wait it out a little bit with the girl you came with (Rich Rod), but you had too much to drink and kicked her to the curb. So you are basically looking at taking the ugly girl home tonight buddy.
Seriously, I feel like they're grasping at straws and just throwing out names. If there was any inkling back in December that they were going to fire Rodriguez- they probably should have done it, because right now I feel like the odds are increasing that they will be forced to make a seriously panic-driven decision as they continue to get turned down by all the coaching prospects. Bo Pelini? Said no. Pat Fitzgerald? Thanks but no thanks. Jon Gruden? Wait...Jon Gruden? That would be like failing to find a suitable one-night stand mate and just going back to your pad and playing X-box with your roomies.
Of course, Michigan does have a plan- Les Miles. I know, I know- it's not much of a plan. I suppose it's a good sign that he has agreed to meet with Michigan. Maybe he just likes to reject people face to face, I don't know. Maybe it coincides with his need to hunker down for the winter.
But if I was Miles- why would I leave a lucrative coaching gig in the SEC (where I get paid $2.8 million, BTWs) with a team that was 12-2 in the best conference in the land for a team that has 2 losing records in the last 3 years, the worst defense ever, and a team built for a completely different play style? I suppose there is the whole "Michigan-man" thing- but that wasn't enough to entice Harbaugh, and it wasn't enough to sway Miles last time around.
As a seer of the future, I'm not trying to use my new found powers to spread doom and gloom- but I also don't like the direction that this is all headed. At this pace, the Wolverines are in line to get rejected by Kevin O'Shea, Ed Gennero, and Coach Klein. Eric Taylor, though, is practically begging for the job- and by 'begging for the job', I mean he is yelling at his players and looking very confused.
At least we're not the Dolphins- how about that whole soap opera? Searching for a coach while you already have a coach- that sounds like something that even Ohio State wouldn't do.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Desparately seeking normalcy?
What does it mean to be 'normal'? We live in a society that places the calling on us to transcend the common. To be average is to fail. We have to excel and stand out in order to be noticed. So in doing this, we by default have to rise above others, right?
But is there anything wrong with being 'normal' or 'average'? I mean, we can't all stand out. We can't all go against the flow. Society as we understand it needs certain things in place in order to operate efficiently. We might laugh at the person that works at McDonalds- but if not them, then who? It'd either be someone else, or else it would cease to exist. And the Lord knows I can't live without Chicken McNuggets.
I think about this periodically when watching shows where they talk about genetically creating "perfect" humanity using the DNA of the "elite". Now, obviously these shows are slightly far-fetched and would never happen, but it's not as sexy of an idea as it might appear to be. Because all you're doing is upgrading to a higher class of normal.
See, we rely on roles in order to help us to define ourselves. In that end, we actually need criminals. We need deviants. The kids that sit in the back of the class and shoot spit-balls? Gotta have them. Because it is their actions that help us learn what is not okay to do. Also, we can live vicariously through their actions- because we all have that mischievous side that desires to act out, to do that which we know is wrong- but can't act on it, because we are good kids (Yeah, right that has to be it).
Likewise, we need the high achievers as well. There needs to be people that we aspire to be, lest we become complacent. All men may be created equal- but it cannot stay that way.
Why am I blathering on about this? Well, aside from wanting to blog about something that is not related to fantasy football, I've been struggling with this set of expectations that I have for myself, and the expectations that my achievements have placed on me.
As a recent college graduate who was very successful in school, sometimes I wrestle with the fact that I'm currently a stay-at-home dad who works part time doing an after-school program and cleaning class rooms. That doesn't mean that I don't really like what I do- far from it, actually. It's just that...there is this pressure to obtain certain objectives, pressure that doesn't come from anyone with a name or face (which makes it tougher).
In this regard, our church has actually been very helpful in re-framing the idea of greatness. See, in my mind (and the minds of many others, I'd wager), we equate greatness with the level of platform. That is, to be great, your actions must be known far and wide, under the bright lights performed for huge crowds. And that is definitely a form of greatness.
But there is another, more "mundane" form of greatness that transpires in our every day lives. It's the greatness that no one else sees. It's the greatness of preparation. Bill Simmons wrote a piece about the rivalry between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, and the one thing that stands out about both quarterbacks is not their talent or their accolades- it's their willingness to be great in the little things- watching film, lifting weights, working everyday to make themselves better (even though, by our standards they have already achieved greatness). It's not so much that greatness is a destination- it's a journey.
So what does it all mean? It means that for right now- I'm okay with being normal. I don't have to stand out. There are things I can do here and now to contribute to society and my family that will be looked back upon as stepping stones into a much bigger picture. I'm reminded of a Rob Thomas song (strangely enough) from the movie Meet the Robinsons:
Our lives are made in these small hours These little wonders, these twists & turns of fate Time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain
May we all learn to find our greatness in the small hours of life.
But is there anything wrong with being 'normal' or 'average'? I mean, we can't all stand out. We can't all go against the flow. Society as we understand it needs certain things in place in order to operate efficiently. We might laugh at the person that works at McDonalds- but if not them, then who? It'd either be someone else, or else it would cease to exist. And the Lord knows I can't live without Chicken McNuggets.
I think about this periodically when watching shows where they talk about genetically creating "perfect" humanity using the DNA of the "elite". Now, obviously these shows are slightly far-fetched and would never happen, but it's not as sexy of an idea as it might appear to be. Because all you're doing is upgrading to a higher class of normal.
See, we rely on roles in order to help us to define ourselves. In that end, we actually need criminals. We need deviants. The kids that sit in the back of the class and shoot spit-balls? Gotta have them. Because it is their actions that help us learn what is not okay to do. Also, we can live vicariously through their actions- because we all have that mischievous side that desires to act out, to do that which we know is wrong- but can't act on it, because we are good kids (Yeah, right that has to be it).
Likewise, we need the high achievers as well. There needs to be people that we aspire to be, lest we become complacent. All men may be created equal- but it cannot stay that way.
Why am I blathering on about this? Well, aside from wanting to blog about something that is not related to fantasy football, I've been struggling with this set of expectations that I have for myself, and the expectations that my achievements have placed on me.
As a recent college graduate who was very successful in school, sometimes I wrestle with the fact that I'm currently a stay-at-home dad who works part time doing an after-school program and cleaning class rooms. That doesn't mean that I don't really like what I do- far from it, actually. It's just that...there is this pressure to obtain certain objectives, pressure that doesn't come from anyone with a name or face (which makes it tougher).
In this regard, our church has actually been very helpful in re-framing the idea of greatness. See, in my mind (and the minds of many others, I'd wager), we equate greatness with the level of platform. That is, to be great, your actions must be known far and wide, under the bright lights performed for huge crowds. And that is definitely a form of greatness.
But there is another, more "mundane" form of greatness that transpires in our every day lives. It's the greatness that no one else sees. It's the greatness of preparation. Bill Simmons wrote a piece about the rivalry between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, and the one thing that stands out about both quarterbacks is not their talent or their accolades- it's their willingness to be great in the little things- watching film, lifting weights, working everyday to make themselves better (even though, by our standards they have already achieved greatness). It's not so much that greatness is a destination- it's a journey.
So what does it all mean? It means that for right now- I'm okay with being normal. I don't have to stand out. There are things I can do here and now to contribute to society and my family that will be looked back upon as stepping stones into a much bigger picture. I'm reminded of a Rob Thomas song (strangely enough) from the movie Meet the Robinsons:
Our lives are made in these small hours These little wonders, these twists & turns of fate Time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain
May we all learn to find our greatness in the small hours of life.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
50 ways to improve your health...if you are from another planet.
Remember the praises that I sang about the new health care bill? The caution that I preached as the wrinkles were ironed out? Well, I take it all back- you should be outraged at the idea of universal health care...if for no other reason than the fact that our doctors are nothing more than a collection of fancy old wives and their tales. At least, the doctors on TV are.
Sara and I stumbled on a list of 50 health info "nuggets" that sound more like proverbs from Poor Richard. This list of health 'wisdom' came from a doctors website that is an outlet from a doctors TV channel. If you tuned in thinking that you were going to get the benefit of 8+ years of high quality doctoral education- think again.
The full list can be found at http://www.thedoctorstv.com/files/50_Ways.pdf
Sara and I stumbled on a list of 50 health info "nuggets" that sound more like proverbs from Poor Richard. This list of health 'wisdom' came from a doctors website that is an outlet from a doctors TV channel. If you tuned in thinking that you were going to get the benefit of 8+ years of high quality doctoral education- think again.
The full list can be found at http://www.thedoctorstv.com/files/50_Ways.pdf
1. Eating spinach can improve your eyesight.
2. Adding lemon to your green tea will help you get all the health benefits from it.
3. Adding raspberries to your diet can help stabilize your blood sugar and help prevent diabetes.
Basically what I'm getting here is 'eat your fruits and vegetables'. Which our uneducated parents have been telling us for years (uh, hey mom and dad- that didn't come out right, but you know what I mean, right?).
4. Eating a baked potato, especially with the skin, helps increase your potassium levels and decrease blood pressure.
And the only way you can legitimately eat a baked potato is with globs of sour cream, cheese, and bacon bits. I know that doctors know this, so their silence in this matter obviously means that all systems are go.
5. Eating garlic can reduce your risk of prostate cancer by 50 percent.
Unfortunately you also risk missing out on a chance to meet the love of your life.
7. Cinnamon can be a natural appetite suppressant because it controls insulin spikes.
And cinnamon rolls can be a natural appetite suppressant because you just eat so gosh-darn many of them.
9. Don’t drink all of your calories!
Is this really a problem for people? I mean, who doesn't like to get most of their calories from a nice juicy Big Mac, or a chili-cheese burrito. Besides healthy people, I mean.
13. Water vapor from cooking can cause mold, so make sure to always turn the kitchen fan on.
Our kitchen fan is always on- but not to prevent water vapor mold- it's to keep our trigger-happy smoke alarm from going off.
14. Keep your cat off of counters and tables. If it likes to jump on them, try putting sticky paper, aluminum foil or pepper on the surface because cats don’t like them on their paws.
Or, you could just cook your cat. I find that if you wrap them in aluminum foil, season them with a pinch of pepper, and stick them in the oven for 30 minutes, they are simply delicious.
15. Don’t vacuum more than once a week because vacuuming too much can stir up dust mites.
We at the Parks household definitely do not have to worry about vacuuming too often.
16. Always stand when you flush the toilet to avoid getting bacteria from the water on you.
Also, this will help to protect you from sewer alligators or getting suctioned onto the seat.
18. Don’t wet your eye shadow or eyeliner brushes with saliva.
Some of these don't actually need the commentary- it sort of writes itself. This is one of those.
20. Clean make-up brushes with vinegar to kill bacteria.
I actually didn't know this one. Nice work.
22. To avoid medication mix-ups, paint the lids of your prescription bottles.
Or you could, you know, actually read the labels. The ones that the highly trained professionals put on the bottles.
23. Keep birth control pills next to your toothbrush.
Because if you aren't brushing your teeth every day, you are probably already practicing a more natural form of birth control. This idea is a win/win.
25. Have your baby wear sunglasses.
It will remind you that when you have a child, all of the coolness that used to reside in you is subsequently transferred to your children.
27. Wet swimsuits can pose health hazards, so change out of your wet trunks as soon as possible.
Guys call this hazard 'shrinkage'.
32. Put your child on a sleep schedule.
In other news, killing yourself can be hazardous to your health.
37. When running on the treadmill, increase the speed or incline for a better workout.
What is a treadmill?
39. Squeeze your glutes when lifting weights overhead.
Or, you could try squeezing someone else's glutes when they are lifting weights overhead. But that might get you arrested. So maybe don't do that.
41. Plank exercises help burn calories.
Which is one reason why pirates were in such good shape.
43. Improve your fertility by quitting smoking.
Because who wants to kiss an ashtray- seriously?
47. Adding cream or milk to coffee will dilute the dark brown stain coffee can leave and help keep your teeth a little whiter.
It also helps it to not taste like crap.
48. Prevent tooth erosion by drinking a glass of water after drinking soda.
Because doctors realize that Americans are definitely not going to stop drinking soda...even if a doctor tells them to.
50. Hugs help prevent heart disease.
There are some smaller studies that refute this claim.
I don't want to make it sound like these things are 'wrong' or 'bad'...but they also don't really seem to be 2011 newsworthy. I mean, humanity is often stupid, sure- but give us a little bit of credit. But only a little bit.
It also helps it to not taste like crap.
48. Prevent tooth erosion by drinking a glass of water after drinking soda.
Because doctors realize that Americans are definitely not going to stop drinking soda...even if a doctor tells them to.
50. Hugs help prevent heart disease.
There are some smaller studies that refute this claim.
I don't want to make it sound like these things are 'wrong' or 'bad'...but they also don't really seem to be 2011 newsworthy. I mean, humanity is often stupid, sure- but give us a little bit of credit. But only a little bit.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Writings from the past #1 (no, this is not filler, even if it has fillerish qualities)
First of all...aren't you even a little bit impressed? I mean, here we are, a week into January- and I've been blogging pretty consistently (as in, extremely consistently). Granted- I haven't delved into anything too deep yet- but come on- the fact that I have shown this level of motivation in my blogging efforts has to count for something. Right? By the way, I imagine that I won't make a big deal about my consecutive blogging streak forever. Like, I'm sure the first few complete seasons Cal Ripken Jr. put in, he was probably pretty impressed with himself- and then after a while, it's just expected of you. So fear not loyal reader- my fawning over myself is not long for this world!
So over Christmas break, Sara and I did some hardcore organizing and sorting. It was pretty awesome- we threw some stuff away, got some stuff out that we forgot that we had, and cleared some more space in our 900 square footish place. I know, I know- you're impressed.
During all this sorting, I came across a treasure trove of old writings and musings and papers I have written over the years. Some of it (quite a big chunk, actually) is emo-driven babble from early 2000's relationship limbo. Don't worry, I won't subject you to (much of) that. But there was also some stuff that I'm pretty proud of...and since they don't do real life show-and-tell, the next best thing is to blog it!
I'll actually do a pseudo-series of this- and I'll call it "Writings from the past #". Now, I realize that I have taken the good name of "series" and basically treated it as though I was a whaling vessel- but I think that if I can come reasonably close to writing every day this year...I should be able to keep at least some vestige of consistency....I think. Plus, this series is, like, already written- I just have to type it into the computer. How awesome is that!
Anyways, without further ado (which, interesting aside- I used to think was further adieu), here is Writing from the past #1. It is a paper I wrote for a correspondence writing course (for childrens books) that I took back in 2003 (I finished about half of the course before I just stopped submitting work. Are you surprised?). I know it's past the holidays, but since there is still snow on the ground, we'll call it close enough. It's called Rudolph the Red-nosed Radio Tower, and it is a piece about my childhood memories of Christmas Eve at my grandpa and grandma's house.
So over Christmas break, Sara and I did some hardcore organizing and sorting. It was pretty awesome- we threw some stuff away, got some stuff out that we forgot that we had, and cleared some more space in our 900 square footish place. I know, I know- you're impressed.
During all this sorting, I came across a treasure trove of old writings and musings and papers I have written over the years. Some of it (quite a big chunk, actually) is emo-driven babble from early 2000's relationship limbo. Don't worry, I won't subject you to (much of) that. But there was also some stuff that I'm pretty proud of...and since they don't do real life show-and-tell, the next best thing is to blog it!
I'll actually do a pseudo-series of this- and I'll call it "Writings from the past #". Now, I realize that I have taken the good name of "series" and basically treated it as though I was a whaling vessel- but I think that if I can come reasonably close to writing every day this year...I should be able to keep at least some vestige of consistency....I think. Plus, this series is, like, already written- I just have to type it into the computer. How awesome is that!
Anyways, without further ado (which, interesting aside- I used to think was further adieu), here is Writing from the past #1. It is a paper I wrote for a correspondence writing course (for childrens books) that I took back in 2003 (I finished about half of the course before I just stopped submitting work. Are you surprised?). I know it's past the holidays, but since there is still snow on the ground, we'll call it close enough. It's called Rudolph the Red-nosed Radio Tower, and it is a piece about my childhood memories of Christmas Eve at my grandpa and grandma's house.
Rudolph the Red-nosed Radio Tower
Growing up, Christmas Eve meant going to Grandpa and Grandma's house. Grandpa and Grandma Parks lived in a white ranch-style hou(for childrese in Shepherd. Shepherd is smack dab in the middle of the "Mitten", as lower Michigan is affectionately known as. It was in a rural, but not isolated, area surrounded by rolling hills and endless pine tree forests.
We would knock on the door around 4 o'clock. The laundry room was the first room in the house. The faint aroma of baked ham and scalloped potatoes mixed with the odor of Tide and driveway dirt filled the air. The outside chill met the warmth of the furnace head on. Waves of cousins would run out and give us big bear hugs.
As we made our way through the kitchen to the living room, I would always make sure to grab a snack. Usually there were carrots, celery, and lots of other yucky vegetables, but there would also be cheddar cheese with Ritz crackers. There were also popcorn balls. A popcorn ball is just that: a ball of popcorn. You mix Karo Syrup with water and food coloring, boil until hard-ball stage (260 degrees F.), which is between soft ball and soft crack on a cooking thermometer, then pour over the popcorn and shape it into little balls.
The living room was where the adults would hang out. Uncle Jody would always ask about my grades. Aunt Kathy would comment on how much I'd grown (Aunt Kathy was roughly the size of a dwarf, so I was always taller than her anyway) and the dull roar of adult chatting and laughter congested the air.
To retreat from the madness, I would shoot down the fuzzy orange stairs to the basement. The kids congregated here after tearing away from the poking, prodding adults. The dim lights, musty smell and cold, concrete floor created more of a dungeon atmosphere, but that didn't break our spirits. We would engage in epic battles of pool and Monopoly, as well as the arcade game, Mr. Digg. The reserve snacks and pop were in the basement, too. I didn't go upstairs except for dinner food and Santa.
Dinner consisted of juicy ham, lumpy mashed potatoes, fresh corn, biscuits and all the pop we could drink. Santa would show up soon after the meal and hand out gifts. we got to sit on Santa's lap and get our picture taken with him. Santa would bring each kid a gift and we would all open them and compare them with the other gifts.
It always seemed that just when we were starting to have the most fun, it was time to go home. It was sad to leave, but happy because we knew that we were going home to bed and wake up to a tree overflowing with gifts! On the ride home, we would always see a tiny, red light off in the distance. Mom and Dad said that it was the nose of Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer, and that we had to hurry home and get to bed so Santa wouldn't bypass our house. Later on, I learned that the light was actually from a radio tower. I've grown up a little bit since those magic Christmas Eve nights, but I will always cherish those popcorn balls, Mr. Digg, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Radio tower.
Tomorrow, I tear the roof off of health "information". I think you'll love it.
We would knock on the door around 4 o'clock. The laundry room was the first room in the house. The faint aroma of baked ham and scalloped potatoes mixed with the odor of Tide and driveway dirt filled the air. The outside chill met the warmth of the furnace head on. Waves of cousins would run out and give us big bear hugs.
As we made our way through the kitchen to the living room, I would always make sure to grab a snack. Usually there were carrots, celery, and lots of other yucky vegetables, but there would also be cheddar cheese with Ritz crackers. There were also popcorn balls. A popcorn ball is just that: a ball of popcorn. You mix Karo Syrup with water and food coloring, boil until hard-ball stage (260 degrees F.), which is between soft ball and soft crack on a cooking thermometer, then pour over the popcorn and shape it into little balls.
The living room was where the adults would hang out. Uncle Jody would always ask about my grades. Aunt Kathy would comment on how much I'd grown (Aunt Kathy was roughly the size of a dwarf, so I was always taller than her anyway) and the dull roar of adult chatting and laughter congested the air.
To retreat from the madness, I would shoot down the fuzzy orange stairs to the basement. The kids congregated here after tearing away from the poking, prodding adults. The dim lights, musty smell and cold, concrete floor created more of a dungeon atmosphere, but that didn't break our spirits. We would engage in epic battles of pool and Monopoly, as well as the arcade game, Mr. Digg. The reserve snacks and pop were in the basement, too. I didn't go upstairs except for dinner food and Santa.
Dinner consisted of juicy ham, lumpy mashed potatoes, fresh corn, biscuits and all the pop we could drink. Santa would show up soon after the meal and hand out gifts. we got to sit on Santa's lap and get our picture taken with him. Santa would bring each kid a gift and we would all open them and compare them with the other gifts.
It always seemed that just when we were starting to have the most fun, it was time to go home. It was sad to leave, but happy because we knew that we were going home to bed and wake up to a tree overflowing with gifts! On the ride home, we would always see a tiny, red light off in the distance. Mom and Dad said that it was the nose of Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer, and that we had to hurry home and get to bed so Santa wouldn't bypass our house. Later on, I learned that the light was actually from a radio tower. I've grown up a little bit since those magic Christmas Eve nights, but I will always cherish those popcorn balls, Mr. Digg, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Radio tower.
Tomorrow, I tear the roof off of health "information". I think you'll love it.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
New Template (or...this isn't filler, I swear! Well, maybe a little filler)
I have to be honest- this post is sort of just a 'hey, I told them I would blog every day, and I don't have anything to say, but I'm not about to lose my goal in the first week of the new year, so I'm going to just throw any old thing on here' post. Don't worry- I'll make it worth your while (of course, after that inspirational beginning, if you stop reading here, then I don't blame you).
I've been thinking about changing the background template to my blog. I know, I know- change is hard, and I've had this template forever since 2008.
This is not a decision that I enter into lightly. I've seen the fallout from websites switching template designs on other sites (Facebook, HCRealms) to know that this is not something to tread into lightly. People's lives are at stake, man.
However, I also know that there is an entire world of unexplored template designs out there. When I designed this blog, I basically picked the default one and went with that. But now that we've been together for a while...I'm starting to get that wandering eye. I visit other people's blogs and come back to mine feeling like the thrill is gone.
I'm thankful for all the contributions that my template has made. It's been there, and has been so visually unappealing that it has forced people that stumble on my site to actually look at the words that I type. And to that, I am very grateful. But now, it's time to move on. It's time for me to test the merit waters with my writing boat and idea oars. Basically, I can no longer ride on the coattails of a lame blog template and mediocre writing.
Other than filler purposes, the only point to this blog is to let you know that change is coming. Unless you have an Internet Interior Design degree (or have spent time with Tim Gunn), then I'm sure you're just as clueless as I am- and I am way too stubborn and hardheaded to take advice from my peer group. Look for a change coming...and soon.
I've been thinking about changing the background template to my blog. I know, I know- change is hard, and I've had this template forever since 2008.
This is not a decision that I enter into lightly. I've seen the fallout from websites switching template designs on other sites (Facebook, HCRealms) to know that this is not something to tread into lightly. People's lives are at stake, man.
However, I also know that there is an entire world of unexplored template designs out there. When I designed this blog, I basically picked the default one and went with that. But now that we've been together for a while...I'm starting to get that wandering eye. I visit other people's blogs and come back to mine feeling like the thrill is gone.
I'm thankful for all the contributions that my template has made. It's been there, and has been so visually unappealing that it has forced people that stumble on my site to actually look at the words that I type. And to that, I am very grateful. But now, it's time to move on. It's time for me to test the merit waters with my writing boat and idea oars. Basically, I can no longer ride on the coattails of a lame blog template and mediocre writing.
Other than filler purposes, the only point to this blog is to let you know that change is coming. Unless you have an Internet Interior Design degree (or have spent time with Tim Gunn), then I'm sure you're just as clueless as I am- and I am way too stubborn and hardheaded to take advice from my peer group. Look for a change coming...and soon.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
My initial foray into grad school searching- or also, how I was attacked by ninja pirates
I'm sorry Bible, but I have seen the light, and I believe in evolution. I just have to- because it's the only explanation for how those graduate school admission workers descended directly from Velociraptors.
Tim....Tim....Don't do it! Just keep your Bachelors degree and spend the rest of your life underemployed!!!
Assuming that my shocking opening paragraph and stunning visual aid did their job, a bit of background info is probably in order- I graduated from college back in May with a degree in Social Work. In August, my wife started back to school working towards her undergraduate degree in Music Education- relegating me to stay-at-home dad duty and part time employment. Which is fine by me- I get to see my kids, hang out, and set ridiculous goals like blogging every day.
My part time job is at a local Christian school, running an after school program. Working in a school district has been a lot of fun. While I am acutely aware that this job is not all that indicative of the actual experience of working in a school, I can definitely see myself working in a school setting when Sara has graduated and I am able to move onto a "real" (read: full-time) job. I enjoy the setting- and the thought of weekends, holidays, and summers off would be totally off the hook. Yo.
So anyways, I was doing some preliminary (as in, not anytime in the near future) checking into the educational requirements to be a guidance counselor. I found out that a Bachelor of Social Work degree is a no go- you need a Master's level degree with a School Counseling emphasis. However, I have never been one to easily give up. That is, if you don't count the times I have easily given up.
I got on the computer, and went investigating (actually, I went to work and left some tabs open and then got on the computer after work over a nice hot 10 piece nugget and medium fry...with Egg Nog shake). First, I checked on the websites of a couple of in-state schools (Western and MSU). The Michigan State website had some fancy little blurb that indicated they were killing their program (when 'moratorium', 'discontinuation' and 'no new students are being admitted to the program' are on the front page of your on-line brochure, I think it's safe to call off the search), and I wasn't feeling too much like snooping around on the Western page. So I started checking into on-line schools.
Apparently, on-line schools use the money they aren't paying for a physical location to hire guys like Dogg the Bounty Hunter, Bobba Fett, or James Vampire. I mean, seriously- I felt like I just mentioned Blackbriar on the phone, they were on me so fast.
Hello...why yes, I requested information from a grad school. Wait, what? Step away from the window?
The first university (which I won't mention by name becuse I'm like 100% sure that they have tracking technology that could take me out the second my fingers brushed the keys) called me literally within 2 minutes of submitting my request for information. That's right- I wasn't applying- I was just asking for more information (never mind the fact that I said it would be most convenient to call me in the morning). I don't even want to know how these guys work with applications- will I be on my way out the door to mail my app, only to be greeted by Agent K?
Within 20 minutes of sending out a handful of e-information requests, I had 7 e-mails and 4 phone calls (in fairness, I'm assuming that 2 of them were, because I didn't answer the phone). I'm starting to think I may have made a mistake- but unfortunately, I've obviously put myself on "The Radar"...and if I try to back out now, I might just get erased from existence.
Where from here? Well, I'll await the information they send me, look it over, talk it over with my wife...and then wait 2 years until we can actually do something about it. Of course, by then there's a good chance that I will have been kidnapped and mindwiped. By the Graduate-program mind-reading CIA ninjas.
Tim....Tim....Don't do it! Just keep your Bachelors degree and spend the rest of your life underemployed!!!
Assuming that my shocking opening paragraph and stunning visual aid did their job, a bit of background info is probably in order- I graduated from college back in May with a degree in Social Work. In August, my wife started back to school working towards her undergraduate degree in Music Education- relegating me to stay-at-home dad duty and part time employment. Which is fine by me- I get to see my kids, hang out, and set ridiculous goals like blogging every day.
My part time job is at a local Christian school, running an after school program. Working in a school district has been a lot of fun. While I am acutely aware that this job is not all that indicative of the actual experience of working in a school, I can definitely see myself working in a school setting when Sara has graduated and I am able to move onto a "real" (read: full-time) job. I enjoy the setting- and the thought of weekends, holidays, and summers off would be totally off the hook. Yo.
So anyways, I was doing some preliminary (as in, not anytime in the near future) checking into the educational requirements to be a guidance counselor. I found out that a Bachelor of Social Work degree is a no go- you need a Master's level degree with a School Counseling emphasis. However, I have never been one to easily give up. That is, if you don't count the times I have easily given up.
I got on the computer, and went investigating (actually, I went to work and left some tabs open and then got on the computer after work over a nice hot 10 piece nugget and medium fry...with Egg Nog shake). First, I checked on the websites of a couple of in-state schools (Western and MSU). The Michigan State website had some fancy little blurb that indicated they were killing their program (when 'moratorium', 'discontinuation' and 'no new students are being admitted to the program' are on the front page of your on-line brochure, I think it's safe to call off the search), and I wasn't feeling too much like snooping around on the Western page. So I started checking into on-line schools.
Apparently, on-line schools use the money they aren't paying for a physical location to hire guys like Dogg the Bounty Hunter, Bobba Fett, or James Vampire. I mean, seriously- I felt like I just mentioned Blackbriar on the phone, they were on me so fast.
Hello...why yes, I requested information from a grad school. Wait, what? Step away from the window?
The first university (which I won't mention by name becuse I'm like 100% sure that they have tracking technology that could take me out the second my fingers brushed the keys) called me literally within 2 minutes of submitting my request for information. That's right- I wasn't applying- I was just asking for more information (never mind the fact that I said it would be most convenient to call me in the morning). I don't even want to know how these guys work with applications- will I be on my way out the door to mail my app, only to be greeted by Agent K?
Within 20 minutes of sending out a handful of e-information requests, I had 7 e-mails and 4 phone calls (in fairness, I'm assuming that 2 of them were, because I didn't answer the phone). I'm starting to think I may have made a mistake- but unfortunately, I've obviously put myself on "The Radar"...and if I try to back out now, I might just get erased from existence.
Where from here? Well, I'll await the information they send me, look it over, talk it over with my wife...and then wait 2 years until we can actually do something about it. Of course, by then there's a good chance that I will have been kidnapped and mindwiped. By the Graduate-program mind-reading CIA ninjas.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Don't get mad...unless it immediately involves getting libs.
If you know me or just read some of my blogs, you probably know that I have a fascination with language. Words, sentence structure, pronunciation- I wouldn't quite put it at a 'fetish' state- but it's gotta be pretty close.
I don't really remember when it started or how it began (another trivia tidbit about me- I have a horrible memory about certain things), but I would be very willing to be that Mad Libs played a pretty important role.
Mad Libs is a word game in which a story of some sort is given to you with some key words left out. It can be played by an individual, although it is infinitely more fun in larger groups. Your job is to fill in the missing words according to which part of speech it is (noun, adjective, adverb, etc.). On the surface, this might seem to be like a waste of time.
Where the hours of wacky fun come into play, however, is that this is a blind exercise- that is, the people that are offering you the different words have no idea what the context of the story is. It could literally be anything- from a movie quiz to a letter to a jilted lover, to a famous presidential address- you just don't know until the reader plugs your words in and reads it to the group.
At a rate of about one in a million, someone will suggest a word that actually fits in the context of the story. Sometimes there are things that just don't fit well, and tend to kill a little bit of the moment. Often times there is ridiculous silliness that invokes laughter- and other times, you dig up comedy gold. "I wouldn't trade that for all the saliva in China"- there is an infinite amount of crazy good times in each booklet of Mad Libs!
Each person has their own style and way of having fun. A couple of tricks that I have up my sleeve:
-Bodily functions, parts, and fluids- Hey, we're all adults here. So we can speak freely and honestly. And the truth is, gas is funny. Oh sure, we tell little kids that it's not- but that's just because we want to control them. But farting, burping, stomach gurgling, bile, pee, snot, penis- they all are pretty much guaranteed laugh getters in Mad Libs.
-Chuck Norris serves very well as a Famous Person, Celebrity, Male Celebrity, Politician, Athlete, and Person in Room. Just saying.
-I am a huge fan of the Word Stack. Usually I add an adjective with a noun, but there are many combos (adjective-adjective, noun noun, adverb noun, etc.). For example, 'Abe Lincoln' becomes 'Fabulous Abe Lincoln'. 'Death' is now 'Death via Roundhouse Kick'. Those sorts of things.
-Finally, I enjoy messing with the parts of speech. Don't tell me that 'fart' is not an adjective- because that is my choice for adjective. You plug it in there- just trust me. Using proper nouns (names or places) as regular nouns, people as places, nouns as adjectives- the list goes on. One time, while playing Mad Libs at a family camping trip, we made 'awesome' into a verb, and then spent the rest of the time awesoming.
I don't get paid by Mad Libs- so you can wholly trust me when I say that your life is not complete unless you have a contingent of Mad Libs at your disposal. Mad Libs will solve all your problems. It will end global warming, the economic crisis, and war as we know it. Are you looking for a significant other? Get some Mad Libs. Unemployed? Mad Libs. Stuck on the john and out of toilet paper? Mad Libs.
Simply put- Mad Libs: Get Some.
I don't really remember when it started or how it began (another trivia tidbit about me- I have a horrible memory about certain things), but I would be very willing to be that Mad Libs played a pretty important role.
Mad Libs is a word game in which a story of some sort is given to you with some key words left out. It can be played by an individual, although it is infinitely more fun in larger groups. Your job is to fill in the missing words according to which part of speech it is (noun, adjective, adverb, etc.). On the surface, this might seem to be like a waste of time.
Where the hours of wacky fun come into play, however, is that this is a blind exercise- that is, the people that are offering you the different words have no idea what the context of the story is. It could literally be anything- from a movie quiz to a letter to a jilted lover, to a famous presidential address- you just don't know until the reader plugs your words in and reads it to the group.
At a rate of about one in a million, someone will suggest a word that actually fits in the context of the story. Sometimes there are things that just don't fit well, and tend to kill a little bit of the moment. Often times there is ridiculous silliness that invokes laughter- and other times, you dig up comedy gold. "I wouldn't trade that for all the saliva in China"- there is an infinite amount of crazy good times in each booklet of Mad Libs!
Each person has their own style and way of having fun. A couple of tricks that I have up my sleeve:
-Bodily functions, parts, and fluids- Hey, we're all adults here. So we can speak freely and honestly. And the truth is, gas is funny. Oh sure, we tell little kids that it's not- but that's just because we want to control them. But farting, burping, stomach gurgling, bile, pee, snot, penis- they all are pretty much guaranteed laugh getters in Mad Libs.
-Chuck Norris serves very well as a Famous Person, Celebrity, Male Celebrity, Politician, Athlete, and Person in Room. Just saying.
-I am a huge fan of the Word Stack. Usually I add an adjective with a noun, but there are many combos (adjective-adjective, noun noun, adverb noun, etc.). For example, 'Abe Lincoln' becomes 'Fabulous Abe Lincoln'. 'Death' is now 'Death via Roundhouse Kick'. Those sorts of things.
-Finally, I enjoy messing with the parts of speech. Don't tell me that 'fart' is not an adjective- because that is my choice for adjective. You plug it in there- just trust me. Using proper nouns (names or places) as regular nouns, people as places, nouns as adjectives- the list goes on. One time, while playing Mad Libs at a family camping trip, we made 'awesome' into a verb, and then spent the rest of the time awesoming.
I don't get paid by Mad Libs- so you can wholly trust me when I say that your life is not complete unless you have a contingent of Mad Libs at your disposal. Mad Libs will solve all your problems. It will end global warming, the economic crisis, and war as we know it. Are you looking for a significant other? Get some Mad Libs. Unemployed? Mad Libs. Stuck on the john and out of toilet paper? Mad Libs.
Simply put- Mad Libs: Get Some.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Ding dong the witch is...about to be bought out for $2.5 mil?
Does anyone else feel that Rich Rodriguez (U-M football coach) is gone? I know, I know- I'm really going out on a limb here. But seriously- in an era where a vote of confidence for a coach that's on the hot seat is usually a veil to hide the intention to fire, silence is like a big "I'm getting fired" millstone on a coaches neck. The fact that Jim Harbaugh hasn't yet made a decision about any coaching jobs (including returning to Stanford, who reportedly has offered to pony up the dough for him) is not a good sign for Mr. Rod.
The fact that I eschewed the new hotness of hyperlinking to bring back the in-post picture is probably also a bad sign for Rodriguez.
When Rich Rod was hired on at U-M, I was moderately excited. I don't know if 'excited' is the right verb, but I do remember thinking it was a good change. Michigan had been mired in mediocrity ever since the 1997 National Championship team. 3 losses here, 4 losses there- and even a 5 loss year. Getting badly outplayed against Ohio State and in Bowl Games against the other powers- USC, Texas, and Nebraska.
I was excited (maybe intrigued is a better word, but it's too late to go back now) for Rich Rod because I felt that a change was exactly what the doctor ordered. Even though we were only about 10 years removed from that National Championship, it was probably closer to 20 years removed from serious national relevance. Change for the sake of change isn't good- but it was obvious that the Wolverines needed some sort of shift. Richie Rich, in my mind, was representative of possibilities. The possibility of becoming a major player on the national scene again, and not the butt of so many jokes- the ideas were mesmerizing.
I knew that there would be a painful transition period, so the 3-9 debacle of 2008 wasn't a complete surprise. I mean, you're completely overhauling a program and trying to plug square pegs into round holes. That's not going to be easy, and if Michigan fans are anything, they are spoiled by a long and enduring record of not losing a lot.
But then 2009 happened...rumors from players that practice time limits were being violated. An NCAA investigation into those allegations (a BIG no-no for Maize and Blue supporters), and a second losing record. Now, a generation of Wolverine fans who had only known an upright program that always had winning records and went to bowl games were now experiencing an NCAA probe and back-to-back losing seasons. All under Rich Rod's guidance. It doesn't take a genius to see that this is a recipe for the hot seat.
This was the atmosphere surrounding the Michigan program heading into the 2010 season, and to say there was some negativity around the program would be like saying there were some people that didn't think W was a good President.
Like our former Commander-in-Chief, not all was bad in the big house this season- bowl eligibility was earned, they beat Notre Dame (which is always a good thing), they were able to capture lightning in a bottle (Denard Robinson) and of course we beat Ohio State. Actually, we didn't beat Ohio State. Ohio State actually throttled us 37-7. Ouch.
It was, of course, that loss to the hated Buckeyes which probably was the straw that not only broke the proverbial camels' back, but set it on fire and dropped a safe on it. It wasn't just the fact that the Buckeyes were victorious- it was the manner in which they were. Unlike the mid 1990's, when Michigan would seemingly lose 4 games every year and yet still beat the #1 or #2 ranked Buckeyes, there was no way in Sheol that this years team was even going to come close to victory. Defensively- a sieve that was broken upon the rocks of the Wisconsin running game a week earlier and proved to be unable to slow the Buckeyes down. Offensively- a smoke and mirrors outfit that proved to be too fast for lesser foes- and too mistake prone and soft versus real opposition.
Many fans railed for Rich Rod to be fired after the Ohio State game, but Michigan AD Dave Brandon chose instead to wait until after the bowl game to make any sort of decision. In many ways, I applaud this. Too often, decisions seem to be made too quickly, or based on the whims of a fan base. Of course- it's tough to say what sort of affect that this cloud of impending doom had on the Michigan program and its preparation for their New Years bowl game against Mississippi State.
Unfortunately for Rodriguez, it seemed to have a significant impact on game "preparation". At least, that's how the finished product came across. A 52-14 loss to Mississippi State (that wasn't even that close, honestly) was absolutely not the right kind of message to send to your AD if you're hoping to keep your job. I'll admit it was quite distracting to watch the game and keep hearing Mike Patrick and Craig James keep speculating about his job- but honestly, there wasn't much of a game for them to talk about. The whole show was humiliating- and I'm not even much of a Michigan fan anymore.
In regards to Rich Rod's status, Brandon said on Saturday that he's not going to make a decision until later in the week. I think he is good as gone- even with some visible progress, the atmosphere is too toxic for him to continue on at this point. Many people I know want to see former Michigan QB and current Stanford head man Jim Harbaugh get the job. That would be pretty cool- I really liked Harbaugh the QB, and I admire what he has done with building a very good program at one of the more prestigious academic universities (AKA one of those football schools that actually makes their players go to class).
To Rodriguez- I wish you nothing but the best in your next endeavor. You gave it your best, and it just didn't work out. To Michigan- I hope your next coach can restore the program to its former glory- or at least to get back to 8-4 years and victories over the Buckeyes.
PIC: http://www.meonews.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/rich-rodriguez-fired.jpg
The fact that I eschewed the new hotness of hyperlinking to bring back the in-post picture is probably also a bad sign for Rodriguez.
When Rich Rod was hired on at U-M, I was moderately excited. I don't know if 'excited' is the right verb, but I do remember thinking it was a good change. Michigan had been mired in mediocrity ever since the 1997 National Championship team. 3 losses here, 4 losses there- and even a 5 loss year. Getting badly outplayed against Ohio State and in Bowl Games against the other powers- USC, Texas, and Nebraska.
I was excited (maybe intrigued is a better word, but it's too late to go back now) for Rich Rod because I felt that a change was exactly what the doctor ordered. Even though we were only about 10 years removed from that National Championship, it was probably closer to 20 years removed from serious national relevance. Change for the sake of change isn't good- but it was obvious that the Wolverines needed some sort of shift. Richie Rich, in my mind, was representative of possibilities. The possibility of becoming a major player on the national scene again, and not the butt of so many jokes- the ideas were mesmerizing.
I knew that there would be a painful transition period, so the 3-9 debacle of 2008 wasn't a complete surprise. I mean, you're completely overhauling a program and trying to plug square pegs into round holes. That's not going to be easy, and if Michigan fans are anything, they are spoiled by a long and enduring record of not losing a lot.
But then 2009 happened...rumors from players that practice time limits were being violated. An NCAA investigation into those allegations (a BIG no-no for Maize and Blue supporters), and a second losing record. Now, a generation of Wolverine fans who had only known an upright program that always had winning records and went to bowl games were now experiencing an NCAA probe and back-to-back losing seasons. All under Rich Rod's guidance. It doesn't take a genius to see that this is a recipe for the hot seat.
This was the atmosphere surrounding the Michigan program heading into the 2010 season, and to say there was some negativity around the program would be like saying there were some people that didn't think W was a good President.
Like our former Commander-in-Chief, not all was bad in the big house this season- bowl eligibility was earned, they beat Notre Dame (which is always a good thing), they were able to capture lightning in a bottle (Denard Robinson) and of course we beat Ohio State. Actually, we didn't beat Ohio State. Ohio State actually throttled us 37-7. Ouch.
It was, of course, that loss to the hated Buckeyes which probably was the straw that not only broke the proverbial camels' back, but set it on fire and dropped a safe on it. It wasn't just the fact that the Buckeyes were victorious- it was the manner in which they were. Unlike the mid 1990's, when Michigan would seemingly lose 4 games every year and yet still beat the #1 or #2 ranked Buckeyes, there was no way in Sheol that this years team was even going to come close to victory. Defensively- a sieve that was broken upon the rocks of the Wisconsin running game a week earlier and proved to be unable to slow the Buckeyes down. Offensively- a smoke and mirrors outfit that proved to be too fast for lesser foes- and too mistake prone and soft versus real opposition.
Many fans railed for Rich Rod to be fired after the Ohio State game, but Michigan AD Dave Brandon chose instead to wait until after the bowl game to make any sort of decision. In many ways, I applaud this. Too often, decisions seem to be made too quickly, or based on the whims of a fan base. Of course- it's tough to say what sort of affect that this cloud of impending doom had on the Michigan program and its preparation for their New Years bowl game against Mississippi State.
Unfortunately for Rodriguez, it seemed to have a significant impact on game "preparation". At least, that's how the finished product came across. A 52-14 loss to Mississippi State (that wasn't even that close, honestly) was absolutely not the right kind of message to send to your AD if you're hoping to keep your job. I'll admit it was quite distracting to watch the game and keep hearing Mike Patrick and Craig James keep speculating about his job- but honestly, there wasn't much of a game for them to talk about. The whole show was humiliating- and I'm not even much of a Michigan fan anymore.
In regards to Rich Rod's status, Brandon said on Saturday that he's not going to make a decision until later in the week. I think he is good as gone- even with some visible progress, the atmosphere is too toxic for him to continue on at this point. Many people I know want to see former Michigan QB and current Stanford head man Jim Harbaugh get the job. That would be pretty cool- I really liked Harbaugh the QB, and I admire what he has done with building a very good program at one of the more prestigious academic universities (AKA one of those football schools that actually makes their players go to class).
To Rodriguez- I wish you nothing but the best in your next endeavor. You gave it your best, and it just didn't work out. To Michigan- I hope your next coach can restore the program to its former glory- or at least to get back to 8-4 years and victories over the Buckeyes.
PIC: http://www.meonews.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/rich-rodriguez-fired.jpg
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