Over the summer I wrote several times (maybe not here but certainly on Facebook) about my frustrations and failings in life- specifically in the arena of employment Really, though, it was all-around a difficult summer. A difficult summer coming directly off the heels of a previous difficult summer, fraught with opportunity after opportunity falling through and... well, to say there wasn't a lot of hope would be like saying the Tigers kind of swept the Yankees to advance to the World Series (possibly a shameless ploy to justify labels to increase blog traffic).
So I feel like now, after a whirlwind month that has witnessed some changes and what I feel are significant steps forward, I owe it to those who stood beside me and held me up, hoped for me, prayed for me, encouraged me, and believed in me- I owe it to them to write about the good stuff, too.
One month and one day ago, I was sitting home sick and watching some television when I got a call to come in for an interview. One thing led to another, and one month and one day later I have a honest-to-goodness job in social work. Score! Oh yeah, and also after spending five months of living under someone elses roof, Sara and I signed a year lease for a mobile home (with 3 bedrooms to boot!). For the first time in years, life doesn't feel like a piece of Saran wrap stretched tight over my face.
It's been quite a journey over the past couple of years. Right after graduation, I took a job (ironically enough, at the same place that I work now although the experience is already 100% completely different) that drove me into the most pervasive and destructive pit of emotional despair that I have ever been in. I spent about three months hating life and feeling like I could never be whole again.
It's taken a few years, but things are heading in the right direction. I'm enjoying my job so far. It's been challenging- but it's a good challenging, the type of challenge that brings growth and development. As opposed to the challenging of the last few years, which was more about the challenge of trying to survive.
I'm not naive enough to think that my entry level social work position and trailer park living signify any sort of "arrival". But after a couple years of questioning whether I could fulfill the promise that my education seemed to tease and wondering if we'd spend forever cashing in bottles to prevent bounced checks and using loose change to buy a Hot-N-Ready for dinner, we've found stability. A little stability. But it's stability, and for us, a little stability feels like heaven.
Even if that heaven exists in a trailer park.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
No way Jose
Disclaimer- I'm a social worker, so I believe that each and every human being has inherent value. Also, in America I believe that everybody has the right to pursue whatever type of career they so choose and it isn't my place to tell someone what they should or shouldn't be doing.
But Jose Valverde can no longer be the closer for the Detroit Tigers.
I don't know if Valverde is a sleeper agent for the Yankees or what (and looking at his stats against the Bronx Bombers, I'd believe it), but he has certainly been awful for most of 2012. Yet the Tigers keep trotting him out game after game after game, to a chorus of groans and soul-crushing sadness.
Why?
Look, I love Jim Leyland as much as anyone. In this era of hyper-awareness and health consciousness, I think it's great that we have the Marlboro Man managing our $119 million baseball team. But I also think that Jim might be too close to the situation to realize what Tiger fans realized pretty early on- Jose Valverde is not a good closer.
I'm not even sure if he's a good pitcher at this point- maybe he could be, if he could pitch in low pressure, non-save situ....(thinks back to every time Valverde pitched in a non-save situation) ah forget it. Valverde is an awful pitcher.
Too bad that we have him signed to a long term deal and we have to being repair...wait a minute, what's that you say? Valverde is a free agent and even though he's making $9 million this year to sabotage our playoff chances, we are not under contractual obligation to him next year?
This is amazing!!!
Do you realize what this means??? Jose doesn't have to play. This isn't little league, Jim. Cut him, waive him, revoke his scholarship- whatever you have to do, just keep him off the field. Sure, it might throw off his mojo or whatever, but he's a free agent. Why should we care about his possibly shattered confidence? Lord willing he'll be doing this for someone else next year. I say sit him on the bench and pitch the guys who can, you know, get the other team out. Shoot, I'd rather have pre-hipster-glasses Rick Vaughn or Whitt Bass at this point.
To Leyland's credit, he seemed to indicate that there is at least a chance that Valverde won't be closing the rest of the playoffs (and if divine justice is a 'thing', never ever again while donning the olde English D). I certainly wouldn't let him. At this point, I wouldn't even trust Valverde ordering for me at McDonalds during lunch hour.
I'm sure Jose Valverde is an interesting human being who could be a lot of fun to be around. As a closer though, he has less worth than the box that Hiro-San is bringing down the aisle. It's one thing to give up a bunch of 9th inning runs in Yankee stadium in April. It's quite another to do it in game 1 of the ALCS.
Mike Ilitch is paying 21,686,545 Hot and Ready pizzas to bring a World Series back to Detroit and right now, the biggest thing standing between that us and that title is Jose Rafael Valverde. Jim Leyland, please, for the love of all things good, do the right thing- Bench Valverde. Drop Valverde from the postseason roster. Forget that Valverde exists. Profit.
But Jose Valverde can no longer be the closer for the Detroit Tigers.
I don't know if Valverde is a sleeper agent for the Yankees or what (and looking at his stats against the Bronx Bombers, I'd believe it), but he has certainly been awful for most of 2012. Yet the Tigers keep trotting him out game after game after game, to a chorus of groans and soul-crushing sadness.
Why?
Look, I love Jim Leyland as much as anyone. In this era of hyper-awareness and health consciousness, I think it's great that we have the Marlboro Man managing our $119 million baseball team. But I also think that Jim might be too close to the situation to realize what Tiger fans realized pretty early on- Jose Valverde is not a good closer.
I'm not even sure if he's a good pitcher at this point- maybe he could be, if he could pitch in low pressure, non-save situ....(thinks back to every time Valverde pitched in a non-save situation) ah forget it. Valverde is an awful pitcher.
Too bad that we have him signed to a long term deal and we have to being repair...wait a minute, what's that you say? Valverde is a free agent and even though he's making $9 million this year to sabotage our playoff chances, we are not under contractual obligation to him next year?
This is amazing!!!
Do you realize what this means??? Jose doesn't have to play. This isn't little league, Jim. Cut him, waive him, revoke his scholarship- whatever you have to do, just keep him off the field. Sure, it might throw off his mojo or whatever, but he's a free agent. Why should we care about his possibly shattered confidence? Lord willing he'll be doing this for someone else next year. I say sit him on the bench and pitch the guys who can, you know, get the other team out. Shoot, I'd rather have pre-hipster-glasses Rick Vaughn or Whitt Bass at this point.
I'm sure Jose Valverde is an interesting human being who could be a lot of fun to be around. As a closer though, he has less worth than the box that Hiro-San is bringing down the aisle. It's one thing to give up a bunch of 9th inning runs in Yankee stadium in April. It's quite another to do it in game 1 of the ALCS.
Mike Ilitch is paying 21,686,545 Hot and Ready pizzas to bring a World Series back to Detroit and right now, the biggest thing standing between that us and that title is Jose Rafael Valverde. Jim Leyland, please, for the love of all things good, do the right thing- Bench Valverde. Drop Valverde from the postseason roster. Forget that Valverde exists. Profit.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
The Good Samaritan TM
Let's just come right out and say it- I'm cynical. Sure, I have moments of hope and moments of naivety, but there is also a part of me that simply refuses to believe the best in people or situations.
This morning, I was watching the Today Show (I'm actually a little bit embarrassed about this...perhaps even more so than the time where I admitted I watched Gossip Girl) and Matt Lauer and generic female co-host started talking about all the negative news and how sometimes we're in need of a reminder that there are some good people on the Earth. Of course, these people spent the summer hosting concerts by Justin Beiber and his ilk, so maybe they aren't the best judges of how desperate the human condition really is. But whatever- we'll humor them. Humanity is screwed up and hopeless and is anyone good and blah blah blah.
Enter Leo Guarente (complete with video camera).
I won't get into the story too much- you can read about it here or here. Suffice it to say that he found about $114,000 in savings bonds in a hope chest that some lady threw out and rather than keep them (which he was in his legal right to do), he returned them to her.
How special. What a good Samaritan. Humanity=inherently awesome.
Of course, they sort of glossed over the fact that this Leo guy is angling for his own reality show in the same vein as 'American Pickers' (people that make lots of money picking through trash) and has apparently been hauling around a camera and filming his crew in action in order to piece together a pilot called 'Trash to Cash'. Or something. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see where I might be going with this.
I mean, I don't want to completely discount what he did. I know for myself, if I found $114,000 that I had legal claim to, there's not very many things on Earth that could convince me to not cash it right the heck in. Unless someone offered me $115,000 for it. So kudos.
But why film it? Why have the cameras there? I mean, isn't the inherent goodness (or evilness) of humanity most accurately measured by what we do/don't do when no one is watching? Anyone can be good when there's something in it for them.
Look, this guy did a great thing- with the cameras rolling. I don't want to put words into his mouth/brain...but come on. This dude is obviously a businessman. He owns a junk depot. He is trying to get reality show started. Smart man. So it's not out of the question that he would look at opportunity cost of this $114,000. And in my opinion, he made the right career move by giving back the money. He has tons of publicity because of this. An appearance on the Today Show. Tons of Internet buzz. Wouldn't be surprised if his show gets a look because of this. That's got to be worth at least $114,000, right? If not more, I'm thinking. So he gets to look like a hero while he's laughing all the way to the bank.
Humanity=doomed.
Mr. Guarente (if that is your real name wink wink) did a good deed. I'm not denying that fact. I'm just not willing to make him the poster child for philanthropy.
This morning, I was watching the Today Show (I'm actually a little bit embarrassed about this...perhaps even more so than the time where I admitted I watched Gossip Girl) and Matt Lauer and generic female co-host started talking about all the negative news and how sometimes we're in need of a reminder that there are some good people on the Earth. Of course, these people spent the summer hosting concerts by Justin Beiber and his ilk, so maybe they aren't the best judges of how desperate the human condition really is. But whatever- we'll humor them. Humanity is screwed up and hopeless and is anyone good and blah blah blah.
Enter Leo Guarente (complete with video camera).
I won't get into the story too much- you can read about it here or here. Suffice it to say that he found about $114,000 in savings bonds in a hope chest that some lady threw out and rather than keep them (which he was in his legal right to do), he returned them to her.
How special. What a good Samaritan. Humanity=inherently awesome.
Of course, they sort of glossed over the fact that this Leo guy is angling for his own reality show in the same vein as 'American Pickers' (people that make lots of money picking through trash) and has apparently been hauling around a camera and filming his crew in action in order to piece together a pilot called 'Trash to Cash'. Or something. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see where I might be going with this.
I mean, I don't want to completely discount what he did. I know for myself, if I found $114,000 that I had legal claim to, there's not very many things on Earth that could convince me to not cash it right the heck in. Unless someone offered me $115,000 for it. So kudos.
But why film it? Why have the cameras there? I mean, isn't the inherent goodness (or evilness) of humanity most accurately measured by what we do/don't do when no one is watching? Anyone can be good when there's something in it for them.
Look, this guy did a great thing- with the cameras rolling. I don't want to put words into his mouth/brain...but come on. This dude is obviously a businessman. He owns a junk depot. He is trying to get reality show started. Smart man. So it's not out of the question that he would look at opportunity cost of this $114,000. And in my opinion, he made the right career move by giving back the money. He has tons of publicity because of this. An appearance on the Today Show. Tons of Internet buzz. Wouldn't be surprised if his show gets a look because of this. That's got to be worth at least $114,000, right? If not more, I'm thinking. So he gets to look like a hero while he's laughing all the way to the bank.
Humanity=doomed.
Mr. Guarente (if that is your real name wink wink) did a good deed. I'm not denying that fact. I'm just not willing to make him the poster child for philanthropy.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Being a parent is hard
No sugar-coating here, I'm just going to come out and say it: parenting is hard. Freaking hard.
This is nothing new, in my life or yours. It's something that all of us parents have experienced- those moments when only the deep, deep love we have for our children gets us through (and sometimes even with that it's only barely). Tonight is one of those nights.
Brief (hopefully) backstory- we've been living out in Skandia with my in-laws since May. Truly, we're beyond thankful for their generosity and compassion, because without it I don't even want to think about what life would be like. They've certainly helped us find some stability in the midst of another one of our transitions.
But we also underestimated the strain of living roughly 500% farther from town than we were before. Adding about an hour of travel time onto each day on top of an extra 30-45 minutes of "get around" time in the mornings, and now having two children in elementary school to pack lunches for and check back-packs and....I know, I know. A lot of these are first world problems, and in the grand scheme I don't have anything to complain about yadayadaya.
That doesn't mean life isn't hard though. Tonight, life was hard.
More backstory- Sara was able to get a part-time job before the school year at the local WNMU station. Obviously a blessing, not going to dog it. It did, however, take away some of our flexibility, especially in the mornings (Sara has to be to work 30 minutes before I do) and on Monday nights, when she has her vocal ensemble (it's like, 1 credit, she needs it for the music program) and can't come home in between because we live in Skandia. If having an outstanding family support network is reason #1 we've been able to make it, flexibility is #1a. Another adjustment, another stressor.
So I've pretty much been running the show on Mondays- working a full day, coming home, getting the kids dinner, making sure their lunches get packed and get showered and dishes get done...basically I don't get much time to sit down and chill (obviously I have enough time to do this blog but I'm pretty much writing this on adrenaline so it's not really "chilling"). Again, I don't mean to complain- for some people this is the norm. It's just been a difficult adjustment for us- me especially, in this particular instance.
All of these things added together make Mondays very stressful and hectic on the best of days. Today was not the best of days.
Without getting into specifics, I'm just going to say that Delaney flipped out at Shane and I (for reasons still unknown), Shane had two pee accidents, including one right before bedtime, and...well, it's nights like tonight where I go into the living room, throw myself on the couch, and start sobbing because I just don't know if I'm going to be able to do it.
I don't have a tidy conclusion. Just the knowledge that I'll pick up the pieces, and do it all over again tomorrow. Thanks for reading, and I hope that you find whatever you need to make it through your hard times.
This is nothing new, in my life or yours. It's something that all of us parents have experienced- those moments when only the deep, deep love we have for our children gets us through (and sometimes even with that it's only barely). Tonight is one of those nights.
Brief (hopefully) backstory- we've been living out in Skandia with my in-laws since May. Truly, we're beyond thankful for their generosity and compassion, because without it I don't even want to think about what life would be like. They've certainly helped us find some stability in the midst of another one of our transitions.
But we also underestimated the strain of living roughly 500% farther from town than we were before. Adding about an hour of travel time onto each day on top of an extra 30-45 minutes of "get around" time in the mornings, and now having two children in elementary school to pack lunches for and check back-packs and....I know, I know. A lot of these are first world problems, and in the grand scheme I don't have anything to complain about yadayadaya.
That doesn't mean life isn't hard though. Tonight, life was hard.
More backstory- Sara was able to get a part-time job before the school year at the local WNMU station. Obviously a blessing, not going to dog it. It did, however, take away some of our flexibility, especially in the mornings (Sara has to be to work 30 minutes before I do) and on Monday nights, when she has her vocal ensemble (it's like, 1 credit, she needs it for the music program) and can't come home in between because we live in Skandia. If having an outstanding family support network is reason #1 we've been able to make it, flexibility is #1a. Another adjustment, another stressor.
So I've pretty much been running the show on Mondays- working a full day, coming home, getting the kids dinner, making sure their lunches get packed and get showered and dishes get done...basically I don't get much time to sit down and chill (obviously I have enough time to do this blog but I'm pretty much writing this on adrenaline so it's not really "chilling"). Again, I don't mean to complain- for some people this is the norm. It's just been a difficult adjustment for us- me especially, in this particular instance.
All of these things added together make Mondays very stressful and hectic on the best of days. Today was not the best of days.
Without getting into specifics, I'm just going to say that Delaney flipped out at Shane and I (for reasons still unknown), Shane had two pee accidents, including one right before bedtime, and...well, it's nights like tonight where I go into the living room, throw myself on the couch, and start sobbing because I just don't know if I'm going to be able to do it.
I don't have a tidy conclusion. Just the knowledge that I'll pick up the pieces, and do it all over again tomorrow. Thanks for reading, and I hope that you find whatever you need to make it through your hard times.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
If you're upset about character selection and you know it then your blog will surely show it and you'll make a post like this
Next Wednesday, thanks to magical forces beyond our understanding, WizKids is going to be releasing their (hopefully not-last) set of Assassin's Creed Heroclix- ON TIME. For a company that has made release-date push-backs a part of their repertoire for the past three years, this is no small feat. The reason we know it will not be late is thanks to the also-as-frequent-but-not-quite-as-magical shipping screw up that landed the set about a week early into the hands of some eager-to-spoil Heroclix players.
In case you're interested in such things, you can go and check out the spoiled dials here. Just be sure to tell them that brojase sent you. I carry a lot of weight in that community, I'm somewhat of a big deal. Actually, that's not true. I think that most of my posts get ignored by...well, everybody.
I'm not going to go through each individual dial and analyze it- that would take forever, and I'm pretty sure that most of you have lost interest just in these couple of paragraphs surprisingly not a record for my blog. I'm basically just going to go on a rant about a couple of egregious oversights- because while I'm still excited to get this set and see it on the battlefield, WizKids still made some pretty big bonehead mistakes that need to be poked fun at.
1) Character selection matters:
Since you're supposed to start off with a positive when you're giving feedback, I will say this about the characters that WizKids put into AC clix- at least there was no obvious money-grubbing "alternate" costumes that you usually see on toys and action figures, a la 'Casual Friday' Batman or 'Post-Labor Day White Pants-wearing Batman' or 'Thor in Donald Blake shirt'.
That said, they really effed up the character selection. Let's break down who they put into the two sets (Brotherhood and Revelations each got a six figure mini-set):
Brotherhood
Because this are some pretty blatant omissions here.
Let's just get the guards out of the way here. I'm not a businessman, so I can't know for sure- but I would think that when you have a set of twelve characters that you are releasing with a flat rarity in displays of 24 (so far all accounts indicate that each display contains two full sets), there will quickly come a point of diminishing return on a consumer's investment and it will be very easy to complete the set and thus no reason to continue to buy blind boosters in the store (thus potentially costing you money).
But if you fill up some of those slots with 'generic' characters- characters that are desirable to have in multiples- well, doesn't that increase the amount of purchases? It would have to, right? People are more likely to blindly buy something when there is an increased opportunity that the blind purchase will pay off above and beyond what they paid into it. That's not really happening with the set list as it is now. But with a few guards or generic assassins? Seems much more likely.
But enough about the red shirts- let's talk about some of the big name characters that they missed out on. Even non-Assassin's Creed fans will recognize some of these names:
I get it that not everyone who plays Heroclix is a fan of Assassin's Creed, so this was already a niche property within a niche property. But in my opinion (and many others if you are to believe what people write on the Internet), having a da Vinci figure would have completely changed people's buying habits. Because all of a sudden, you aren't just buying Heroclix from a video game that you may not have ever played (or cared about)- you're buying the chance to have freaking Leonardo da Vinci on your team! LEONARDO DA VINCI!!!
That's why I think WizKids making clix based on the super hero movies is such a great idea. I care nothing about Lucius Fox as a Heroclix figure. But you bet your sweet bippy I'm nerding out for Morgan Freeman to do battle with the forces of darkness. And I don't need plain-clothes Tony Stark running around on the map. But Robert Downey Jr.? Heck yes I'll drink to that! Now factor in hundreds of hours playing these Assassin's Creed games and multiply it by- again- Leofreakingnardo da Vinci, and you have quite possibly the most anticipated civilian Heroclix figure of all time.
Except, no. Somebody somewhere thought that it'd be better to have Octavi-whatever de Valwhogivesacrap in the set that now fewer people are going to buy.
As for Altaïr...he may not be an actual historical figure, but to those of us who have played this series since its' genesis he will always be the one that took our Leap of Faith virginity. And that's a special, special moment in a nerd's life. The frustrating thing here is that it's not like it'd be a stretch to include him- he's on the freaking cover of Assassin's Creed: Revelations!
2) You sunk my flagship.
While there is no direct correlation between sets themed around one figure (think Hammer of Thor, Web of Spider-man, Hulk, Superman, etc.), the kick-assness of that figures dial, and how well those sets sell- the popular perspective is that in those character-themed sets, the main character should kick ass. It's their set, after all.
Assassin's Creed clix gave us two versions of the main character; unfortunately, neither one of them seems to truly capture what makes Ezio great.
I've already written at length about the Brotherhood version of Ezio. At that time, any initial disappointments were tempered by the fact that there was still one more, unknown Ezio dial lurking out there. One more chance for them to recreate Renaissance-era Batman at the height of his powers, wisdom, and influence- but this time with bombs and a hookblade! I bit my tongue, swallowed my disappointment, and waited anxiously for Ezio: Part II.
This is what they gave me.
First of all (again, really trying to be kind of positive here), I'm glad that the grenade mechanic is making a return in this set. It's a wonderful way to replicate the bombs from Revelations, and it's just an all-around cool tool to have in the Heroclix tool box. Of course, WizKids screwed it up and gave him only 1 grenade to use- the smoke grenade. Smoke grenade??? That's like going to an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet and just eating salad. I know we're not talking about smoke grenades.
Plus he's already got the power to make smoke. He's got that power in spades. It's called 'Smoke Cloud' and while it's largely a useless power, at least Ezio has it on every click. Every. Single. Click.
Ugh.
They couldn't have given him a click or two of energy explosion (caltrop or datura bomb), pulse wave (splinter bomb), quake (wielding a pike), incapacitate (throwing knives), penetrating/psychic blast (pistol/crossbow), or poison (poison blade)? Apparently Ezio, after years of fighting against the Templars, somehow thought it would be okay to sub out all of his awesome weapons and just load up on mini-fog machines. Oh well, at least he can lay down a smoke cloud on turn one and then push to attack next turn without fear of pushing damage because he has indomitable.
Wait a second- he doesn't have indomitable?
OH MY GOSH!!! How can Ezio not have indomitable? It's an essential component of the character. Geez, Prince Ahmet gets it. Even Yusef Tazim gets it. But Ezio doesn't get it? Come on, WizKids.
You could make an argument (that I would laugh at) against Brotherhood Ezio getting it. But in Revelations, he's like 52 years old and still running around on roof-tops and jumping into hay piles. In the beginning of the game he actually gets captured and is just about to get hanged when he turns his execution on his captors and escapes. LIKE A BOSS.
I'll spare you my diatribe on his defensive powers. Suffice it to say that in my humble opinion, the dial designers have never played a game of Assassin's Creed and instead decided to purposefully sink the flagship character of my favorite video game series.
Despite my frustrations I'm still buying the set, which I realize means that I'm either a hypocrite or an idiot. As consumers, our words mean nothing to these corporations- but our wallets mean everything. It would be a million times more effective for me to voice my displeasure with some of their choices by just abstaining from the product entirely. Unfortunately, that's not how I'm wired. Here, in America, that's not how we're wired. We want everything now, the way we want it, and...well, we'll still buy it even if it's late and not really what we were thinking...but we're going to take to the airwaves and let everybody know that the Powers That Be sure did slap us in the face in their giving us what we don't need and taking our money all the way to the bank.
PIC- Thor- http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5270/5651772371_a1d5a36a79.jpg
Sofia- http://guides.gamepressure.com/assassinscreedrevelations/gfx/word/1751616812.jpg
Ezio- http://www.totalvideogames.com/img/uploaded/www.totalvideogames.com_69738_AC2_S_052.jpg
In case you're interested in such things, you can go and check out the spoiled dials here. Just be sure to tell them that brojase sent you. I carry a lot of weight in that community, I'm somewhat of a big deal. Actually, that's not true. I think that most of my posts get ignored by...well, everybody.
I'm not going to go through each individual dial and analyze it- that would take forever, and I'm pretty sure that most of you have lost interest just in these couple of paragraphs surprisingly not a record for my blog. I'm basically just going to go on a rant about a couple of egregious oversights- because while I'm still excited to get this set and see it on the battlefield, WizKids still made some pretty big bonehead mistakes that need to be poked fun at.
1) Character selection matters:
Since you're supposed to start off with a positive when you're giving feedback, I will say this about the characters that WizKids put into AC clix- at least there was no obvious money-grubbing "alternate" costumes that you usually see on toys and action figures, a la 'Casual Friday' Batman or 'Post-Labor Day White Pants-wearing Batman' or 'Thor in Donald Blake shirt'.
 |
| Also known as "Chad Kroeger goes to Asgard" |
Brotherhood
- Ezio- Obvious.
- Mario Auditore- Died in the beginning, but a critical player from ACII. Passable.
- La Volpe- Love him here.
- Bartolomeo d'Alviano- Ditto.
- Cesere Borgia- The villain of the story. Had to be here.
- Octavian de Valois- Had to wikipedia him just to see who the heck he was. Questionable inclusion.
- Ezio- Again, it's the Ezio show.
- Prince Ahmet- I guess he's the villain of the story...
- Yusef Tazim- Other than the hot young chick, this is Ezio's only friend in Constantinople.
- The Guardian- Who
- The Bombardier- Is
- The Vanguard- This???
 |
| Ezio, my eyes are up here... |
Because this are some pretty blatant omissions here.
Let's just get the guards out of the way here. I'm not a businessman, so I can't know for sure- but I would think that when you have a set of twelve characters that you are releasing with a flat rarity in displays of 24 (so far all accounts indicate that each display contains two full sets), there will quickly come a point of diminishing return on a consumer's investment and it will be very easy to complete the set and thus no reason to continue to buy blind boosters in the store (thus potentially costing you money).
But if you fill up some of those slots with 'generic' characters- characters that are desirable to have in multiples- well, doesn't that increase the amount of purchases? It would have to, right? People are more likely to blindly buy something when there is an increased opportunity that the blind purchase will pay off above and beyond what they paid into it. That's not really happening with the set list as it is now. But with a few guards or generic assassins? Seems much more likely.
But enough about the red shirts- let's talk about some of the big name characters that they missed out on. Even non-Assassin's Creed fans will recognize some of these names:
- Leonardo da Vinci
- Niccolò Machiavelli
- Rodrigio Borgia
- Claudia
- Subject 16
- Desmond
- Altaïr
- Minerva, Jupiter, Juno (WizKids has shown that they can do power interpretations for one-off characters or very powerful beings like Uatu who don't really demonstrate their powers...so I would have minimum reservation about them interpreting the First Civilization peoples)
- Caterina Sforza (If Mario gets to be in the Brotherhood set, then Caterina would have just as much claim to it even though she's more prevalent in ACII)
- Harlequin (If they're going to do Multiplayer character figures...how can they not make Harlequin?)
I get it that not everyone who plays Heroclix is a fan of Assassin's Creed, so this was already a niche property within a niche property. But in my opinion (and many others if you are to believe what people write on the Internet), having a da Vinci figure would have completely changed people's buying habits. Because all of a sudden, you aren't just buying Heroclix from a video game that you may not have ever played (or cared about)- you're buying the chance to have freaking Leonardo da Vinci on your team! LEONARDO DA VINCI!!!
That's why I think WizKids making clix based on the super hero movies is such a great idea. I care nothing about Lucius Fox as a Heroclix figure. But you bet your sweet bippy I'm nerding out for Morgan Freeman to do battle with the forces of darkness. And I don't need plain-clothes Tony Stark running around on the map. But Robert Downey Jr.? Heck yes I'll drink to that! Now factor in hundreds of hours playing these Assassin's Creed games and multiply it by- again- Leofreakingnardo da Vinci, and you have quite possibly the most anticipated civilian Heroclix figure of all time.
Except, no. Somebody somewhere thought that it'd be better to have Octavi-whatever de Valwhogivesacrap in the set that now fewer people are going to buy.
As for Altaïr...he may not be an actual historical figure, but to those of us who have played this series since its' genesis he will always be the one that took our Leap of Faith virginity. And that's a special, special moment in a nerd's life. The frustrating thing here is that it's not like it'd be a stretch to include him- he's on the freaking cover of Assassin's Creed: Revelations!
 |
| Granted, he's like a shadowy ghost standing behind Ezio |
While there is no direct correlation between sets themed around one figure (think Hammer of Thor, Web of Spider-man, Hulk, Superman, etc.), the kick-assness of that figures dial, and how well those sets sell- the popular perspective is that in those character-themed sets, the main character should kick ass. It's their set, after all.
Assassin's Creed clix gave us two versions of the main character; unfortunately, neither one of them seems to truly capture what makes Ezio great.
 |
| Pictured: What makes Ezio great |
This is what they gave me.
First of all (again, really trying to be kind of positive here), I'm glad that the grenade mechanic is making a return in this set. It's a wonderful way to replicate the bombs from Revelations, and it's just an all-around cool tool to have in the Heroclix tool box. Of course, WizKids screwed it up and gave him only 1 grenade to use- the smoke grenade. Smoke grenade??? That's like going to an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet and just eating salad. I know we're not talking about smoke grenades.
Plus he's already got the power to make smoke. He's got that power in spades. It's called 'Smoke Cloud' and while it's largely a useless power, at least Ezio has it on every click. Every. Single. Click.
Ugh.
They couldn't have given him a click or two of energy explosion (caltrop or datura bomb), pulse wave (splinter bomb), quake (wielding a pike), incapacitate (throwing knives), penetrating/psychic blast (pistol/crossbow), or poison (poison blade)? Apparently Ezio, after years of fighting against the Templars, somehow thought it would be okay to sub out all of his awesome weapons and just load up on mini-fog machines. Oh well, at least he can lay down a smoke cloud on turn one and then push to attack next turn without fear of pushing damage because he has indomitable.
Wait a second- he doesn't have indomitable?
OH MY GOSH!!! How can Ezio not have indomitable? It's an essential component of the character. Geez, Prince Ahmet gets it. Even Yusef Tazim gets it. But Ezio doesn't get it? Come on, WizKids.
You could make an argument (that I would laugh at) against Brotherhood Ezio getting it. But in Revelations, he's like 52 years old and still running around on roof-tops and jumping into hay piles. In the beginning of the game he actually gets captured and is just about to get hanged when he turns his execution on his captors and escapes. LIKE A BOSS.
I'll spare you my diatribe on his defensive powers. Suffice it to say that in my humble opinion, the dial designers have never played a game of Assassin's Creed and instead decided to purposefully sink the flagship character of my favorite video game series.
Despite my frustrations I'm still buying the set, which I realize means that I'm either a hypocrite or an idiot. As consumers, our words mean nothing to these corporations- but our wallets mean everything. It would be a million times more effective for me to voice my displeasure with some of their choices by just abstaining from the product entirely. Unfortunately, that's not how I'm wired. Here, in America, that's not how we're wired. We want everything now, the way we want it, and...well, we'll still buy it even if it's late and not really what we were thinking...but we're going to take to the airwaves and let everybody know that the Powers That Be sure did slap us in the face in their giving us what we don't need and taking our money all the way to the bank.
PIC- Thor- http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5270/5651772371_a1d5a36a79.jpg
Sofia- http://guides.gamepressure.com/assassinscreedrevelations/gfx/word/1751616812.jpg
Ezio- http://www.totalvideogames.com/img/uploaded/www.totalvideogames.com_69738_AC2_S_052.jpg
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
The indecisive can never have everything they ever wanted
While I would never claim to be the Word Guy or some sort of mystical word-wielding warrior poet call me Conan the Verbarian or even Bill Simmons, there aren't many times where I am unable to piece together a timely or appropriate introduction or conclusion. Now they may not be Pulitzer Prize winning components, but they generally flow easily and tie in with the greater thrust of what I'm trying to accomplish in my writing.
Sometimes, those words don't come so easily to me, and I have to dig and dig and dig some more...and usually I'm able to come up with something that might not be structurally beautiful but is at least functional.
And then, once in a great, great while, I simply can't think of what the heck to say and I have to fudge something. Like I am now. So then I have to apologize for the long-winded nothingness- I just couldn't figure out how to start off what I wanted to say (other than just coming right out and saying it...but how boring is that?).
Yesterday, I was formally offered a social work position at a social work agency. Yesterday, I formally accepted said position. Today, I started to process what that change is going to mean in our lives a little bit. Today...I'm just chock full of all sorts of emotions.
I wrote last week about my mixed feelings- and they're still there. Probably will be for awhile. To be clear- I'm very excited about my new position. It pays more. Full-time employment throughout the summer. A professional position in my field- that long anticipated, oft-bemoaned, first foot in the door, a notch in the belt for future stability and security. Stability and security. We aren't there yet, but after seven years of scratching and clawing (and being scratched and clawed) to make a living, I've finally landed a job that should carry me upwards and onwards wherever life may take us.
But this is also one of those moments where you realize when you have some pretty green grass right where you are, and how sometimes, that patch of green grass is maybe everything you ever wanted also, the grass is metaphorical. Real grass is sort of boring. These last nine months were so tremendous. Yeah, there were ups and downs and when you're leaving a job it's probably a lot easier to wax nostalgic about the good times/forget about the bad- but when you're an aide (or a direct care worker or something like that), those bad times can (and often do) serve to forge solid, airtight bonds of friendship. You're in the trenches with these people, wading through the muck and mire and mucus and...well, it doesn't pay the bills- but you can't buy it with money either. I'm going to miss my FSPeeps. I'm going to miss all of the wonderful human beings that roam the halls of 401 North Sixth Street. Not everybody gets to love their job, but these past few months I got to live that out, and it makes me sad that I can only take it with me in a non-corporeal sense.
Next week I'll be taking that first step into the world of post-college professionalism. It's simultaneously frightening and exhilarating, and many shades in between. I don't know what the next steps will be, or where they will land. But I do know that those steps will bear shoe prints emblazoned with an 'SK' rocket ship.
Man, there is so much I want to say, and so few ways that I'm coming up with to say it. So this is what I got- thanks for the memories, Sandy Knoll. I miss you already.
This is the part where I'd have a nice, hopefully witty conclusion that referenced my introduction and hit on several of the themes contained within the body of my work. Again, words are failing me. Thanks a lot, words.
PIC: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCtsCjoT5vyt7xir8PBjNk3F3GOETQxB7yzo1O9UoS6uniyEQg5VDnXyJJffzDytMdiE_8rKdy9JN-F5uMHCfAMM1wiP2CdpJzZnik5ORSmGe6-3yFKqFT6MvccS4mubrVfQC-ccEg_L0/s1600/STEVE_BUSCEMI_MR_DEEDS.jpg
Sometimes, those words don't come so easily to me, and I have to dig and dig and dig some more...and usually I'm able to come up with something that might not be structurally beautiful but is at least functional.
 |
| I call those ones "Steve" |
And then, once in a great, great while, I simply can't think of what the heck to say and I have to fudge something. Like I am now. So then I have to apologize for the long-winded nothingness- I just couldn't figure out how to start off what I wanted to say (other than just coming right out and saying it...but how boring is that?).
Yesterday, I was formally offered a social work position at a social work agency. Yesterday, I formally accepted said position. Today, I started to process what that change is going to mean in our lives a little bit. Today...I'm just chock full of all sorts of emotions.
I wrote last week about my mixed feelings- and they're still there. Probably will be for awhile. To be clear- I'm very excited about my new position. It pays more. Full-time employment throughout the summer. A professional position in my field- that long anticipated, oft-bemoaned, first foot in the door, a notch in the belt for future stability and security. Stability and security. We aren't there yet, but after seven years of scratching and clawing (and being scratched and clawed) to make a living, I've finally landed a job that should carry me upwards and onwards wherever life may take us.
But this is also one of those moments where you realize when you have some pretty green grass right where you are, and how sometimes, that patch of green grass is maybe everything you ever wanted also, the grass is metaphorical. Real grass is sort of boring. These last nine months were so tremendous. Yeah, there were ups and downs and when you're leaving a job it's probably a lot easier to wax nostalgic about the good times/forget about the bad- but when you're an aide (or a direct care worker or something like that), those bad times can (and often do) serve to forge solid, airtight bonds of friendship. You're in the trenches with these people, wading through the muck and mire and mucus and...well, it doesn't pay the bills- but you can't buy it with money either. I'm going to miss my FSPeeps. I'm going to miss all of the wonderful human beings that roam the halls of 401 North Sixth Street. Not everybody gets to love their job, but these past few months I got to live that out, and it makes me sad that I can only take it with me in a non-corporeal sense.
Next week I'll be taking that first step into the world of post-college professionalism. It's simultaneously frightening and exhilarating, and many shades in between. I don't know what the next steps will be, or where they will land. But I do know that those steps will bear shoe prints emblazoned with an 'SK' rocket ship.
Man, there is so much I want to say, and so few ways that I'm coming up with to say it. So this is what I got- thanks for the memories, Sandy Knoll. I miss you already.
This is the part where I'd have a nice, hopefully witty conclusion that referenced my introduction and hit on several of the themes contained within the body of my work. Again, words are failing me. Thanks a lot, words.
PIC: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCtsCjoT5vyt7xir8PBjNk3F3GOETQxB7yzo1O9UoS6uniyEQg5VDnXyJJffzDytMdiE_8rKdy9JN-F5uMHCfAMM1wiP2CdpJzZnik5ORSmGe6-3yFKqFT6MvccS4mubrVfQC-ccEg_L0/s1600/STEVE_BUSCEMI_MR_DEEDS.jpg
Season 2012 first half of the first half review (that's a quarter for those of you who can afford the change)
In an effort to provide you with even more inanely unnecessary fantasy football coverage, I am now providing my in-season game reports in quarterly fashion- that means twice as many articles for you to ignore!
Wait a second, who am I kidding? You live for this stuff.
Week 1- I was expecting the Knights here (a Lions homer that I trounced twice last year), but with last minute division realignment I was left with a match-up against War Machine, a traditional thorn in my proverbial side. At the end of the day, though, I apparently didn't need to spend $600 on that therapy session as the Snow Flurries ended up winning a 146-83 laugher. I wonder if I can get a refund on all that Xanax...
What went right- 8 of 9 guys went for double digits- 3 in the 20s. Wow. Talk about overkill. I mean, that escalated quickly, that really got out of hand fast. Let me assure you that my team is not about embarrassing the opposition, and I made sure that I went over to the War Machine sideline and said I was really sorry and explained to him that this really isn't what we're about.
Oh well. I'm not here to make friends. Actually that's not true. Besides, things are so good right now that I don't even care that Dwayne Bowe only had 5 points. Do you remember how I pretty much lamented the drafting of Gore, Ridley, Jones, and...well, everyone? I sure don't. This is my team. These are my guys. Don't you come all up in here, pissing all over our cornflakes unless you're bladder somehow secretes sweet, sweet buttermilk. We're the Snow Flurries, and we're awesome!
What went wrong- Nothing. I played my best guys and they had the most points. The end.
Bonehead play- Again, nothing. This week was pretty much the definition of fantasy perfection. The Snow Flurries are well on their way to another season that raises the expectations just enough to thoroughly crush all hope in the playoffs.
Week 2- If week 1 was the triumphant sequel to my 2011 overture (think "Godfather II"), then week 2 was "Weekend at Bernie's 2". And just like that, my season has started going downhill faster than an porta-potty on wheels. Matched up against Center League newcomer Fergette, the Snow Flurries welcoming party forgets to bring a dish to pass in a 153-86 loss.
What went right- Bowe redeems himself with a 23 point outing, and Tom Brady (barely) has 17. My attempts to motivate Frank Gore by trashing him out-of-hand are clearly working as he has a second straight strong outing. And, um... not all of Fergettes dudes go for double digits.
What went wrong- Start with the injuries- Aaron Hernandez went out in the first quarter of his game, Matt Forte in the third. At least Forte got hurt in Week 2 instead of late in the season like last year, so I'll have more time to find a replacement/kick myself for not securing Michael Bush as a handcuff. Also, I mentioned that not all of Fergette's players went for double digits- merely 7 of 9. On top of that, Victor Cruz, Reggie Bush, CJ Spiller simply went off, scoring 85 points by themselves. Let that simmer for a minute- three players on the opposing team scored one point less than my entire team was able to muster.
Bonehead play-Well, since I didn't have Cruz, Bush, or Spiller to sit on my bench...I'd have to say leaving Ingram riding the pine against the Carolina Panthers, who seem to have one of the worst run defenses in the history of bad run defenses. Of course, this information really wouldn't have helped me this week- I was run out of the gym. Still, it goes to show how little I'm really paying attention. When has that ever come back to bite me though?
Try the very next week.
Week 3- One play. One. Stinking. Play. That's it. That's all that separated sweet, sweet victory over two-time champion Disco and a division leading 2-1 record with defeat and a 1-2 start . One play that I didn't make, and now I'm sitting here wallowing in the misery of a 92-84 defeat. Ah, ineptitude. My old friend. I really missed you.
What went right- Robbie Gould had 13 points. My kicker. 13 points. And really, that's about the best thing I can say for my team this week.
What went wrong- They say confession is good for the soul, and while I'll get more in depth in the 'Bonehead Moves' part of the show, right here I'll just come out and say it: I sat Andre Brown and his 25 points. Yeah, that really doesn't feel any better. What really killed me though was Peyton Manning's 26 points. Especially since he was busy sucking the first 2.5 quarters (I even saw a couple of his throws in the third quarter and it reminded me of...well, me). I've now been beaten in successive weeks by Reggie Bush and post-neck operation Peyton. I just don't know what else can possibly go wrong.
Bonehead move- Long story short, I jumped off the Ryan Williams bandwagon about as quickly as I jumped on it. He was averaging a little over a yard per carry and had two fumbles in two games. Not exactly the stuff of legend- unless you're talking the legend of The Incompetent Duckling. So I dropped him and picked up Brown after a nice little 7 point outing in the stead of the injured Ahmad Bradshaw. Similar thing happened last year on the Giants with some dude named Victor Cruz. Seemed to work out pretty well for him- and for me.
So after deftly swiping Brown off of the waiver wire right before he plays against the not-very-good Panthers D- I sit him. I'm not sure why. Maybe I missed the part where he was playing the Panthers. Perhaps I was a little too enraptured by the idea of Jonathan Dwyer (whom I saw have, like, a 70ish yard run this one time). It could have been the early season Thursday night game threw me off. Whatever the case- I sat 25 points and started -2 points, even though I knew that Brown was going to be getting most of the carries for the Giants and Dwyer was going to be sharing carries with Isaac Redman. I tried to beat the system, and the system destroyed me.
What really, REALLY sucks is that I can't even draw solace from my concubine league because my mom (my mom! I freaking lost to my mom!!!) had Ray Rice and Joe Flacco, which basically doubled her point output Sunday night and turn a sure win into a definite loss. Oh, and Ryan Williams? He only had 9 points- 9 points which in place of the negadeuce that Dwyer dropped would have won me the game as well. The lesson here, as always- trust a Cardinal before you trust a Steeler and your mom is better at fantasy football than you.
After leading the league in scoring last season and getting off to that same type of start, we're falling apart. Well, maybe 'falling apart' is too strong. Really I'm one bad play away from being 2-1. I can't panic when I'm one bad play away from being 2-1. I had somebody offer a trade to take Julio Jones away from me- he offered a couple solid players, but right now is not the time for solid. Now is the time to remember who we are, circle the wagons and remind my team that at full strength, we blew everybody else away in week 1. And also, time to go back to the pharmacy and see if I can get some of that Xanax back.
I feel pretty good about my team (other than Jonathan Dwyer, who I jettisoned faster than Harry Dunne on Turbo Lax I'll spare you the hyperlink. My draft, other than the injuries and poor performances, has panned out rather nicely, led by Frank Gore who has drastically exceeded expectations (to be fair, he could have pulled a Billy Cole and still been slightly better than I was anticipating). All I know is that it's a long season and nobody ever won a championship after the first three weeks. Well, except for the Miami Heat. And we all know how that turned out.
PIC: http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/001/404/276/129390268_crop_650x440.jpg?1318892311
Wait a second, who am I kidding? You live for this stuff.
Week 1- I was expecting the Knights here (a Lions homer that I trounced twice last year), but with last minute division realignment I was left with a match-up against War Machine, a traditional thorn in my proverbial side. At the end of the day, though, I apparently didn't need to spend $600 on that therapy session as the Snow Flurries ended up winning a 146-83 laugher. I wonder if I can get a refund on all that Xanax...
What went right- 8 of 9 guys went for double digits- 3 in the 20s. Wow. Talk about overkill. I mean, that escalated quickly, that really got out of hand fast. Let me assure you that my team is not about embarrassing the opposition, and I made sure that I went over to the War Machine sideline and said I was really sorry and explained to him that this really isn't what we're about.
 |
| Then we shook hands. Then we yelled. |
What went wrong- Nothing. I played my best guys and they had the most points. The end.
Bonehead play- Again, nothing. This week was pretty much the definition of fantasy perfection. The Snow Flurries are well on their way to another season that raises the expectations just enough to thoroughly crush all hope in the playoffs.
Week 2- If week 1 was the triumphant sequel to my 2011 overture (think "Godfather II"), then week 2 was "Weekend at Bernie's 2". And just like that, my season has started going downhill faster than an porta-potty on wheels. Matched up against Center League newcomer Fergette, the Snow Flurries welcoming party forgets to bring a dish to pass in a 153-86 loss.
What went right- Bowe redeems himself with a 23 point outing, and Tom Brady (barely) has 17. My attempts to motivate Frank Gore by trashing him out-of-hand are clearly working as he has a second straight strong outing. And, um... not all of Fergettes dudes go for double digits.
What went wrong- Start with the injuries- Aaron Hernandez went out in the first quarter of his game, Matt Forte in the third. At least Forte got hurt in Week 2 instead of late in the season like last year, so I'll have more time to find a replacement/kick myself for not securing Michael Bush as a handcuff. Also, I mentioned that not all of Fergette's players went for double digits- merely 7 of 9. On top of that, Victor Cruz, Reggie Bush, CJ Spiller simply went off, scoring 85 points by themselves. Let that simmer for a minute- three players on the opposing team scored one point less than my entire team was able to muster.
Bonehead play-Well, since I didn't have Cruz, Bush, or Spiller to sit on my bench...I'd have to say leaving Ingram riding the pine against the Carolina Panthers, who seem to have one of the worst run defenses in the history of bad run defenses. Of course, this information really wouldn't have helped me this week- I was run out of the gym. Still, it goes to show how little I'm really paying attention. When has that ever come back to bite me though?
Try the very next week.
Week 3- One play. One. Stinking. Play. That's it. That's all that separated sweet, sweet victory over two-time champion Disco and a division leading 2-1 record with defeat and a 1-2 start . One play that I didn't make, and now I'm sitting here wallowing in the misery of a 92-84 defeat. Ah, ineptitude. My old friend. I really missed you.
What went right- Robbie Gould had 13 points. My kicker. 13 points. And really, that's about the best thing I can say for my team this week.
What went wrong- They say confession is good for the soul, and while I'll get more in depth in the 'Bonehead Moves' part of the show, right here I'll just come out and say it: I sat Andre Brown and his 25 points. Yeah, that really doesn't feel any better. What really killed me though was Peyton Manning's 26 points. Especially since he was busy sucking the first 2.5 quarters (I even saw a couple of his throws in the third quarter and it reminded me of...well, me). I've now been beaten in successive weeks by Reggie Bush and post-neck operation Peyton. I just don't know what else can possibly go wrong.
Bonehead move- Long story short, I jumped off the Ryan Williams bandwagon about as quickly as I jumped on it. He was averaging a little over a yard per carry and had two fumbles in two games. Not exactly the stuff of legend- unless you're talking the legend of The Incompetent Duckling. So I dropped him and picked up Brown after a nice little 7 point outing in the stead of the injured Ahmad Bradshaw. Similar thing happened last year on the Giants with some dude named Victor Cruz. Seemed to work out pretty well for him- and for me.
So after deftly swiping Brown off of the waiver wire right before he plays against the not-very-good Panthers D- I sit him. I'm not sure why. Maybe I missed the part where he was playing the Panthers. Perhaps I was a little too enraptured by the idea of Jonathan Dwyer (whom I saw have, like, a 70ish yard run this one time). It could have been the early season Thursday night game threw me off. Whatever the case- I sat 25 points and started -2 points, even though I knew that Brown was going to be getting most of the carries for the Giants and Dwyer was going to be sharing carries with Isaac Redman. I tried to beat the system, and the system destroyed me.
What really, REALLY sucks is that I can't even draw solace from my concubine league because my mom (my mom! I freaking lost to my mom!!!) had Ray Rice and Joe Flacco, which basically doubled her point output Sunday night and turn a sure win into a definite loss. Oh, and Ryan Williams? He only had 9 points- 9 points which in place of the negadeuce that Dwyer dropped would have won me the game as well. The lesson here, as always- trust a Cardinal before you trust a Steeler and your mom is better at fantasy football than you.
After leading the league in scoring last season and getting off to that same type of start, we're falling apart. Well, maybe 'falling apart' is too strong. Really I'm one bad play away from being 2-1. I can't panic when I'm one bad play away from being 2-1. I had somebody offer a trade to take Julio Jones away from me- he offered a couple solid players, but right now is not the time for solid. Now is the time to remember who we are, circle the wagons and remind my team that at full strength, we blew everybody else away in week 1. And also, time to go back to the pharmacy and see if I can get some of that Xanax back.
I feel pretty good about my team (other than Jonathan Dwyer, who I jettisoned faster than Harry Dunne on Turbo Lax I'll spare you the hyperlink. My draft, other than the injuries and poor performances, has panned out rather nicely, led by Frank Gore who has drastically exceeded expectations (to be fair, he could have pulled a Billy Cole and still been slightly better than I was anticipating). All I know is that it's a long season and nobody ever won a championship after the first three weeks. Well, except for the Miami Heat. And we all know how that turned out.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Moment of clarity, moment of truth
From now on, do yourself a favor- whenever I make any sort of definitive statement about my life, assume that it's going to change sometime in the near future. Because over the past year or so I've been railing against my lot in life, and how I was woefully under-employed in my current position and how it was stupid that the only jobs I could find were ones that required a high school diploma when I was a Summa Cum Laude college graduate.
And now, a couple days after the latest interview and waiting to hear back on another potential job (eighth times a charm!), I find myself not knowing whether I really want to move on.
Without trying to paint myself into too much of a corner (lest I get the job offer and decide to take it), I'll say that there are at least a few reasons why I find myself waffling right before this quasi-huge moment that may not actually even come. Probably some insecurity in there, I'll admit. But perhaps one of the biggest reasons is that I've come to realize that I really love where I'm at right now.
I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened. But I do know that last week I was going for a walk, contemplating applying for new digs and thinking about the idea of leaving it....and I started to cry. Not just once- three times, this happened. I'm not even joking. Three times brah. I realized, then and there, that I really, REALLY like what I do.
Plus (and you can call me Little Boy Blue because I'm about to toot my own horn here) I'm really freaking good at it. I'm definitely the best male aide in the whole school. This year has given me ample opportunity to step up my game- and let's just say you can consider my game Stepped Up. We had some (difficult) new students start with very short notice, and a new aide hire quit with even shorter notice. To say it was very challenging would have been a contender for the understatement of the century.
The thing was- I liked it. I think it made me sort of retreat into this "survival" mode, quit kvetching about what lost opportunities were out there, roll up my sleeves and get in there to make it happen. And make it happen we have. Because as awesome as I am, I also happen to work with tremendous people who work just as hard along side of me. I'm not just an asset being stockpiled for the slow days- I'm an integral part of a well-oiled machine. And that's pretty freaking sweet.
To suavely point out the elephant in the room, I'm not so naive to think that having my kids going to school in the same building I'm working in plays a minor role. I love working in the same place my children do. Do I love seeing my kids randomly passing in the halls and being able to stop in their rooms on break and getting the chance to interact with their teachers in the lounge? Pardon the French, but you bet your ass I do. It may be the frosting on top of the Last Cake Standing- but it's frosting that you'd scale a donut mountain that was riding a skateboard for.
While it may sound like a slam dunk to stay, it certainly isn't- we aren't exactly in a place where I can afford to be romantic with my occupational decisions. Money isn't the only thing- but it's A thing, and unfortunately for us, right now it's a pretty important thing. The new job would increase our income by about 200%, and more importantly it would be the same level of income in the summer months. I've worked in schools the last couple of years, and have found out the hard way that money doesn't just grow on trees.
But you know what? I realized that if the school would let me, I'd clean toilets over the summer to stay where I'm at.
The other thing is that I'm not merely making another hopscotch step on my resume, but rather trying to have the next step be THE step- the Rasheed Wallace to my Ted Mosby if you will. One thing my interview for New Job made pretty apparent to me is that the Professional World is very, very scary. Yet, it's what I spent over $30,000 to try and learn how to conquer, and as much as I may love what I'm doing now, eventually I'm either going to have to come to grips with the fact that I've failed to live up to my education or come up with some really, really good excuses for doing so.
If I was to leave, it would be perfect timing. Next week, half of our classroom population will be moving over to a different building for the re-institution of a middle school Functional Skills program. I'd have a week to help set up the classroom for the rest of the year. Of course, all of this is assuming that New Job offers me a position- which, as I painfully found out this summer is never, ever a slam dunk. All these thoughts are just me trying to be prepared for that second in time when the moment of clarity intersects with the moment of truth and I have a decision to make.
Right now, I'm not sure I'm ready. Right now, I don't know if I'll ever be ready.
PICS-
Cake- http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2011/03/ugliest-hair-on-television.html
Toilet- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCjVnKW1BGcXxpAUvJldt-MoQLj5ouRlVieP6e3QREUIJ5yLjzcERCaBnbAiqXzmR_JextTxHor_E6QX_L93Dzt6MmN0347Z5CiAre9uPe6Fc0sf7GeLCX8gqC0pBkDd7Te2mf3UT0kqbC/s1600/dirty_toilet_001.jpg
And now, a couple days after the latest interview and waiting to hear back on another potential job (eighth times a charm!), I find myself not knowing whether I really want to move on.
Without trying to paint myself into too much of a corner (lest I get the job offer and decide to take it), I'll say that there are at least a few reasons why I find myself waffling right before this quasi-huge moment that may not actually even come. Probably some insecurity in there, I'll admit. But perhaps one of the biggest reasons is that I've come to realize that I really love where I'm at right now.
I can't pinpoint exactly when it happened. But I do know that last week I was going for a walk, contemplating applying for new digs and thinking about the idea of leaving it....and I started to cry. Not just once- three times, this happened. I'm not even joking. Three times brah. I realized, then and there, that I really, REALLY like what I do.
Plus (and you can call me Little Boy Blue because I'm about to toot my own horn here) I'm really freaking good at it. I'm definitely the best male aide in the whole school. This year has given me ample opportunity to step up my game- and let's just say you can consider my game Stepped Up. We had some (difficult) new students start with very short notice, and a new aide hire quit with even shorter notice. To say it was very challenging would have been a contender for the understatement of the century.
The thing was- I liked it. I think it made me sort of retreat into this "survival" mode, quit kvetching about what lost opportunities were out there, roll up my sleeves and get in there to make it happen. And make it happen we have. Because as awesome as I am, I also happen to work with tremendous people who work just as hard along side of me. I'm not just an asset being stockpiled for the slow days- I'm an integral part of a well-oiled machine. And that's pretty freaking sweet.
To suavely point out the elephant in the room, I'm not so naive to think that having my kids going to school in the same building I'm working in plays a minor role. I love working in the same place my children do. Do I love seeing my kids randomly passing in the halls and being able to stop in their rooms on break and getting the chance to interact with their teachers in the lounge? Pardon the French, but you bet your ass I do. It may be the frosting on top of the Last Cake Standing- but it's frosting that you'd scale a donut mountain that was riding a skateboard for.
 |
| Oh, and also, you're Marge Simpson |
But you know what? I realized that if the school would let me, I'd clean toilets over the summer to stay where I'm at.
 |
| On second thought, 200% is a lotta dough... |
If I was to leave, it would be perfect timing. Next week, half of our classroom population will be moving over to a different building for the re-institution of a middle school Functional Skills program. I'd have a week to help set up the classroom for the rest of the year. Of course, all of this is assuming that New Job offers me a position- which, as I painfully found out this summer is never, ever a slam dunk. All these thoughts are just me trying to be prepared for that second in time when the moment of clarity intersects with the moment of truth and I have a decision to make.
Right now, I'm not sure I'm ready. Right now, I don't know if I'll ever be ready.
PICS-
Cake- http://shewalks.blogspot.com/2011/03/ugliest-hair-on-television.html
Toilet- https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCjVnKW1BGcXxpAUvJldt-MoQLj5ouRlVieP6e3QREUIJ5yLjzcERCaBnbAiqXzmR_JextTxHor_E6QX_L93Dzt6MmN0347Z5CiAre9uPe6Fc0sf7GeLCX8gqC0pBkDd7Te2mf3UT0kqbC/s1600/dirty_toilet_001.jpg
Sunday, September 16, 2012
20,000 reads under Me
If you're one of those hardcore readers of mine who checks my blog every day and scrolls down to the very bottom to make sure you didn't miss any of the steamy, creamy goodness that I intermittently bake up for you, then you've surely noticed the part of my blog where it tells you how many page views I've had. If not, then I'll go against my better judgment and just go ahead and tell you- it's almost 20,000.
That's a lot, kids.
Actually, it's not really- I mean 20,000 is probably a good week (or even day- I know little about such things) for some bloggers. So it certainly doesn't mean that I've somehow "arrived" or anything like that. In fact, it probably just means that I have a group of family and friends that are willing to often humor me and an unsuspecting cyber world guilty of clicking on my posts because of my potentially misleading labels (which may or may not be controversial).
Nonetheless I'm excited about the milestone. Probably because my brain is hardwired for patterns and milestones and such, and 20,000 is a pretty big even number. It also means that if I've been nothing else, I've been durable. October 10th of this year will mark the 4th anniversary of my blog. Four years is a long time to be writing about nothing for nothing. I've seen plenty of friends and family start blogs and then just as suddenly stop them. Maybe they're busy, maybe they're discouraged about lack of readership, or maybe they realize that they just don't like to blog very much. Despite wrestling with some of those things, I've managed to persevere. For better or worse, I've kept at it. And four years later, there are still people who read what I write. Thank you. Nameless, faceless you is (are?) why I continue to do this.
So in short, I'm sort of excited about the 20,000 milestone because it means that I've managed to stick around. In the end, I'll likely drift into the abyss of the pages of history- but it won't be because I didn't keep going out there and trying to stamp my name on it.
That's a lot, kids.
Actually, it's not really- I mean 20,000 is probably a good week (or even day- I know little about such things) for some bloggers. So it certainly doesn't mean that I've somehow "arrived" or anything like that. In fact, it probably just means that I have a group of family and friends that are willing to often humor me and an unsuspecting cyber world guilty of clicking on my posts because of my potentially misleading labels (which may or may not be controversial).
Nonetheless I'm excited about the milestone. Probably because my brain is hardwired for patterns and milestones and such, and 20,000 is a pretty big even number. It also means that if I've been nothing else, I've been durable. October 10th of this year will mark the 4th anniversary of my blog. Four years is a long time to be writing about nothing for nothing. I've seen plenty of friends and family start blogs and then just as suddenly stop them. Maybe they're busy, maybe they're discouraged about lack of readership, or maybe they realize that they just don't like to blog very much. Despite wrestling with some of those things, I've managed to persevere. For better or worse, I've kept at it. And four years later, there are still people who read what I write. Thank you. Nameless, faceless you is (are?) why I continue to do this.
So in short, I'm sort of excited about the 20,000 milestone because it means that I've managed to stick around. In the end, I'll likely drift into the abyss of the pages of history- but it won't be because I didn't keep going out there and trying to stamp my name on it.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Anatomy of a song: This Fire Burns
Just a heads up, I'm going to start this off with something that doesn't really pertain to what I want to talk about AND doesn't even really tie in at the end. But since I can't think of a different way to start, you're stuck. Sorry. You get what you pay for.
Last year, I flirted with re-becoming a wrestling fan. Like most things I attempt, I failed. Miserably. While I still follow it through internet updates, I haven't really watched it in a couple of months. Mostly because it was hard to commit a three-hour chunk of time on Monday nights, partly because the storylines were really terrible. But during that time, I was introduced to CM Punk, and my life is definitely better because of it. This post isn't about that, though- it's about Punks' entrance at Money in the Bank 2011, which has quite possibly changed my life forever.
Pretty powerful statement, I realize- let me just say that it's more about his entrance song being the life changer with overall entrance functioning as more of a conduit. There- now it doesn't sound so ridiculous. Anyways, back to the entrance. Punk comes out after this whole crazy summer storyline where he's going to leave the WWE and wants to take the championship with him. Whatevs. They made a really cool promo video for it, which caught me up to speed and sort of got me excited. The Pay-per-view took place in Chicago, which is apparently CM Punks "hometown". Aside: I'm a little skeptical about everything in wrestling- like, is it really his hometown? Would anybody in the arena known it was his hometown unless the WWE announcers told us? Maybe he's not really from Chicago. Maybe he's just from Aurora.
And wow, I'm really getting off track. The point is that the atmosphere was wonderfully electric- one of the most electric I've ever seen. Over 14,000 people in attendance, most of them chanting Punks name in anticipation of his entrance (BTW, the WWE has the science of the entrance down pat. The repetition which rewards our expectations and heightens our excitement and connection to the wrestler- WWE may be many things, but brilliant is one of them)- and then I hear it, for the first time- the searing guitar intro, the 32nd notes, the dancing riff, the dramatic breath before the chorus...and months after the fact, I am transported ringside, rooting against the evil McMahon empire and pledging allegiance to the Straightedge Society.
I pretty much went right out and downloaded the song immediately, and over the past few months it has really been an important coping mechanism for me. My goal for this post (and hopefully in the future for different songs) is sort of break down the song and what I like about it. While I'm no Simon Cowell, I do hope that my years of experience as a drummer combined with my one semester of Music in Society and all those times my dad played in bars on the weekend when I was a kid will help me to not make a complete a** of myself. Really though, all musical knowledge contained in this post is compliments of my wife. Who is awesome.
"This Fire Burns" by Killswitch Engage (with bonus Titantron)
Eh? EH? Effing awesome, right?
Clearly this song is all about the chorus. Not that the verses/bridge are bad necessarily- indeed, they're adequate and there's definitely some nice things going on- the screaming intro (excellent drawing out of the "YEAH"), a nice chunky guitar riff/pounding drum combo, the varied screaming (moving very nicely from the bark to the guttural whine). Lyrically though, it doesn't blow me away- destiny blah fulfilled blah in my hands whoopdy proving ground darn do. In fact, if I didn't like the vocalist so much, I'd probably be tempted to just skip (or "fast forward" if you're using a 'tape' player) right to the chorus.
Because it's so freaking awesome.
The verses are like stockings on Christmas morning, and the chorus is the biggest present under the tree. I've had some really great stockings. ITunes gift cards, candy, Burt's Bees- stockings are definitely an underrated part of Christmas and you totally want what's inside of them. But you pretty much power through them because you're really just there for all that swag under the tree. And that's what this chorus is, a big ol box of Official-Red-Ryder-Carbine-Action-Two-Hundred-Shot-Range-Model-Air-Rifle-Turbo-Man-Jelly-of-the-Month-club Christmas swag.
Still, you obviously can't open the biggest present first- otherwise Christmas would be a huge letdown. So you get some other gifts to sort of build the anticipation. Socks, underwear, notepads, a gun rack...
For the record, I've now given you a picture and video clip from Wayne's World. You're welcome.
Back to the point, the smaller gift from Killswitch Engage is that hauntingly beautiful arpeggiated chord right before the chorus, which as I alluded to before is this really dramatic moment- it's like you're hanging there right on the edge of a precipitous drop off and you have no idea what's going to happen- you just know it's going to rock your freaking socks off.
And then BAM- it totally does.
This is, hands down, one of my top five favorite choruses of all time. Easily. Mostly because of how the words, melody, and instrumentation all work together to create this very powerful musical moment that resonates deeply inside of me. One of the reasons that music is absolutely essential to the human experience is it allows us to experience things in much more tangible, powerful ways than mere words can. For instance, here are the words to the chorus of "This Fire Burns":
On paper, in black and white, they're pretty meh, actually. I can't really grab onto them- they aren't saying anything to me. It's not a very interesting rhyme. Yawn. Next.
But when you hear them through Howard Jones dancing around the very edge of his vocal range (it feels like it, anyways), along side the clean guitar picking over top of the dirty slough, to the chromatic movement of a melody tensely building a mood of despair and angst while the driving drums, words, and melody resolution promote a sense of hope...you can't help but be taken to a place where you feel like you can take on whatever challenges and hard times that come your way. It's the Growing Pains theme song on steroids.
Life has been hard for awhile. I know that in context of the whole of humanity I have it pretty darn good- but just because you can be thankful doesn't mean you can smile, and my life has had more despair and hopelessness than I ever thought it would. This chorus is like a proudly-waved middle finger to the things that would keep us held down, a poignant reminder that we are here now, and that while life is rough and none of us make it out alive, we each have it inside of us to move forward, to live, to survive, to say that no matter what happens, I will wake up this morning, hold tightly to those I hold most dear, and put on my a**-kicking boots and get ready to do this thing we call existing.
If you didn't get the chills while reading what I just wrote, please go back and read it again while you're blasting the chorus to "This Fire Burns".
That's it for this edition of Anatomy Of A Song. Tune in some future time where I'll likely discuss some other song and how it has impacted me...or something.
PIC- http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22616252.jpg
Last year, I flirted with re-becoming a wrestling fan. Like most things I attempt, I failed. Miserably. While I still follow it through internet updates, I haven't really watched it in a couple of months. Mostly because it was hard to commit a three-hour chunk of time on Monday nights, partly because the storylines were really terrible. But during that time, I was introduced to CM Punk, and my life is definitely better because of it. This post isn't about that, though- it's about Punks' entrance at Money in the Bank 2011, which has quite possibly changed my life forever.
Pretty powerful statement, I realize- let me just say that it's more about his entrance song being the life changer with overall entrance functioning as more of a conduit. There- now it doesn't sound so ridiculous. Anyways, back to the entrance. Punk comes out after this whole crazy summer storyline where he's going to leave the WWE and wants to take the championship with him. Whatevs. They made a really cool promo video for it, which caught me up to speed and sort of got me excited. The Pay-per-view took place in Chicago, which is apparently CM Punks "hometown". Aside: I'm a little skeptical about everything in wrestling- like, is it really his hometown? Would anybody in the arena known it was his hometown unless the WWE announcers told us? Maybe he's not really from Chicago. Maybe he's just from Aurora.
And wow, I'm really getting off track. The point is that the atmosphere was wonderfully electric- one of the most electric I've ever seen. Over 14,000 people in attendance, most of them chanting Punks name in anticipation of his entrance (BTW, the WWE has the science of the entrance down pat. The repetition which rewards our expectations and heightens our excitement and connection to the wrestler- WWE may be many things, but brilliant is one of them)- and then I hear it, for the first time- the searing guitar intro, the 32nd notes, the dancing riff, the dramatic breath before the chorus...and months after the fact, I am transported ringside, rooting against the evil McMahon empire and pledging allegiance to the Straightedge Society.
I pretty much went right out and downloaded the song immediately, and over the past few months it has really been an important coping mechanism for me. My goal for this post (and hopefully in the future for different songs) is sort of break down the song and what I like about it. While I'm no Simon Cowell, I do hope that my years of experience as a drummer combined with my one semester of Music in Society and all those times my dad played in bars on the weekend when I was a kid will help me to not make a complete a** of myself. Really though, all musical knowledge contained in this post is compliments of my wife. Who is awesome.
"This Fire Burns" by Killswitch Engage (with bonus Titantron)
Eh? EH? Effing awesome, right?
Clearly this song is all about the chorus. Not that the verses/bridge are bad necessarily- indeed, they're adequate and there's definitely some nice things going on- the screaming intro (excellent drawing out of the "YEAH"), a nice chunky guitar riff/pounding drum combo, the varied screaming (moving very nicely from the bark to the guttural whine). Lyrically though, it doesn't blow me away- destiny blah fulfilled blah in my hands whoopdy proving ground darn do. In fact, if I didn't like the vocalist so much, I'd probably be tempted to just skip (or "fast forward" if you're using a 'tape' player) right to the chorus.
Because it's so freaking awesome.
The verses are like stockings on Christmas morning, and the chorus is the biggest present under the tree. I've had some really great stockings. ITunes gift cards, candy, Burt's Bees- stockings are definitely an underrated part of Christmas and you totally want what's inside of them. But you pretty much power through them because you're really just there for all that swag under the tree. And that's what this chorus is, a big ol box of Official-Red-Ryder-Carbine-Action-Two-Hundred-Shot-Range-Model-Air-Rifle-Turbo-Man-Jelly-of-the-Month-club Christmas swag.
Still, you obviously can't open the biggest present first- otherwise Christmas would be a huge letdown. So you get some other gifts to sort of build the anticipation. Socks, underwear, notepads, a gun rack...
For the record, I've now given you a picture and video clip from Wayne's World. You're welcome.
Back to the point, the smaller gift from Killswitch Engage is that hauntingly beautiful arpeggiated chord right before the chorus, which as I alluded to before is this really dramatic moment- it's like you're hanging there right on the edge of a precipitous drop off and you have no idea what's going to happen- you just know it's going to rock your freaking socks off.
And then BAM- it totally does.
This is, hands down, one of my top five favorite choruses of all time. Easily. Mostly because of how the words, melody, and instrumentation all work together to create this very powerful musical moment that resonates deeply inside of me. One of the reasons that music is absolutely essential to the human experience is it allows us to experience things in much more tangible, powerful ways than mere words can. For instance, here are the words to the chorus of "This Fire Burns":
Even through the darkest days
This fire burns always x2
On paper, in black and white, they're pretty meh, actually. I can't really grab onto them- they aren't saying anything to me. It's not a very interesting rhyme. Yawn. Next.
But when you hear them through Howard Jones dancing around the very edge of his vocal range (it feels like it, anyways), along side the clean guitar picking over top of the dirty slough, to the chromatic movement of a melody tensely building a mood of despair and angst while the driving drums, words, and melody resolution promote a sense of hope...you can't help but be taken to a place where you feel like you can take on whatever challenges and hard times that come your way. It's the Growing Pains theme song on steroids.
Life has been hard for awhile. I know that in context of the whole of humanity I have it pretty darn good- but just because you can be thankful doesn't mean you can smile, and my life has had more despair and hopelessness than I ever thought it would. This chorus is like a proudly-waved middle finger to the things that would keep us held down, a poignant reminder that we are here now, and that while life is rough and none of us make it out alive, we each have it inside of us to move forward, to live, to survive, to say that no matter what happens, I will wake up this morning, hold tightly to those I hold most dear, and put on my a**-kicking boots and get ready to do this thing we call existing.
If you didn't get the chills while reading what I just wrote, please go back and read it again while you're blasting the chorus to "This Fire Burns".
That's it for this edition of Anatomy Of A Song. Tune in some future time where I'll likely discuss some other song and how it has impacted me...or something.
PIC- http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22616252.jpg
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Draftstravaganza 2012: The desert
So look, I'm really sorry- I had no intention of turning this into a three course meal (and even less intention of that meal stretching on for over a week). I honestly intended to (as I have in the past) just have one big 'ol slop fest draft recap as I have in the past. But then one thing led to another, and before I knew it I had just plates and plates full of goodness. So believe me when I say that this isn't some sham, some blatant attempt to bump up post count. I really just want you to observe healthy reading habits.
Round 8
Didn't get: Stephen Gostkowski, K- Okay, if Stephen Gostkowski comes back and scores 20 points per game, I'll bite my tongue, grovel on over to the Patriots practice facility, and wash his feet with the tears of my sorrow. Otherwise, I pass on kickers in the 8th round so I can draft guys like...
Mark Ingram, RB Although this wasn't a guy I really wanted to get (and I had originally planned on getting a D or a TE here), my hand was forced by the lack of appealing depth at the RB position. Besides, I felt I could get a TE/Def of value with my next couple of picks. No way this comes back to bite me.
Could have had: Ravens D- Not only does it come back to bite me, but it bites me right on my most tender, vulnerable parts. I really REALLY wanted the Ravens D. I gush about Jordy Nelson and Jimmy and the Gronk, but the Ravens were the second leading scorer for my team last year and a very integral part of the success thatI we had. Huge loss for the Flurries here.
Round 9
Didn't get: Ryan Williams, RB- After going the whole draft not really wanting to draft anyone (and getting them anyways), I have back to back picks missing out on targeted players. I really wanted Williams- I have a good feeling about him, tough runner and playing behind Beanie Wells. Who, as you may remember from last year, is a human get-hurt machine. I respond to the disappointment by deftly drafting...
Jared Cook, TE- Pay attention class, because you may have just heard the first and last times that you hear someone use "deftly drafting" and "Jared Cook" together in a sentence ever again. Sure, he's a mega-talented potential sleeper guy- and we all know those guys always pan out. I justify this pick by my need for depth. Depth is the word you keep telling myself after you draft another guy that A) you haven't heard of and B) you aren't very excited about.
Could have had: LeGarrette Blount, RB- After the debacle that was the 2011 Tampa Bay Buccaneers offense, I suppose I can forgive myself for not taking a flyer on their up-and-down RB. I just hope LeGarrette doesn't catch wind of this and punch me in the face.
Round 10
Didn't get: RGIII, QB- Another bummer. Obviously I didn't need a QB. I already have Brady and then I went ahead and drafted Rivers. But after Newtongate last year, you better believe I was in 'Buy low/sell high' mode here. Having missed out on the opportunity to draft another multi-talented rookie QB, I decided to drown my sorrows by drafting...
Eagles D Which actually makes me feel more depressed. I think these guys will get lots of sacks here, and DeSean Jackson is still returning kicks/punts I'm assuming...and instead of drowning my sorrows, I'm sitting next to them at the bar and picking up their tab.
Could have had: Mason Crosby, K- With all due respect to the person that drafted a kicker here, this pick perfectly represents why we're headed to a Fantasy Football lockout. The owners can't help themselves. Crosby will have a good season- but will he be that much better than any other kicker? I'm willing to take wager that he's not.
Round 11
Didn't get: Jon Baldwin, WR- Look, Baldwin is one of those guys with Atlas-level potential and world-class measurables. He's probably a very fine sleeper pick with the potential to be a star. But don't you see the conflict of interest here? He plays on the same team that Dwayne Bowe does. Dwayne Bowe. Dwayne and I spent the entire 2011 season apart, and while I welcomed him home with open arms, I have to admit that there's still some trust issues that need to be resolved. I can't just take another Kansas City receiver six rounds after Dwayne- it'd be devastating to him, which (more importantly) would be devastating to our team (and thus devastating to me, which is what it's really all about). So good luck, Jon Baldwin (just not at the expense of NORTH Michigan's favorite son). And even more conditional good luck to my 11th round pick...
Steelers D-I try not to think about what might have been. See, we did our draft with the usual 16 rounds- but our teams only have 15 roster spots. That means, for the first time ever, owners across the Center League had to make cuts. Real cuts, not just the "You suck so I'm gonna find someone better" cuts- cuts that make dudes have to go out and apply for unemployment or sign up for Michigan works. Or, in my case, like 20-30 dudes, since I cut an entire defense worth of dudes. I'm not sure who I should apologize to first- the guys I had to cut, or the taxpayers that are going to be bearing a disproportionate burden for these suddenly-unemployed millionaires.
Could have had: Toby Gerhart, RB- I have been reading some Matthew Berry articles over the past couple of weeks- I've read his stuff before and enjoyed it, but I'm really digging on him this year (mostly because he is so high on guys that I drafted)- but I wish I would have read his 2012 draft manifesto before our draft, because he hammered home the importance of having lots and lots of running backs (something about how being a high scoring position with increased likelihood of lower picks striking big). In that light, Gerhart here (who probably has a couple of weeks of being "The Man" in Minnesota while Adrian Peterson gets healthier) would have been a better pick than the castoffs I decided to go with. I guess I just let everybody down.
Round 12
Didn't get: Brent Celek, TE- "Well, my season is shot. I didn't land Brent Celek in the draft"- Said nobody, ever.
Greg Little, WR- It only took about 12 rounds, but I was finally able to draft someone in a round where I felt I should be drafting them (obviously not counting Dwayne Bowe here). The latest champion of the Big Man On Crap-pus Draft (BMOC) Philosophy that I am currently swearing by- I'll be honest, I've never heard of this guy (probably because he plays for Cleveland), but the Experts tell me he's their best player. Whatever that means.
Could have had: Jacquizz Rodgers, RB- A nice little sleeper back, but every time I say his name I have to rinse my mouth out. NOTE: Probably don't watch the video around children.
Round 13
Didn't get: Davone Bess, WR- Another disappointed miss, Bess is on the fast track to the BMOC All-Stars as well. The only consolation that I had about missing out on this guy was that I was able to draft...
Randy Moss, WR- Before there was Dwayne, there was Randy. Randy and I didn't have anything nearly as special as Dwayne and I, but Randy was the first bonafide superstar that I had on my roster, and the first guy I was heartbroken to get rid of. I'm sure he's just a shell of himself now, but if he has anything left in the tank, anything at all- we could be fifteen minutes away from magic time.
Could have had: Bills D- I know, I know. Yawn, right? Well, apparently the fantasy football TV talking head guys on the NFL Network's fantasy show are really high on these guys (at least for week 1, anyways). I've said this before, and I'll say it again- isn't it a conflict of interest for the NFL to have people talking about the players fantasy prospects? It's like if life was like a fantasy sporting event, and you could draft a fantasy "family" (actually this idea is sort of intriguing to me). Now imagine that I was on a TV show about that league and people were asking whether they should draft my wife and I said "Well, Sara is guaranteed to give you four to five Hot Meals/week (6 points per) but can be very Nagging (-3 points) and Cold/Emotionally Distant (-5 points), so I wouldn't draft her before the 12th round". IMMEDIATE NOTE: Sara is not those things, I'm just using them for the purpose of illustration. What was I trying to illustrate again? Oh yeah, that's right: I don't really mind not getting the Bills D.
Round 14
Didn't get: Garrett Hartley, K- Any other year, I would have bemoaned the lost opportunity to draft a Saints kicker. I don't have any actual stats, but I'm pretty sure if you're a kicker on a Drew Brees team, you're fantasy gold. But with all the turmoil around the Saints this year, and all of the coaching turnover (seriously- when has a team ever had to get an interim coach to fill in for their interim coach), I'm not 100% sold on New Orleans. However, I am drinking up all of the Bears Kool-aid I can get my stubby little mitts on. Hence my final round drafting of....
Robbie Gould, K- All the smart guys say this, so I'm saying it now too. Oh crap. I forgot what they're saying. Kickers. It's something about kickers. And little consistency year-to-year...oh, and always available. Unreliable. That was another word. Still, I think the Bears attack is going to be pretty potent this year, and Gould stands in good position to get some serious points. But really, he's a kicker and his name isn't Nick Folk, so we're good. And yes, to my repeat readers, I'm going to stick with that Nick Folk joke again. Probably next year too. Actually I have it leased until 2017. So about five more years of the Nick Folk joke.
Could have had: Daniel Thomas, RB- On one hand, he's a RB whose name I've heard of being drafted in a round where most of us are grabbing K. This pick has mega-steal written all over it. On the other hand, he plays for the Dolphins....
Yeah, I think I'm glad I passed.
So that's my draft recap (finally). The season starts today, and the Snow Flurries are ready to defend our league best record and second-round exit. In the words of The Rock, Bring It!
Round 8
Didn't get: Stephen Gostkowski, K- Okay, if Stephen Gostkowski comes back and scores 20 points per game, I'll bite my tongue, grovel on over to the Patriots practice facility, and wash his feet with the tears of my sorrow. Otherwise, I pass on kickers in the 8th round so I can draft guys like...
Mark Ingram, RB Although this wasn't a guy I really wanted to get (and I had originally planned on getting a D or a TE here), my hand was forced by the lack of appealing depth at the RB position. Besides, I felt I could get a TE/Def of value with my next couple of picks. No way this comes back to bite me.
Could have had: Ravens D- Not only does it come back to bite me, but it bites me right on my most tender, vulnerable parts. I really REALLY wanted the Ravens D. I gush about Jordy Nelson and Jimmy and the Gronk, but the Ravens were the second leading scorer for my team last year and a very integral part of the success that
Round 9
Didn't get: Ryan Williams, RB- After going the whole draft not really wanting to draft anyone (and getting them anyways), I have back to back picks missing out on targeted players. I really wanted Williams- I have a good feeling about him, tough runner and playing behind Beanie Wells. Who, as you may remember from last year, is a human get-hurt machine. I respond to the disappointment by deftly drafting...
Jared Cook, TE- Pay attention class, because you may have just heard the first and last times that you hear someone use "deftly drafting" and "Jared Cook" together in a sentence ever again. Sure, he's a mega-talented potential sleeper guy- and we all know those guys always pan out. I justify this pick by my need for depth. Depth is the word you keep telling myself after you draft another guy that A) you haven't heard of and B) you aren't very excited about.
Could have had: LeGarrette Blount, RB- After the debacle that was the 2011 Tampa Bay Buccaneers offense, I suppose I can forgive myself for not taking a flyer on their up-and-down RB. I just hope LeGarrette doesn't catch wind of this and punch me in the face.
Round 10
Didn't get: RGIII, QB- Another bummer. Obviously I didn't need a QB. I already have Brady and then I went ahead and drafted Rivers. But after Newtongate last year, you better believe I was in 'Buy low/sell high' mode here. Having missed out on the opportunity to draft another multi-talented rookie QB, I decided to drown my sorrows by drafting...
Eagles D Which actually makes me feel more depressed. I think these guys will get lots of sacks here, and DeSean Jackson is still returning kicks/punts I'm assuming...and instead of drowning my sorrows, I'm sitting next to them at the bar and picking up their tab.
Could have had: Mason Crosby, K- With all due respect to the person that drafted a kicker here, this pick perfectly represents why we're headed to a Fantasy Football lockout. The owners can't help themselves. Crosby will have a good season- but will he be that much better than any other kicker? I'm willing to take wager that he's not.
Round 11
Didn't get: Jon Baldwin, WR- Look, Baldwin is one of those guys with Atlas-level potential and world-class measurables. He's probably a very fine sleeper pick with the potential to be a star. But don't you see the conflict of interest here? He plays on the same team that Dwayne Bowe does. Dwayne Bowe. Dwayne and I spent the entire 2011 season apart, and while I welcomed him home with open arms, I have to admit that there's still some trust issues that need to be resolved. I can't just take another Kansas City receiver six rounds after Dwayne- it'd be devastating to him, which (more importantly) would be devastating to our team (and thus devastating to me, which is what it's really all about). So good luck, Jon Baldwin (just not at the expense of NORTH Michigan's favorite son). And even more conditional good luck to my 11th round pick...
Steelers D-I try not to think about what might have been. See, we did our draft with the usual 16 rounds- but our teams only have 15 roster spots. That means, for the first time ever, owners across the Center League had to make cuts. Real cuts, not just the "You suck so I'm gonna find someone better" cuts- cuts that make dudes have to go out and apply for unemployment or sign up for Michigan works. Or, in my case, like 20-30 dudes, since I cut an entire defense worth of dudes. I'm not sure who I should apologize to first- the guys I had to cut, or the taxpayers that are going to be bearing a disproportionate burden for these suddenly-unemployed millionaires.
Could have had: Toby Gerhart, RB- I have been reading some Matthew Berry articles over the past couple of weeks- I've read his stuff before and enjoyed it, but I'm really digging on him this year (mostly because he is so high on guys that I drafted)- but I wish I would have read his 2012 draft manifesto before our draft, because he hammered home the importance of having lots and lots of running backs (something about how being a high scoring position with increased likelihood of lower picks striking big). In that light, Gerhart here (who probably has a couple of weeks of being "The Man" in Minnesota while Adrian Peterson gets healthier) would have been a better pick than the castoffs I decided to go with. I guess I just let everybody down.
Round 12
Didn't get: Brent Celek, TE- "Well, my season is shot. I didn't land Brent Celek in the draft"- Said nobody, ever.
Greg Little, WR- It only took about 12 rounds, but I was finally able to draft someone in a round where I felt I should be drafting them (obviously not counting Dwayne Bowe here). The latest champion of the Big Man On Crap-pus Draft (BMOC) Philosophy that I am currently swearing by- I'll be honest, I've never heard of this guy (probably because he plays for Cleveland), but the Experts tell me he's their best player. Whatever that means.
Could have had: Jacquizz Rodgers, RB- A nice little sleeper back, but every time I say his name I have to rinse my mouth out. NOTE: Probably don't watch the video around children.
Round 13
Didn't get: Davone Bess, WR- Another disappointed miss, Bess is on the fast track to the BMOC All-Stars as well. The only consolation that I had about missing out on this guy was that I was able to draft...
Randy Moss, WR- Before there was Dwayne, there was Randy. Randy and I didn't have anything nearly as special as Dwayne and I, but Randy was the first bonafide superstar that I had on my roster, and the first guy I was heartbroken to get rid of. I'm sure he's just a shell of himself now, but if he has anything left in the tank, anything at all- we could be fifteen minutes away from magic time.
Could have had: Bills D- I know, I know. Yawn, right? Well, apparently the fantasy football TV talking head guys on the NFL Network's fantasy show are really high on these guys (at least for week 1, anyways). I've said this before, and I'll say it again- isn't it a conflict of interest for the NFL to have people talking about the players fantasy prospects? It's like if life was like a fantasy sporting event, and you could draft a fantasy "family" (actually this idea is sort of intriguing to me). Now imagine that I was on a TV show about that league and people were asking whether they should draft my wife and I said "Well, Sara is guaranteed to give you four to five Hot Meals/week (6 points per) but can be very Nagging (-3 points) and Cold/Emotionally Distant (-5 points), so I wouldn't draft her before the 12th round". IMMEDIATE NOTE: Sara is not those things, I'm just using them for the purpose of illustration. What was I trying to illustrate again? Oh yeah, that's right: I don't really mind not getting the Bills D.
Round 14
Didn't get: Garrett Hartley, K- Any other year, I would have bemoaned the lost opportunity to draft a Saints kicker. I don't have any actual stats, but I'm pretty sure if you're a kicker on a Drew Brees team, you're fantasy gold. But with all the turmoil around the Saints this year, and all of the coaching turnover (seriously- when has a team ever had to get an interim coach to fill in for their interim coach), I'm not 100% sold on New Orleans. However, I am drinking up all of the Bears Kool-aid I can get my stubby little mitts on. Hence my final round drafting of....
Robbie Gould, K- All the smart guys say this, so I'm saying it now too. Oh crap. I forgot what they're saying. Kickers. It's something about kickers. And little consistency year-to-year...oh, and always available. Unreliable. That was another word. Still, I think the Bears attack is going to be pretty potent this year, and Gould stands in good position to get some serious points. But really, he's a kicker and his name isn't Nick Folk, so we're good. And yes, to my repeat readers, I'm going to stick with that Nick Folk joke again. Probably next year too. Actually I have it leased until 2017. So about five more years of the Nick Folk joke.
Could have had: Daniel Thomas, RB- On one hand, he's a RB whose name I've heard of being drafted in a round where most of us are grabbing K. This pick has mega-steal written all over it. On the other hand, he plays for the Dolphins....
Yeah, I think I'm glad I passed.
So that's my draft recap (finally). The season starts today, and the Snow Flurries are ready to defend our league best record and second-round exit. In the words of The Rock, Bring It!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Since you're not sick of me yet, a brief update
Well, it's been awhile since you've heard from me (and even longer since I've done one of these post-count-boosting updates), so I figure it's time. I've deprived you for long enough.
First of all, those of you who are waiting for part three of the draft recap trilogy (and judging from the page stats, that's about six of you), I'm really hoping to get that churned out tonight (although I probably won't post it until tomorrow). Not that it's going to be a super-compelling must read or anyth- wait a minute...what the heck am I saying??? OF COURSE it's going to be amazing, and you're going to want to keep coming back to my blog every five minutes just to make sure I haven't posted it yet. Seriously though, I need to get this done before the season starts so that my analysis of the draft isn't tainted by actual on-the-field production. Which, come to think about it, is probably how that analysis should be conducted. But that's a story for the end of the season.
Secondly, I picked the wrong week to begin a lifestyle change! Judging by the amount of 8:00 pm naps I took this week, work is going to be crazy busy this year. I felt as the week went along we started to hit a little bit of a stride, but it's going to be balls to the wall all year.
Actually, this past week I didn't do too bad with my goals (and in case you're wondering, at this point I'm not planning to do weekly progress goals- this is more like bonus material for the real reason for the update which is to let those six people know why their post-draft "meal" has not been completed yet). I'm going to get in a walk today, which will give me 3 days of walking this week (goal: 4). Not bad, considering yesterday I could barely move towards the end of the school day. Not including today (since I haven't eaten all the meals yet), I've had seconds 4 times (goal: 2). Quick note- this is primarily a dinner issue, so I'm only counting those meals. I just don't usually have seconds at breakfast and lunch because those meals are so...boring. Anyways, it wasn't the immediate seconds that got the best of me (which is progress, by the way)- it was those 10:00 pm hunger cravings. I definitely counted those as seconds because you shouldn't be eating at that hour anyways.
Internet time? I actually did pretty well (disclaimer: coming up). I was only on the internet more than 40 minutes once this week. Go me! Oh, did I say something about a disclaimer? Well, truth be told I was probably on more than that, if you count time on smart phone/Kindle. But I'm not- at least not yet. Because at this stage, it's not "The Evil Internet" that I'm trying to break off- it's the laptop computer, which is really like a second lap to me. Because those touch screens are still a little unwieldy to me, I find I do much less 'cyclical/mindless surfing' than I do on the laptop.
(I'm 100% sure that my success in this area was helped by the fact that my laptop charger crapped out and so I wasn't able to use my laptop. But there are no asterisks in the game of life. It's all good).
So that's my life in a really tiny nutshell. We're adjusting to yet another transition, and making it work. Life is busy- but we're a happy, healthy family. You can't really ask for anything more.
Except for the last part of my draft recap. Which you're getting tomorrow. So relax, enjoy this weekend, and don't forget to tip yourfavorite blogger waiters and waitresses.
First of all, those of you who are waiting for part three of the draft recap trilogy (and judging from the page stats, that's about six of you), I'm really hoping to get that churned out tonight (although I probably won't post it until tomorrow). Not that it's going to be a super-compelling must read or anyth- wait a minute...what the heck am I saying??? OF COURSE it's going to be amazing, and you're going to want to keep coming back to my blog every five minutes just to make sure I haven't posted it yet. Seriously though, I need to get this done before the season starts so that my analysis of the draft isn't tainted by actual on-the-field production. Which, come to think about it, is probably how that analysis should be conducted. But that's a story for the end of the season.
Secondly, I picked the wrong week to begin a lifestyle change! Judging by the amount of 8:00 pm naps I took this week, work is going to be crazy busy this year. I felt as the week went along we started to hit a little bit of a stride, but it's going to be balls to the wall all year.
Actually, this past week I didn't do too bad with my goals (and in case you're wondering, at this point I'm not planning to do weekly progress goals- this is more like bonus material for the real reason for the update which is to let those six people know why their post-draft "meal" has not been completed yet). I'm going to get in a walk today, which will give me 3 days of walking this week (goal: 4). Not bad, considering yesterday I could barely move towards the end of the school day. Not including today (since I haven't eaten all the meals yet), I've had seconds 4 times (goal: 2). Quick note- this is primarily a dinner issue, so I'm only counting those meals. I just don't usually have seconds at breakfast and lunch because those meals are so...boring. Anyways, it wasn't the immediate seconds that got the best of me (which is progress, by the way)- it was those 10:00 pm hunger cravings. I definitely counted those as seconds because you shouldn't be eating at that hour anyways.
Internet time? I actually did pretty well (disclaimer: coming up). I was only on the internet more than 40 minutes once this week. Go me! Oh, did I say something about a disclaimer? Well, truth be told I was probably on more than that, if you count time on smart phone/Kindle. But I'm not- at least not yet. Because at this stage, it's not "The Evil Internet" that I'm trying to break off- it's the laptop computer, which is really like a second lap to me. Because those touch screens are still a little unwieldy to me, I find I do much less 'cyclical/mindless surfing' than I do on the laptop.
(I'm 100% sure that my success in this area was helped by the fact that my laptop charger crapped out and so I wasn't able to use my laptop. But there are no asterisks in the game of life. It's all good).
So that's my life in a really tiny nutshell. We're adjusting to yet another transition, and making it work. Life is busy- but we're a happy, healthy family. You can't really ask for anything more.
Except for the last part of my draft recap. Which you're getting tomorrow. So relax, enjoy this weekend, and don't forget to tip your
Saturday, September 1, 2012
I came, I saw, I want to go home and rethink my life
If there was one thing that this summer taught me (in very violent, non-subtle shots to the junk), it's that there's a lot I have to do to be a better person. Before I get too deep into the shredding of my soul, allow me to say that this isn't going to be another one of those posts where I slam my fists on the ground as I curse the sky because of my ill-begotten misfortune. That's tomorrows post.
No, this is a post that (I hope) is one of hope. Or, rather, the part of the show where I gently pick up the pieces of whatever remains, limp back to square one, and HEY! WHO USED UP ALL THE GLUE????
There have been many things about me (behavior-wise) that have needed to change for...well, for a long time. And not just your every-January-1st-type of changes. I'm talking changes that last. Change that is actually change. So naturally, I've made some "New Years" resolutions. But these aren't your grandparents New Years resolutions- these are like, New Years resolutions on HGH. Resolutions that are chock full of vitamins, nutrients, testosterone, and electrolytes. Electrolytes! In short, resolutions with resolve.
My thought is this- New Years resolutions don't often take because, in addition to being driven primarily by a singular calendar date (and the post-holiday guilt), there's often (in my experience, anyways) no real light at the end of the tunnel. What I mean is that you set your resolutions and unless you're meticulously organized (like I'm not), you probably just throw out some goals with good intentions and then a few months later, with no finish line in sight...you give up. You start eating like an elephant again. You light up one more time. You realize that you can't possibly sustain waking up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym forever.
That's why I'm doing it a little different. That's why I'm borrowing from the idea of the fiscal year (or as I'm calling it- Physcal year. Clever, no?), which is more flexible and arbitrary (in my case, September 1st to August 31st). Plus, the real draw of the Physcal year set-up is the idea of quarters (three-month increments of analysis). Oh sure, you can take a calendar year and make it into quarters as well. But I find that fiscal years seem better suited for that.
In a nutshell, then, I've basically just tried a poor attempt to trick my mind into making some lifestyle changes and justified it by saying that I'll be evaluating my progress in three month increments. Sounds reasonableish. But what sort of changes are we talking about here?
First off, I should just throw this out there- I'm a big dude. Big, as in, I weight too much. I'm probably packing a good 80-100 pounds more than my frame was built for. But this isn't about that. That is, my lifestyle change is not about losing weight. It's about just what I said it is- a lifestyle change. However, if I can do this- grab ahold of the vision, put in the effort, and make myself move forward, then the weight loss will happen. I'll feel better about myself- not just how I look, but how I feel.
This whole train of thought has a few different genesisess (um, what's the plural on that?). Obviously the whole 'I hate feeling/looking fat' thing. There's my buddy Jeff, who implemented a similar deal in his own life and has lost over 50 lbs. Then there's my wife, who took a healthy-living class on-line this summer, which got me thinking about my own health and mortality and stuff. Top it off with a summer of basically holding the couch down and falling short of everything I tried to achieve, and presto! The seeds for the revolution are planted.
And so, out of those seeds was born this possibly-convoluted-perhaps-too-ambitious "plan" (if you can call it that) to recreate Jason Parks. Basically I came up with some areas that I would like to see change in. Then I decided to whittle the list down to just a few things (at least in the beginning; the others I'm pushing off until I can demonstrate some sustained success). Here is the first three things I want to take control of in my life:
Some things I'd like to look at adding to the list more long term are:
Soda pop 2X per week (and eventually cutting it out)
Pushups/Situps 3X per week (with the longer term goal of getting a gym membership and really working on this bod)
Desert 2X per week (which isn't a bad number...maybe down to once a week)
Read one book per month (at least)
One of the other reasons I have found New Years resolutions to fall short is the lack of perspective. When you change something to treat a symptom (i.e., weight loss) and the weight isn't getting lost very quickly, discouragement can set in and despair can take over. So rather than sprint to where I'd like to be as a person, I'm approaching this as a marathon. I want to cultivate a self-sustaining healthy lifestyle, where I can do these things without thinking about them, much like I can drift through my days now without putting much (if any) thought into the destruction I am wreaking upon myself. It'll be a long, hard journey- but hey, that's life. And I've been a death-stick dealer for too long. It's time to start living.
No, this is a post that (I hope) is one of hope. Or, rather, the part of the show where I gently pick up the pieces of whatever remains, limp back to square one, and HEY! WHO USED UP ALL THE GLUE????
There have been many things about me (behavior-wise) that have needed to change for...well, for a long time. And not just your every-January-1st-type of changes. I'm talking changes that last. Change that is actually change. So naturally, I've made some "New Years" resolutions. But these aren't your grandparents New Years resolutions- these are like, New Years resolutions on HGH. Resolutions that are chock full of vitamins, nutrients, testosterone, and electrolytes. Electrolytes! In short, resolutions with resolve.
My thought is this- New Years resolutions don't often take because, in addition to being driven primarily by a singular calendar date (and the post-holiday guilt), there's often (in my experience, anyways) no real light at the end of the tunnel. What I mean is that you set your resolutions and unless you're meticulously organized (like I'm not), you probably just throw out some goals with good intentions and then a few months later, with no finish line in sight...you give up. You start eating like an elephant again. You light up one more time. You realize that you can't possibly sustain waking up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym forever.
That's why I'm doing it a little different. That's why I'm borrowing from the idea of the fiscal year (or as I'm calling it- Physcal year. Clever, no?), which is more flexible and arbitrary (in my case, September 1st to August 31st). Plus, the real draw of the Physcal year set-up is the idea of quarters (three-month increments of analysis). Oh sure, you can take a calendar year and make it into quarters as well. But I find that fiscal years seem better suited for that.
In a nutshell, then, I've basically just tried a poor attempt to trick my mind into making some lifestyle changes and justified it by saying that I'll be evaluating my progress in three month increments. Sounds reasonableish. But what sort of changes are we talking about here?
First off, I should just throw this out there- I'm a big dude. Big, as in, I weight too much. I'm probably packing a good 80-100 pounds more than my frame was built for. But this isn't about that. That is, my lifestyle change is not about losing weight. It's about just what I said it is- a lifestyle change. However, if I can do this- grab ahold of the vision, put in the effort, and make myself move forward, then the weight loss will happen. I'll feel better about myself- not just how I look, but how I feel.
This whole train of thought has a few different genesisess (um, what's the plural on that?). Obviously the whole 'I hate feeling/looking fat' thing. There's my buddy Jeff, who implemented a similar deal in his own life and has lost over 50 lbs. Then there's my wife, who took a healthy-living class on-line this summer, which got me thinking about my own health and mortality and stuff. Top it off with a summer of basically holding the couch down and falling short of everything I tried to achieve, and presto! The seeds for the revolution are planted.
And so, out of those seeds was born this possibly-convoluted-perhaps-too-ambitious "plan" (if you can call it that) to recreate Jason Parks. Basically I came up with some areas that I would like to see change in. Then I decided to whittle the list down to just a few things (at least in the beginning; the others I'm pushing off until I can demonstrate some sustained success). Here is the first three things I want to take control of in my life:
- Walk 1 mile per day/4 times per week. Any time I attempt to exert myself physically, it's blatantly obvious that I'm in terrible shape. Now I'd love to be running- wait a second...let me rephrase that- I want to get to a place where I'd love to be running, but I've tried to start up with that before and just got discouraged. So my thought is that walking can have many similar positive results (and even more positive in some ways) without the exertion level. After all, I can build up to the whole 'running' thing, but doing something is much, much better than doing nothing.
- Seconds 2X per week. More than the exercise, the biggest reason I'm overweight is that I lack simple impulse control when it comes to food. I'm a grown man. I generally know what my body wants. If my body is tired, I take a nap. If my body needs to eliminate waste, I do it. Like a boss. If my body is about to burst because of all the food I've been shoving down my piehole, I shove more food down my piehole. Which, oops, is not what you're supposed to do. The frustrating thing is that I know I'm not doing it because I'm hungry- I'm doing it because that food is so doggone good! So while eventually I want to be able to limit myself to just what my body tells me it wants, in the beginning I am going to allow myself some room to get used to the idea of cutting myself off.
- 40 minutes per day on the Internet. Admittedly this will be the hardest one to implement. Ever since I got my first lap-top with WiFi, me and my computer have been attached at the...well, lap. And admittedly, it hasn't all been bad. I've read some things, wrote some things, watched some things, and listened to some things. But lately (and by 'lately', I mean 'a lot this summer') I found myself cycling through the same mind-numbing routine of the same 4 or 5 websites, not really staying long at any of them, basically just refreshing them to see that nothing new had been posted in the last five seconds. Clearly, I have an unhealthy attachment to my computer, and a need to get back to "uploading" more quality information into my brain so that I can put out more quality blogs. Which, really, is what it's all about for me.
Some things I'd like to look at adding to the list more long term are:
Soda pop 2X per week (and eventually cutting it out)
Pushups/Situps 3X per week (with the longer term goal of getting a gym membership and really working on this bod)
Desert 2X per week (which isn't a bad number...maybe down to once a week)
Read one book per month (at least)
One of the other reasons I have found New Years resolutions to fall short is the lack of perspective. When you change something to treat a symptom (i.e., weight loss) and the weight isn't getting lost very quickly, discouragement can set in and despair can take over. So rather than sprint to where I'd like to be as a person, I'm approaching this as a marathon. I want to cultivate a self-sustaining healthy lifestyle, where I can do these things without thinking about them, much like I can drift through my days now without putting much (if any) thought into the destruction I am wreaking upon myself. It'll be a long, hard journey- but hey, that's life. And I've been a death-stick dealer for too long. It's time to start living.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Draftstravaganza 2012: The entrée
After enduring the bitter defeat of not getting onto the Fantasy Island (which I survived by convincing myself that I was one of the last cuts) and wallowing in the filth of my own misery, it's back to work. After all, this blog isn't just going to write itself!
So let's talk about my draft....hmmmm....what can I say about my draft...I don't know? I just don't know. Yeah, that's it. I'm running on the platform of my consistent and well-documented incompetence.
I had a hard time getting excited about anyone's prospects this year. Maybe I've read too many smart articles (smarticles?). Maybe I've watched too much soccer the past couple of years and I'm anticipating a bunch of ridiculously low scoring games, culminating the New England Patriots advancing from the group stage with an 2-13-1 (wins/draws/losses in soccer land) record and winning the Super Bowl on penalty kicks. Whatever the case, there were really no instances where my name came up in the draft and I thought 'Oh my goodness, I can't believe no one else had the foresight to draft this league-winning touchdown machine'. It was more like 'Oh my goodness, I paid $30 to draft this guy? In this round???'.
Plus, in my defense...it didn't help that I was trying really hard to sit there at the kitchen table to just do my draft, and all these other things kept happening. I had to give the kids a bath, my brother's girlfriend came over (so they forced me to get off the computer and go meet her), I didn't get much sleep (we went to a baseball game the night before), my mom made white chili (I'll let you use your imagination as to why that was a distraction), I forgot how to read...
This Fantasy Football draft thing is so hard!
But whatever. The great ones can shake off distractions like Jason Bourne getting accosted at the consulate. And yes, not only did I imply that I am great, but that my greatness is on par with Jason Bourne. So this is where I give you my 2012 draft to make your own judgment of my abilities. Just as long as you're not making that assessment by actual on-field performance or something arbitrary like that.
Round 1
Didn't get: Greg Jennings, WR- I was pretty locked into getting a running back here anyways, especially since running backs were flying off the board with the quickness. Unfortunately, I sort of got caught with my pants down and ended up with...
Frank Gore, RB Your first round pick can potentially ruin your feelings about your entire draft, as I found out this past weekend. I realize I'm painting myself into a "John Henry regret" corner by saying this- but I'm not very excited about Frank Gore. Frank, I really hope it doesn't make this awkward around the clubhouse this year, but I just...well, I just planned on a couple other running backs being available, and then they weren't and I really hadn't researched you but you were the only name at the top of the RB board that I recognized and I panicked and then I read what Matthew Berry had to say and I...look, no hard feelings, okay? Just try not to suck/get hurt, we'll make it through this year and I'll dump you back in the draft proper.
Of course, I could have had: Andre Johnson, WR- At least he's a guy I wouldn't have taken anyways (injured last year, plays for a ground-n-pound type team), so that was some consolation for my inconvenient first round.
Round 2
Didn't get: Mike Wallace, WR- One of those guys I wouldn't have drafted unless it was the last round and the entire NFC had been whisked off to Secret Wars. Holdout, new offensive system, with an up-and-comer at the same position (Antonio Brown)-sorry Mike Wallace, you're going to have to play your 60 Minutes for someone else (eh, eh? Did you see what I did there?). And then I went for...
Julio Jones, WR. Not that I necessarily wanted to, mind you. I would have probably felt amazing about Jones in round 4 and pretty good in round 3. Here in round 2 though, it feels a little feels like a reach (with the injury troubles last season and the fact that I'm not the biggest Matty Ice fan)...but I really didn't like any of the WRs at that spot and didn't want to miss out on the top WRs. So, welcome to the Snow Flurries...now is that J-J-Jewelio or H-H-Who-lio? This is not a trivial question. I'm going to be on a first name (or abbreviation) basis with you this season, and I need to know whether to refer to you as JJ or HJ.
Could have had: Michael Turner, RB- It would have been neat to nab Turner somewhere, just to see him add to his career Snow Flurry point totals. Of course, Turner is on the wrong side of the 30/30 something, and if there's one thing we don't do here with the Snow Flurries, it's spend high draft picks on old running backs who have some injury history and are at or approaching the age of 30. Oh, hey there, Frank......it's only awkward if we let it be.
Round 3
Didn't get: BenJarvus Green-Ellis- I suppose he could have a solid/really good season for the Bengals this year (obviously someone thought so, they drafted him in the third round)- I've just never been a huge fan of the Law Firm. I mean the player. The nickname? It's golden. Anyways I went ahead and drafted...
Stevan Ridley, RB Another pick that feels like a reach (and yes, I'm really regretting my half-assed 'attempt' at preparation), nonetheless Ridley had some bright moments in 2011 and with the Law Firm setting up his practice in Cincy, Ridley's Believe-it-or-not could be a great pick, especially if he gets dibs on the goal line carries that are now up for grabs. Plus- Shane Vereen, his main competitor, suffered a preseason injury that I'm hoping gives RBI (yes, you just witnessed me co-opting a nickname and then abbreviating it because it was too freaking long) the upper hand in the competition.
Could have had: Steve Smith (Panthers). Perhaps even more than Cam Newton, Smith was the biggest surprise to come out of the Carolina resurgence. The difference in 2012 is that Newton still has his prime to hit, while Smith fumbled his out of bounds about 3 autumns ago.
Round 4
Didn't get: Miles Austin, WR- If this was 2010, I might be a little angry that someone had the wherewithal to pick Austin right before I did. But he hasn't produced at that high of a level since then, and besides- if I was going to reach for a receiver who had a legendary season and then fell back to Earth, with a 2012 prognosis riddled with question marks, I was gonna draft...
Dwayne Bowe, WR Take the Prodigal Son. Marinate in some That Part Where Aslan Died. Mix in a little bit of Willow, a dash of August Rush, and a pinch of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf. Stir in some Lord of the Rings and 'Luke, I am your father'. Sprinkle on some zest of 'You had me at hello'. That is the appetizer to the entree that is epic awesomeness of Dwayne Bowe coming home this season. Please, please- don't talk to me about Matt Cassel and the hold out until tomorrow. Right now, it's all about Dwayne.
I guess I could have had: DeSean Jackson, WR- Maybe? But there's no one else I would have rather had here, right now, than Dwayne Bowe, forever the Adrian to my Rocky.
Round 5
Didn't get: Percy Harvin, WR- For the first time, I kick myself a little (but only a little- and even then, only after reading some statistics of the Harvin/Ponder connection late in the season) for not getting a chance at someone. But then I remember that this guy's bones are made of peanut brittle, and I relax a little and go for....
Aaron Hernandez, TE I'm not sure about this pick- it sort of feels like a reach, but it could also be a steal. I was going to go for a back-up QB here, but then there was a little mini-run on TEs and so I wanted to make sure I got a decent starter. While the Gronk will probably get the lion's share of the catches and TDs, Brady spreads the ball around enough (and New England runs enough two TE sets) to make Hernandez a solid starter here.
Could have had:Fred Davis, TE- This is less of an indictment on Davis and more of a testament to my faith in Brady and the Patriots system (which itself is a symptom of my situational amnesia). Davis would have probably been a better pick for me- but I think that Hernandez is going to be just as solid with more upside (even if Belichik did mysteriously erase Hernandez from existence for a very crucial week during my 2010 season).
Round 6
Didn't get: Kevin Smith, RB- One thing being a Lions fan has taught me over the years is that you never, ever, EVER draft a Lions RB (Barry Sanders not withstanding). This is not a team with a proud history of ball toters. So Kevin Smith was not a player I had in my sights this year. Which is good, I suppose, because it allowed me to draft...
Philip Rivers, QB Hey hey hey, let's calm down people! Yes, I know that I already have Tom Brady, and barring injury there's no way that Rivers sees the field. So what gives? Isn't round 6 sort of high to buy a back-up QB? Perhaps. Nay, probably. But to me, this pick was all about leveraging assets. There was no other player at this spot in the draft that I felt was worth as much as Phillip Rivers. Rivers is a known commodity, a top-10 QB year in and year out. Simply put, this was a value pick for me. Rivers is a guy that gives me immediate relief in the short term should something happen to Brady (vigorously searching for some wood to knock the crap out of) and if both Rivers and Brady are hot, then I can try and deal Rivers for some other players at positions I'll likely be needing (no offense, rounds 1-5 guys). And if both somehow happen to suck? Well, then I'm screwed regardless.
Could have had:Tony Gonzalez, TE- I suppose it's possible that in the end I should have taken Gonzalez instead of Hernandez a round back. Gonzalez may not have the upside, but he's also a known commodity at this point and unlike Hernandez, he won't be sharing a lot of TE targets. And now I've gone and talked myself out of Aaron Hernandez. Well that's just great!
Round 7
Didn't get: Cedric Benson, RB- Another guy I never really had my sights on. In a couple months, he'll join the 30/30 something club, and going to a new scheme where Aaron Rodgers is king- it just doesn't feel like a good fit (for real or for fantasy) So I got this guy instead...
Darius Moore, WR As I look back over my draft, one word comes instantly to mind- REACH.
As in, I probably picked many of my players a round or more ahead of where I could have got them. Moore is one of those guys. I think pretty highly of him, actually- Carson Palmer should look more like Carson and less like Jordan Palmer this year, and the Experts think pretty highly of his potential. It's just that I probably could have had him a little later on. Then again...
Could have had: Packers D- If people are already breaking out the defenses, I could have had him a lot later. Great. Just. Fricking. Great.
Well, that's rounds 1-7 of mygreat mistake 2012 draft. In the interest of keeping your interest, I've decided to take what was supposed to be a one-and-done draft recap and turn it into an epic Trilogy. Except unlike Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, I definitely saved the retreads and long-shots for last. So...we'll see you next week?
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So let's talk about my draft....hmmmm....what can I say about my draft...I don't know? I just don't know. Yeah, that's it. I'm running on the platform of my consistent and well-documented incompetence.
I had a hard time getting excited about anyone's prospects this year. Maybe I've read too many smart articles (smarticles?). Maybe I've watched too much soccer the past couple of years and I'm anticipating a bunch of ridiculously low scoring games, culminating the New England Patriots advancing from the group stage with an 2-13-1 (wins/draws/losses in soccer land) record and winning the Super Bowl on penalty kicks. Whatever the case, there were really no instances where my name came up in the draft and I thought 'Oh my goodness, I can't believe no one else had the foresight to draft this league-winning touchdown machine'. It was more like 'Oh my goodness, I paid $30 to draft this guy? In this round???'.
Plus, in my defense...it didn't help that I was trying really hard to sit there at the kitchen table to just do my draft, and all these other things kept happening. I had to give the kids a bath, my brother's girlfriend came over (so they forced me to get off the computer and go meet her), I didn't get much sleep (we went to a baseball game the night before), my mom made white chili (I'll let you use your imagination as to why that was a distraction), I forgot how to read...
This Fantasy Football draft thing is so hard!
But whatever. The great ones can shake off distractions like Jason Bourne getting accosted at the consulate. And yes, not only did I imply that I am great, but that my greatness is on par with Jason Bourne. So this is where I give you my 2012 draft to make your own judgment of my abilities. Just as long as you're not making that assessment by actual on-field performance or something arbitrary like that.
Round 1
Didn't get: Greg Jennings, WR- I was pretty locked into getting a running back here anyways, especially since running backs were flying off the board with the quickness. Unfortunately, I sort of got caught with my pants down and ended up with...
Frank Gore, RB Your first round pick can potentially ruin your feelings about your entire draft, as I found out this past weekend. I realize I'm painting myself into a "John Henry regret" corner by saying this- but I'm not very excited about Frank Gore. Frank, I really hope it doesn't make this awkward around the clubhouse this year, but I just...well, I just planned on a couple other running backs being available, and then they weren't and I really hadn't researched you but you were the only name at the top of the RB board that I recognized and I panicked and then I read what Matthew Berry had to say and I...look, no hard feelings, okay? Just try not to suck/get hurt, we'll make it through this year and I'll dump you back in the draft proper.
Of course, I could have had: Andre Johnson, WR- At least he's a guy I wouldn't have taken anyways (injured last year, plays for a ground-n-pound type team), so that was some consolation for my inconvenient first round.
Round 2
Didn't get: Mike Wallace, WR- One of those guys I wouldn't have drafted unless it was the last round and the entire NFC had been whisked off to Secret Wars. Holdout, new offensive system, with an up-and-comer at the same position (Antonio Brown)-sorry Mike Wallace, you're going to have to play your 60 Minutes for someone else (eh, eh? Did you see what I did there?). And then I went for...
Julio Jones, WR. Not that I necessarily wanted to, mind you. I would have probably felt amazing about Jones in round 4 and pretty good in round 3. Here in round 2 though, it feels a little feels like a reach (with the injury troubles last season and the fact that I'm not the biggest Matty Ice fan)...but I really didn't like any of the WRs at that spot and didn't want to miss out on the top WRs. So, welcome to the Snow Flurries...now is that J-J-Jewelio or H-H-Who-lio? This is not a trivial question. I'm going to be on a first name (or abbreviation) basis with you this season, and I need to know whether to refer to you as JJ or HJ.
Could have had: Michael Turner, RB- It would have been neat to nab Turner somewhere, just to see him add to his career Snow Flurry point totals. Of course, Turner is on the wrong side of the 30/30 something, and if there's one thing we don't do here with the Snow Flurries, it's spend high draft picks on old running backs who have some injury history and are at or approaching the age of 30. Oh, hey there, Frank......it's only awkward if we let it be.
Round 3
Didn't get: BenJarvus Green-Ellis- I suppose he could have a solid/really good season for the Bengals this year (obviously someone thought so, they drafted him in the third round)- I've just never been a huge fan of the Law Firm. I mean the player. The nickname? It's golden. Anyways I went ahead and drafted...
Stevan Ridley, RB Another pick that feels like a reach (and yes, I'm really regretting my half-assed 'attempt' at preparation), nonetheless Ridley had some bright moments in 2011 and with the Law Firm setting up his practice in Cincy, Ridley's Believe-it-or-not could be a great pick, especially if he gets dibs on the goal line carries that are now up for grabs. Plus- Shane Vereen, his main competitor, suffered a preseason injury that I'm hoping gives RBI (yes, you just witnessed me co-opting a nickname and then abbreviating it because it was too freaking long) the upper hand in the competition.
Could have had: Steve Smith (Panthers). Perhaps even more than Cam Newton, Smith was the biggest surprise to come out of the Carolina resurgence. The difference in 2012 is that Newton still has his prime to hit, while Smith fumbled his out of bounds about 3 autumns ago.
Round 4
Didn't get: Miles Austin, WR- If this was 2010, I might be a little angry that someone had the wherewithal to pick Austin right before I did. But he hasn't produced at that high of a level since then, and besides- if I was going to reach for a receiver who had a legendary season and then fell back to Earth, with a 2012 prognosis riddled with question marks, I was gonna draft...
Dwayne Bowe, WR Take the Prodigal Son. Marinate in some That Part Where Aslan Died. Mix in a little bit of Willow, a dash of August Rush, and a pinch of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf. Stir in some Lord of the Rings and 'Luke, I am your father'. Sprinkle on some zest of 'You had me at hello'. That is the appetizer to the entree that is epic awesomeness of Dwayne Bowe coming home this season. Please, please- don't talk to me about Matt Cassel and the hold out until tomorrow. Right now, it's all about Dwayne.
I guess I could have had: DeSean Jackson, WR- Maybe? But there's no one else I would have rather had here, right now, than Dwayne Bowe, forever the Adrian to my Rocky.
Round 5
Didn't get: Percy Harvin, WR- For the first time, I kick myself a little (but only a little- and even then, only after reading some statistics of the Harvin/Ponder connection late in the season) for not getting a chance at someone. But then I remember that this guy's bones are made of peanut brittle, and I relax a little and go for....
Aaron Hernandez, TE I'm not sure about this pick- it sort of feels like a reach, but it could also be a steal. I was going to go for a back-up QB here, but then there was a little mini-run on TEs and so I wanted to make sure I got a decent starter. While the Gronk will probably get the lion's share of the catches and TDs, Brady spreads the ball around enough (and New England runs enough two TE sets) to make Hernandez a solid starter here.
Could have had:Fred Davis, TE- This is less of an indictment on Davis and more of a testament to my faith in Brady and the Patriots system (which itself is a symptom of my situational amnesia). Davis would have probably been a better pick for me- but I think that Hernandez is going to be just as solid with more upside (even if Belichik did mysteriously erase Hernandez from existence for a very crucial week during my 2010 season).
Round 6
Didn't get: Kevin Smith, RB- One thing being a Lions fan has taught me over the years is that you never, ever, EVER draft a Lions RB (Barry Sanders not withstanding). This is not a team with a proud history of ball toters. So Kevin Smith was not a player I had in my sights this year. Which is good, I suppose, because it allowed me to draft...
Philip Rivers, QB Hey hey hey, let's calm down people! Yes, I know that I already have Tom Brady, and barring injury there's no way that Rivers sees the field. So what gives? Isn't round 6 sort of high to buy a back-up QB? Perhaps. Nay, probably. But to me, this pick was all about leveraging assets. There was no other player at this spot in the draft that I felt was worth as much as Phillip Rivers. Rivers is a known commodity, a top-10 QB year in and year out. Simply put, this was a value pick for me. Rivers is a guy that gives me immediate relief in the short term should something happen to Brady (vigorously searching for some wood to knock the crap out of) and if both Rivers and Brady are hot, then I can try and deal Rivers for some other players at positions I'll likely be needing (no offense, rounds 1-5 guys). And if both somehow happen to suck? Well, then I'm screwed regardless.
Could have had:Tony Gonzalez, TE- I suppose it's possible that in the end I should have taken Gonzalez instead of Hernandez a round back. Gonzalez may not have the upside, but he's also a known commodity at this point and unlike Hernandez, he won't be sharing a lot of TE targets. And now I've gone and talked myself out of Aaron Hernandez. Well that's just great!
Round 7
Didn't get: Cedric Benson, RB- Another guy I never really had my sights on. In a couple months, he'll join the 30/30 something club, and going to a new scheme where Aaron Rodgers is king- it just doesn't feel like a good fit (for real or for fantasy) So I got this guy instead...
Darius Moore, WR As I look back over my draft, one word comes instantly to mind- REACH.
 |
| Which sucks, come to think about it |
Could have had: Packers D- If people are already breaking out the defenses, I could have had him a lot later. Great. Just. Fricking. Great.
Well, that's rounds 1-7 of my
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